So, it's the day of love and caring. The day we spend with the partner, our dearest of friends... and I'm sitting here in front of the computer, asking y'all to be my Valentine.
Don't feel sorry for me though. My Valentine's Day plan may not have come through for me, but it's not all bad.
As I mentioned, I had hoped to spend this night with The One. Turned out she was going out to dinner with her co-workers (on freakin' Valentine's?!!) to bid farewell. So, if I was going to see her, I had to do it yesterday.
Things went very well. I didn't give her the box of chocolates I had stashed away in the glove compartment of my car. The opportunity just wasn't there. I still have it in there, as I may see her tomorrow again... she just loves chocolate, hehe.
We just sat and talked for almost four hours. It has been a very long time since we've done anything like that. It was after midnight before we said goodbye, and I had a full 11 hour day ahead of me at work.
She didn't know I was going to be laid off. When I told her she was almost shocked. She couldn't believe they would do that - it didn't make sense to her. I told her they were looking to cut down on staff.
"Yeah, but why you? They can't let you go... especially since [a certain co-worker] has quit. Why didn't they offer you her position?"
"They want to get someone else. It's a management position. They don't want me doing that"
"But you know it better than anyone else over there. Why hire someone who wouldn't know how it works?"
"Don't ask me. But you know how they handle things at my job. They shipped you off to another city, when clearly you were the one who held things together. Look at what happened after that"
And, that is the truth. Our store has gone down hill ever since she was relocated to another store. I believe this is a big reason why she quit that job and is now going on this trip instead. When she worked at my job, she was very determined and driven - working many a late night to show everyone how much she wanted the job. She even hinted at that during our conversations last night. She wants to be at the store I work at.
I also did tell her that I might pack up and leave the country.
"For how long?", she asked. Actually looking worried.
"Well, I don't know. Possibly for good. I wouldn't have plans of a return if I go."
"Yeah... but, when are you coming back home?"
"That would be home. I would live there."
"No... you can't do that. You have an apartment here. Your car. What about us going to the gym?"
"Well, all that I would have to leave behind. So, you should just pack up and come over there with me, and we'll go to a gym over there". This is a joke, of course. Still, I would be sincere if it were even remotely plausible.
She looked at me for a while.
We didn't talk too much about it after that. I did assure her that more than likely I will still be here when she comes back. I have decided this for myself, that if I do decide to make the move - it'll probably be at the end of summer or even towards the end of the year. This seems like the best way to do it... that way there's plenty of time to get organized and plan ahead, as well as enough time for friends and family over here to adjust to the thought of life without me (in their immidiate surroundings).
In the end, we had a very pleasant evening yesterday. I didn't give her any box of chocolates. I didn't even tell her out straight that I love her. I didn't feel any of that was necessary. I did let her know how much I was going to miss spending time with her while she was gone. I did let her know how much I'm going to miss her making me laugh the way she does, and how I feel so at peace with the world when I'm with her. With her - nothing else matters. There is nothing that bothers me, or makes me feel sad. Not when she is like this - that girl that I once fell so deeply in love with. When she is that girl, no one else makes me feel so good deep down in my heart. I don't even have to speak to her... just sitting there, watching her - and everything is fine. And the world is a wonderful place to be.
The one thing that's hard for me right now is the emptiness. I had been working so hard to overcome those feelings - especially after all the bad things that happened between us. Now, just as she's about to leave... all her loveable qualities are back. The coldness and sometimes bitchy attitude is completely gone, and I'll remind you that the lovable qualities is who she really is... I know this from the three years we've known eachother. A few months of uncharacteristic behaviour does not make her that person.
I would want every day to be like last night. I'm blown away once again... desperately in love.
Yeah... it's Valentine's Day. I have a friggin' right to feel blue today. All this mushy love talk is not what you'll have to suffer through on a daily basis. Nope - not at Ramblings of a Madman you don't.
But. Today I'm alone. I won't even eat that box of chocolates I still have in the glove compartment of my car, as I might meet her tomorrow, and may still want to give that to her then.
I still have you! You, the blogging community - my faithful readers. So, I ask of you:
Please, be my Valentine today.
Well, I didn't really know what to write about today - plus, I'm tired (and I wanna go to bed). So, I thought I'd just blog about a few random little things that aren't really deserving of a full post anyway.
