Nothingness Ramblings

Now... I didn't have anything to say today, really. So I wasn't going to post anything... really.

Then, I thought to myself, when you have nothing to say - what do you do?

You ramble!

Ramble on about nothing and anything, and find out what comes out of your fingertips and onto the keyboard. It is interesting, in it's own way, to see some text devolop on screen while you are barely aware of what you are writing, and where this is headed... so bare with me - this might be a strange and uninteresting read.

KEYS: I'm gonna have to go back to my old/sorta current job tomorrow and hand in the keys that I still carry. They called me the other day and wanted me to bring them in, after which I told them I do not give my keys away until I sign the papers that say I've done so... if some other moron loses the keys, I'm not going to be held responsible. So, that'll be done tomorrow - then there is only two more weeks that the place will pay me, so I better get my ass out of this chair and start looking seriously for some jobs.

THE GYM: Still going there as much as I can - just got home after a third straight day. Did some work on my back and the triceps today... my legs are still hurting from Tuesday's session. I had been neglecting the legs for a while, and sort of decided to work them extra hard - to get back on track with them... boy did I suffer yesterday for that one! Love it!

RANDOMNESS: Did you all know that I have a thing for randomness? Well, I may have created a little something that most people are going to think is outrageously nuts - but I enjoy it immensely. See... I dabble a little in computer programming... well - that's pretty much a lie. I have a piece of software which makes a little computer programming so easy a five year old could almost make their own games. A lot of drag and drop functions, but you can use code to make more complex stuff - and this is what I dabble in.

Ok, ok, already! What is this crazy thing you have done?

I have made a little program which randomizes a weekly menu for me. Yes, a weekly menu of what I shall serve myself for dinner each day. I can easily add all my leftovers stashed in the freezer (and I have a lot of food in there - I always make 3-4 servings, eat one and freeze the rest). I can also add into the mix some new recipes that I want to try out, a bunch of dinners that I often make... then - at the click of a button, a menu pops up, and I go with it for the entire week. Not only does it save me from thinking about what I should eat each day, it also makes sure that I eat those leftovers in the freezer.

I started this little project this week.

I am pretty sure this makes me the only person on the planet who has a randomized weekly menu...

And you guys thought I had an ounce of sanity? No, sir. I'm as looney as they come!

And... at risk of sounding conceited or pompous - well, I've been given yet another award. My favorite little Single Girl in the City bestowed me with the "Gratitude with an Attitude" Award... how sweet is that?

Now, I'm going to pass this baby along - but I'll get back to you on that one, because today I'm not really functioning as well as I like to when deciding who gets an award and who doesn't (this time). So keep your eyes peeled for when I announce the "winners" of this particular one.

In the meantime - if you haven't checked her out (I sure have!). Go visit Single In The City and marvel in her fun posts, and her wonderful persona. She's well worth a visit... or even a little bit of a stalking - just don't scare her... because then I'll have to come after you, and it's not going to be pretty... LOL!

BLOGGING: I haven't been the best of bloggie friend of late. I'm not able to make my rounds to you all and comment like I used to. Part of that is that I've been spending more time out of the house (shocking, eh?), at the gym and out with some of my friends. Part of that is lack of inspiration for blogging of late. I'm sure I'll get back to my usual self in that respect soon enough. Just, you know, if you don't see me at your place for a couple of days or so - it doesn't mean I don't love you anymore.

I still love y'all!

PFC: Oh! Almost forgot! It's about time I remind you all of the Picture Fiction Challenge! It is due next Wednesday... the 16th! I hope you all are finishing up, or touching up, your contributions! It looks like it will be an interesting one this month!

Twelve Little Bullets

• I've got nothing lately. Nothing to blog about, nothing to say. So I present twelve little bullets today with little things that come to mind. I sure hope that my blogging inspiration returns quickly.
• The first week of freedom/unemployment has not been spent wisely. Ok, I kind of intended to do nothing this first week, but I didn't really take advantage of nothingness either. Starting next week I'll have to get busy trying to figure out what's next...
• Coffee shop girl seems to be no more. Been there twice this week, and she wasn't there. Well, no loss really. I think one of the reasons I was a little hot for her is that she physically reminded me of The One. They had similar looks, although no one would confuse one for the other. She didn't appear too bright, which would've been a turn off after a while.
• The One's birthday was yesterday. And I missed it! What is wrong with me? Sent her birthday wishes today, and a virtual birthday cake on Facebook... was that the right thing to do? I'm not even sure I should put myself in a situation where heartbreak is the likely outcome... I haven't kept myself updated on her where abouts or what she's up to over there (in Asia)... I'm not sure I want to know too much.
• I need a casual relationship. Nothing serious... just some random hot chick to have some fun with and not put that Rubicon Heart of mine at risk. I am certainly not ready to deal with heartbreak at this time... I guess coffee girl would have been a decent choice, right? But, what if the girl for some reason was to really fall for me? It would have to be a mutual decision that we are not exclusive...
• There is this girl who works (out) at the gym I frequent. She's a short one (I have a thing for short girls... not too short, though) with a body to die for. She works out really hard, and I almost want to tell her not to overdo it - her body is simply perfect, but the way she goes at it lifting weights she may be on her way to becoming a little too muscular for my tastes. Right now she is - oh My God! I think my chances are slim, to say the least...
• I've noticed I've started to gain weight again... I've been eating too much of the good stuff, and not enough fibre. I have to watch it so I don't become fat again. I found a picture the other day that will serve as a good reminder of what I used to look like. I should make that my desktop background so I don't forget...
• I've still not made a decision on the Ireland trip. I really want to go, but I'm not so sure I can afford it. I mean - the money is there if I want to spend it, but I can't quite decide whether I should save it so I can move back across the pond sooner. I could still relocate, but it would be postponed to a later date... although - no date has been set. I've pretty much decided it will happen though.
• Single In The City gave me this award a few days ago. The One In A Million Friend award. That's so sweet of her, and it touches my heart. You, my dear friend, are truly one in a million yourself. I don't think this award was meant to be passed on, as it was hers to give - so I'll just keep this one for myself! Thanks, Sweetie!
  
• Because of my lack of blogging inspiration of late, I have put up a poll on the site, where you can vote for a blog topic that I should do. There are a couple of things I've been meaning to write, but the time hasn't seemed to be right. So, vote on what you want to read about... I'm not even sure any of them are that interesting.
• The Picture Fiction Challenge is due next week. Wednesday March 19th. I've still not written my own, and I hope I will find the inspiration to do it. I'll put something together either way, but it would be nice if there was some quality to it, right? I hope you all are ready to play!
• Finally. I'm giving you some music to listen to. I've chosen White Lion's "When The Children Cry", because that song speaks to my mindset these last few days. Yes, I've been feeling a little down, a little depressed. This is one of those ballads that really washes over you and makes you almost want to cry. It certainly is one of the best ballads of all time, in my opinion.

Saturday Ramblings

Thank you all for your well wishes, and belief that my future holds great things for me. I will be taking a few days off before I really begin to think what my immediate future should bring.

Great party last night, huh? I'm kinda hung over to be honest...

I read through what I posted yesterday, and one thing struck me. No one's commented on it, so I guess you all didn't read it like I did, but in case one or two of you thought it strange, I thought I'd clear this one up...

I wrote:

"Also, at lunch, all but one of my co-workers ambushed me in the breakroom, and presented a potted plant and a bottle of whiskey - as a farewell gift."

Now - the one co-worker who didn't ambush me was left out in the store... someone has to be at the register, or customers are liable to rob us (them!) blind, right. So it had nothing to do with not wanting to be there to present the gift to me...

Just thought you should know that.

**********

Other good news!

Casdok over at Mother of Shrek has given me an award. Apparently I am quick witted and I make her laugh... so she gave the Quick Wit Blog Award 2008. Thank You, Casdok. I will put this one in my newly rearranged Trophy Case for all to see!

I will pass this baby on to the following bloggers... although there are a lot more of you who deserve it.

Lightning Bug's Butt and Preposterous Ponderings. These two have some really Quicky Witty blog posts, and because of that they will receive this award from me. Keep me smiling, chuckling, giggling and laugh right out loud for the foreseeable future. Can you do that for me?

I knew you could!

**********

Taking a day off from everything, basically, today. No gym either. Starting tomorrow I'll be working out extra hard, in preparation for the summer. It would be nice to go to the beach this year and leave all the hot honeys wanting me... needing me... desiring me beyond control.

That's gonna happen, right? All I need is a couple of hours in the gym to make them all quiver at the sight of me... I'm gonna be hunk number one this summer for sure.

A man's gotta have a vision, you know!

**********

Leaving you all with that for today. Tomorrow is Funday Sunday, so I'll be back trying to entertain you then.

Last Days Chronicles: Finale

Freedom!

I am done, over and out, adios amigos, no more work at Hell Hole for this Ramblin' Madman!

Surprised myself at the amount of work I put in today... thing is - it was easy to do it, because whatever I did I could think; Hey, this is the last time I ever have to do this crap!

Before lunch today, my mom showed up at the place. She's been wanting this computer desk that we sell for quite some time, and I had told her she should come in and look at it before I buy it for her. She got to see a little of what I go through on an everyday basis over there.

I was called on several times during the short time she was there, because the others needed help, and didn't know how to do things. My mother couldn't understand why they'd let me go, and was asking me how they were going to cope without me... haha!

At lunch today... I went to Hollywood. Sounds awesome right. It was - but it wasn't very far. My favorite Pizza joint (same place I went to yesterday) is called just that - Hollywood. I got me a nice steak with some home fries today, instead of the pizza. It was absolutely deeee-lish! It's like they knew I "deserved" something special today.

Also, at lunch, all but one of my co-workers ambushed me in the breakroom, and presented a potted plant and a bottle of whiskey - as a farewell gift.

That's what four years at the place was worth ;)

Honestly - it was nice. I really didn't think they would have bought me anything. Just a pat on the back and "good luck" would have sufficed. This was nice - especially that plant. Precisely the kind of thing I want in my home. The whiskey will be drunk, and probably mess me up good.

I also got a cake, and 15 minutes later in the day to sit down with a cup of java and eat it... it was a "semla" cake. That thing was delicious too!

All in all - it was quite a pleasant day at work. Surely so because I knew it was the last day I would ever do at the place - so there was no frustration going on. Something didn't go right... what do I care? Right? Right!

So - time to celebrate!

What better way to celebrate than with a cold beer, and some really good party music? And, because of that - I present to you what I think is the ultimate party song of all time. Van Halen's "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love" is one of those songs that gets me in a good mood every single time I hear it.

The intro guitar riff is a classic that will never ever die. It just grabs you immediately and lets you know it's time to party hardy!

That's Rock'n'Roll for you!

Last Days Chronicles: Part 2

Didn't sleep last night... unbelievably tired when the alarm went off this morning. Cursing the day ahead of me.

Didn't even make it to the coffee shop for my breakfast. Got into work and made me an old sandwich out of the refrigerator in the breakroom that I ate while counting the cash drawers.

Vacuumed the whole store... took register duty for two hours. Mattress delivery. I had forgotten all about that - thought today was Wednesday. Co-worker says to me:

"Good thing you didn't go to lunch already. The mattresses are here."

"Yeah, we don't get mattresses today"

"Well, the truck is out there"

"Mattresses are delivered Thursday's. Today is Wednesday, so nice try. I'm going to lunch."

But, I was wrong. Today was Thursday, and a truckload of mattresses were waiting for me to unload them. That pushed lunch forward, which was ok - I like to have my lunch as late as possible, that way it doesn't feel like forever after lunch before I get to go home.

Took lunch with one of my co-workers today. That was nice. Because we are so few working these days, lunch is always a solitary business. We went to my favorite pizza joint where I often go for the daily special, or (would you guess?) a pizza. That was a little sad - I'll likely not eat at that place very often now that I won't be working. There are better pizzas around town, but I like the atmosphere at this place. And... a girl I've known for many years works there - so it's always nice to see her too.

Lunch was a little longer than it's supposed to be... but, who cares, right?

Today was unbelievably slow... business wise. Hardly any customers today, which made time pass extremely slowly as well. I told the Sales Manager to count down the extra cash registers and do most of the paperwork at 5:30, and told her she's free to go home after doing that.

Yes, you read that right, I was giving orders to the Sales Manager ;) Well, she'd been hoping to leave early today. She was scheduled to work til 7PM, but wanted to leave at 6. That's why I said those things... I'm not a bossy bastard by nature...

The last hour it was me and that same co-worker I lunched with... barely any customers, which suited us both fine right then. We wanted to get home quickly, so I said we'll prepare as much as possible so that we can go home as soon as we lock the doors.

I opened the drawer, and started counting the money. He was standing next to me.

"We're not allowed to count money out here", I told him.

"No, we're not supposed to do that", he says.

"There's a security camera up there." I pointed straight at the thing and offered my best smile. "If they catch me counting the money on that thing, I could be fired."

"Is that so?", he says. He honestly did not know that as a fact.

"Uh huh... do you think I'm worried about that?"

He laughed about that.

End result. We finished everything up only 10 minutes after locking the front doors and were out of there. The cold air outside was wonderful...

Only one more day to go!

Music today. Today I'm presenting some old stuff. I've decided to share Lizzy Borden with you - there's another guy who can really sing. This song "Rod of Iron" was the very first song I heard of this band - it played on a heavy metal radio show back in the early eighties. I remember back then I loaded up my tape recorder with a Sony or Maxwell 90 minute cassette tape every time that show was on, and I recorded the songs - it was all very high tech. If I didn't like the song, I quickly rewinded and recorded the next one over the bad one - that way I collected some good music for my listening pleasure. The best thing about this show was that they played a lot of obscure metal - not only Twisted Sister, Mötley Crüe, and what have you. When I heard this song for the first time, I quickly ran out to get their albums. I could only find the one - the right one though which had this song on it; the "Love You To Pieces" album. It took me another year - until I went back to the States to visit my father, before I could collect the other albums by Lizzy Borden. I'm still a big fan!

This song... what really hooked me is the wonderful slow start, and the build-up when it kicks into gear. I swear - those drums make me wanna jump up and down and throw my fist in the air every time. Listen to it real LOUD!

They have recently recorded a new album that I haven't listened to yet, and a few years ago they made another reunion cd that was really good. They still know how to make music!

Last Days Chronicles: Part 1

Starting today I will do something as boring as chronicle the last three days of working at my current job. Yes! Friday I will finally be set free, allowed to start life anew - far far away from the job I've been at for four years, and loathed for about two of them...

I'm going to take for granted that you know about me getting laid off from work, and also of the situation with Mr. Weenie-Hat the Union Rep, so I'm not getting into any of that here.

I will just tell you a little bit of my experiences these last few days.

Well, I got into work this morning. My boss is on vacation, so I won't ever have to see her again. In fact, as I arrived there was no one there who was in "charge" at the place. Not that we all don't know how to run the business anyway...

I had bought my breakfast at my usual coffee shop... I was sad to see that the hot girl who works there wasn't in today. Instead there was this other woman behind the counter whom I don't really like. She looks... dirty. I don't understand why a place that deals with food would hire a person like that... I mean - wouldn't you at least expect that someone who's going to touch what you're going to eat will look nice and clean?

Anyway... I got my cheese sandwich and my pistachio bun, and the orange juice that I usually buy there. That amounts to approx. $6.

As I sit down in the break room eating my breakfast, talking to the other three co-workers I will be spending my day with, I see a new schedule print-out on the table. I decide to look it over to make sure that I am scheduled correctly for the remaining month and a half that I am supposed to get pay without actually working... isn't that going to be sweet?

Now... that's when I started to become agitated. I am not even ON the darn thing. My name is nowhere to be found.

And, with the boss on vacation, and no one really in charge - who do I speak to?

Later, the Sales Manager came into work, despite having the day off, so I confront her about the situation. Of course, she doesn't know a thing. So I do the only thing that's left for me to do.

I call the District Manager... the schmuck in charge. I tell her that I'm not even on the schedule, and she tells me that I should be.

"Well, I'm not."

"Your store manager did the schedule on Monday. She should have included you."

"I know that... but I'm not there."

Apparently, after discussing the matter, it appears that she did, in fact, schedule me, but decided not to include me in the print-out. Alright, fair enough - but I want to see it, to make sure that the hours are the way they should be.

So, the district manager ended up faxing me a copy of the schedule. Could barely read the stupid thing, because our fax machine is from the middle ages or something. I'm getting someone else to print me a copy tomorrow - one that I will take with me home and keep in case they try to slip one by me here. They're not dealing with an imbecile here...

With that done. I leisurely helped out re-arranging the store in preparation for summer articles that are already coming into stock. I'm not busting my balls... but I need to make time go by a little at least.

I swear - today felt like a week at the place.

One of the co-workers I like, and will miss, got some sad news today. I was in the office when I hear her in the breakroom crying - speaking on the phone. My heart sank, as it sounded as if someone had died. I didn't want to interrupt her phonecall, and so I stepped outside to give her some space.

Turned out someone did die... it was her cat. Her neighbors had found the cat on their porch, curled up as if it was sleeping. After a while when the cat hadn't moved they realized he was dead, and so they called her up to tell of the bad news.

She's burying the cat tonight.

Oh! Almost forgot.

I'll be adding a song to the playlist each of those three days as well.

This time I chose "Wish I Had An Angel" by Nightwish. They are a Finnish hard rocking band that mixes the heavy with some "opera" like singing by the beautiful voice of Tarja. She's no longer with the band, and I don't really like their new album. She was what made them special!

This is a really good song!

Bug Eye Tired

I don't know what it is... well, I do know - I don't sleep properly at night - but, I'm bug eye tired.

Crappy day at work today. Oh, how I wish today had been the last day! Now, I gotta work the weekend, as well as those long 11 hour shifts next week. Already I have agreed to work an extra half hour on Saturday, because poor scheduling meant there was only one left after closing to count the cash drawers and finish things up (aka work "closing"). Fine, I'll do it - it's half an hour that pays like a full hour, and hardly any work involved. I mean, who says it's hard work to sit on your butt counting some money and fiddling around with the computer?

I actually laughed a little bit today. Let me just tell you about these experiences at work today, which will give you an insight into how perfectly well things are organized at the place I work. And read irony into that statement.

The store manager is away for the remainder of the week, getting some information and education on some new things (they don't tell us what these secret things are, for some reason - though it is something she will need to pass on to us once she returns). Okay - that happens, right - nothing funny about that.

The thing is... our assistant store manager (actually the sales manager, they way it is structured at our store) whom I genuinely do NOT like, is doing the morning meeting as I arrive. Now, I gotta give the lady some credit here - this is a day off for her, and she had been in at work since 7AM this morning, and she stayed til 7:30PM when I went home after closing.

What is funny here is that she looked at me during the morning meeting and asked me:

"R.E.H. what is up with your situation here?"

"What do you mean?", I ask.

"Well, I hear today might be your last day...". Notice the might be?

"No, I don't think so. According to the Union Rep the District Manager wanted me to stay on for another week. I wasn't going to accept the 19th as the date of my lay off, so it's been pushed forward to the 25th, and because of that I need to work another week. But, I don't know for sure - the Union Rep said it had something to do with the scheduling."

"Ok. Did the store manager talk to you at all about this yesterday?"

"No she did not. Only person I've talked to about this is the Union Rep."

"So, when do you do your last day?"

"I don't know."

So, apparently - our store manager has not filled in for me on the schedule. That means they will be understaffed every day I was supposed to have worked, right? That's minus one body on the premises.

Add to this the following. Next week - our store manager goes on vacation - for three weeks if I understood the whole thing right. She has not scheduled anyone to work her hours at the store. That's minus two bodies on the premises.

Now, if you lose two workers out of five, that leaves you with only three.

Add to that the following. One of the guys who was supposed to work this weekend had told our store manager that he could not take those hours, in which he was scheduled to work. This guy works two jobs, and is only an extra at the store I work at (for one more week). His other job is his priority, of course. She had scheduled him without checking his availability, so he told her he cannot work those two days.

She has not replaced him on the schedule.

If I had in fact not worked this weekend, as was planned, out of the three people scheduled to work on Sunday - a day on which we never are more than three people working - there would be NONE able to work, and neither would've been replaced. That would have made it interesting.

So, now that I am back in the frame, and the Sales Manager working the weekend there are two of us. And here is the killer.

Because we do not have anyone left to call in for work, it became known to me that a girl who quit to move to Norway during the fall is now back in the picture. So, they lay me off, and bring back other people as extra workers to make up for the hours they've lost. That way they don't have to pay these extra workers any health benefits and what not.

So, I lose my job, and other people will work my hours, while the company can claim that they have less people on the payroll.

The other funny thing is that when our store manager goes on vacation, nothing about my situation has been resolved. She has left no information about what needs to be done, and there are a ton of things that needs be done as summer approaches and lots of new stuff is coming in. We need to assemble all the patio furniture, make space to display those, learn all the technical details so that we can answer the most ridiculous questions customers tend to ask.

Further chuckles escaped me as I had to start off the day by figuring out, all by myself, and then teaching the others at work how to custom order roller blinds.

This is a new thing we sell at the store as of this Monday. Not one person has been given the required information on how to do this, should a customer want to buy it. This lady had been in yesterday, when I had a day off, but they had not been able to service her. They said they would look it up, and if she comes back today we will know how this new thing works.

So... I dig through the archives of the computer, and indeed I find a step-by-step tutorial how to place the order. So I help the customer, and then I have to show to the others how to do it.

I look forward to the day when they have to figure things like this out for themselves.

It has always been like that. We are not given the necessary information when needed. We've known we were going to start selling custom made roller blinds for the past two months - still we have not been informed how that works.

My store manager knew, on Tuesday, that it was the last day she would ever work with me. She didn't even have the common courtesy to find me and say goodbye, wish me luck, or whatever before she went home that day. She simply vacated the premises, without saying a word to a single person.

I remember on Tuesday, as one of the registers malfunctioned, I walked into the office to let her know that she would have to get in touch with support next day and fix the register. I couldn't find her. I asked the others where she was and they said they didn't know... half an hour later we all figure she must've gone home.

I called support first thing this morning and fixed the cash register. It works just fine now. Two days later...

Some people want home delivery on stuff they buy. Maybe because they don't have access to a car big enough to transport it all, or they are too old to carry heavy boxes themselves and don't have anyone who can help them out. Anyway - when a date is booked for delivery, it is of course important that we deliver on that day. People might even have taken time off work to be there to receive the furniture.

On Tuesday, I had one of these, and it was important they have it delivered before 4PM on Thursday, which is today, right. That requires that we book the delivery with the delivery service the day before it is due.

First thing, this morning, I find that paper still in the slot awaiting confirmation. I ask if it has been booked - and of course it hasn't.

I called up the delivery guys and asked them if they could please squeeze in this delivery today, as we had missed booking it yesterday.

The customers got their new mattresses today - before 4PM.

I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone at my job or anything. I make my fair share of mistakes too... but is that not all a result of being understaffed?

Yeah, I'm boring you all with this work crap blogging. Soon enough - that'll all be over and done with.

Now, who wants a beer?

Two Little Ramblings

Just a couple little things that I want to get off my chest today...

To begin with - lets talk about work, baby. Let's talk about them and me, let's talk about... yeah, I was going for that Pretty Ricky song as reference here, but it didn't work for more than those two first lines. For the full effect, read that as if it were the lyrics to the song, and snap your fingers to keep the beat. Then you'll be able to feel like I did when I wrote that short segment of this post.

Anyway. I had demands, right. I was going to get them to put forth the date of the lay-off, meaning I get a few more days of pay, right?

Granted.

I demanded the pay be calculated as if I was working, including bonus payments I would receive had I been actually working.

Granted.

I demanded that the days I am not entitled to work, but still being paid, will also count as if I was working, meaning that I will get a full four weeks of vacation pay paid out in full in my final pay-check.

Granted.

Freakin' great! But, there's a catch. Mr. Ass-Hat the Union Rep called me up this morning... again! Well, he actually did the negotiations for me, and most of what I wanted came through, so I am obliged to take away the Ass-Hat name for him - let's just settle for Mr. Weenie-Hat instead - that's not quite as vulgar. So, Mr. Weenie-Hat called me up this morning to tell me of the good news that I just told you. I'm getting some money after all...

...but now they want me to work another week.

What the heck! I was so mentally prepared to do my last day of work tomorrow, so this really hit me in the gut like a wrecking ball. I so do not want to spend another minute in that place. On top of it all - next week is the worst working hours for me, when I work opening til closing every single day.

Well, I'm going to need the extra week's salary, so I can't really say no, can I? I got everything else I wanted, so I guess it all comes down as a fair enough deal.

Enough of work...

I gotta stop eating candy and other delightful treats again. See, I lost all that weight, partly because I started going to the gym, and in part because I almost entirely stopped eating chocolate, chips and various delicious pastries. I ate healthy stuff, even if it didn't taste quite as good - and my pounds rapidly dropped.

Now, I didn't go on a diet or anything... I just changed things around a little, and instead of mainly eating the fattening stuff, I brought that down to a respectable level, and replaced that with some of the more healthy food items around. I didn't keep track of things or anything, and I still gave myself a treat every now and then. Without that - you might just as well book me a permanent padded cell at the local insane asylum right away.

Now, I've noticed that I am starting to gain weight again. Despite still going to the gym. Of course, that is because I have started eating chocolate bars, chips and other things (including the tiny little cheesecakes I found last week... I'm going crazy on those right now).

Yep, I gotta stop.

Makes me think though - something I thought about many times, and still I am not able to figure this out...

Why is it that the healthier the food, the worse it tastes? And, the more fattening it is, the more you just want to stuff your face full of it and swallow it 'til it damn near makes you puke?

I wish veggies were tasty, and chocolate made me barf.

WWC / Rubicon On Hold

This'll be the last Tuesday that I have to be in at work at the place I've been earning my paycheck for the last four years. I'm kind of excited about that. It's starting to look like my demands will be met, but nothing is final on that yet...

Did I say it was Tuesday?

Yes! That means we're about to have us some fun with the Weekly Words Challenge. The WWC is brought to us by the hacky sack packin' zombie saviour Tink of Pickled Beef. And she gave us the words WOOD and METAL to play with this week.

Before I present my pictures of this week, I will give you some rather bad (sad?) news. Now, don't be too upset about this, but I've decided to put my Rubicon Heart story on hold for a little bit. I do intend to get back to it, but for the last week my private life (I try to maintain that too) has been a little hectic. So that's been the reason why you didn't get a new chapter this week. Then, for some reason, since The One left the country, my need to write the thing and get it out of my system has diminished. I can't really explain it... but I've just not felt right about writing it this past week.

If I don't feel right doing it, I don't think it'd be fair to put it out there for your reading pleasure either.

I hope to get back on it soon, though. Just letting you know that it may be a while before you get to read on...

Now, I hope you are still in the mood for some pictures!

That sign says "Build & WOOD" in Swedish

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A WOOD swing set at the playground

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Stainless steel is a METAL

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A METAL gate

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Heavy METAL !!!

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WOOD and METAL slide

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METAL blade and WOOD handle knife

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So there you have it. My WWC pictures for this week. Next week we will be playing with the words STONE and GLASS. She's giving us a break lately with some easier words... but, as I found this week - it wasn't all that much easier.

There were a couple of pictures, that I thought would rock this week, that I meant to go out and take this morning before I went to work. But, weather had the audacity to ruin it for me. It was pouring rain all morning, and I just couldn't get out there to take the pictures I wanted - that's why you got those late night pics from a playground near my home. In a state of panic, I walked over there as I got home from work, and hoped the flash would be enough for a couple of acceptable shots.

Anyway!

In case you missed it, I posted the new Picture Fiction Challenge for next month. Scroll on down to see that if you missed it yesterday.

Now, I'm Pissed... but, I found a treat!

Hey!

Hey-hey-hey... no, no, no! I'm not flippin' the bird at you people. Don't get me wrong here!

I'm giving the finger to my idiot of a Union Representative. Yes, that same dickswab who called me up on the first day of my "mini-vacation", to make sure that I was aware of the fact that I was about to be fired. You know - the guy I called Morgan to give the jack-ass a name, as if he deserved one. I should've just went with Mr. Ass-Hat.

So, Mr. Ass-Hat had called me yesterday again. Now, I told the stupid jerk that I was on vacation, and had no interest in dealing with this crap until I got back to work. Still, he called twice yesterday, leaving a messege on my answering machine. It said:

"I have a protocol here from your work, and there is something I would like to discuss with you. I guess I'll try calling you back later, and we'll see if I have more luck reaching you then. Thank You."

Yeah, you'll see if you're "lucky enough" to reach me.

Obviously - he didn't reach me yesterday - so I had the honor of once again recieving that phonecall just as I sat down with my obligatory cup of coffee in front of the computer.

"Hello?"

"Yes, this is Morgan from the Union again. I tried to reach you yesterday, but you weren't home. Are you enjoying your vacation?"

Now, you see - this is where I really start to be pissed off. I wanted to say 'I would enjoy it if you'd stop bugging me every damn day', but I'm a nice guy so I just brought on my best voice of annoyance and said:

"I'm trying to..."

"Well. I have a protocol here from your regional manager concerning you, and I wanted to discuss this with you."

"Ok. What is it?"

"Well, you know - you have a two month period of notice, right"

Period of notice is the time during which I am required to work at the place after officially having been laid off. This is designed to protect the employee, and ensure him the income for an extra two months - as well as time to actually find a new job.

"Yes, that's what you told me last time"

"Okay. Here's what they want to offer you. You work for the remainder of this month, and then you don't have to work any more. Your salary will be paid out to you during the remainder of your notice. They also want to put the date of notice retroactive to the 19th."

Wait a minute - hold on a minute here. There are papers to sign here - the place I work at has tried to get me to sign back-dated documents before... that's how they operate. Not until I sit down with them, pen in hand, signing a document with THE CURRENT DATE imprinted on it, will I be accepting the lay off.

And, while not working for the final month and a half, and still getting paid, sounds like a good idea... I'm not an imbecile. This deal is good for them - and it's bad for me... wanna know why? Because I would not recieve the extra pay one earns after 6PM every day - and the weekends are DOUBLE pay... I would miss out on nearly a thousand dollars during this time if I don't do the time inside the walls of that place I've called work for the past four years.

Further more... I'm beginning to wonder why in the hell I was placed on vacation THIS week? Was it so they could work out a deal with the Union that would suit them, and not having to be interfered with by me?

I know, I'm the kind of guy that will cause a ruckus at work when I feel things are handled badly. I've often been an inconvenience to them, and they haven't been happy about that. What do I care? Right is still right, and wrong never is.

I told the schmuck on the phone that I'll have to think about this, and that I'll get back to him when my stupid little vacation ends!

Anyway... looks like I'll only have to work one more week at the place when I return. I certainly don't feel like sticking around. What I'm gonna do, however, is try to work out a better deal for me. I will sign the papers of resignation on the 29th. I will expect my period of notice to last until that last of April, during which time I will expect my salary to be paid out in full - that meaning my additional payments need be calculated as well. Then, of course, I would have an additional 20 vacation days due in the summer - these 20 days I will expect to have paid out in full in that final paycheck.

We'll see how much they like that deal.

So - pardon my french... but Fuck You District Manager, Fuck You Store Manager, and a big ass Finger Bird and a Fuck You to Mr. Ass-Hat, Morgan the Union Rep!

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I found a treat...

Yeah, a little something to improve my mood after gym today. I had to pick up some stuff at the grocery store, and I went to this place I don't usually shop at. I went there today, because they are the only ones who carry the particular brand of Ramen Noodles that I like. Ramen is my number one evening snack when I'm hungry - easy to cook, delicious taste! Add a piece of toast with cheese on it, and you're good to go.

Anyway - what I found was one of the things I miss the most from the States...

Cheesecake!

I freakin' loooove cheesecake, and it is unheard of over here. There is something they call cheesecake over here, but it doesn't even remotely resemble a New York Style Strawberry Cheesecake.

A couple of years ago, there was a store that carried some American Foods imports, and they sold the Betty Crocker cheesecake mix. I often bought that, but I guess I was the only one who did, since they stopped selling them after a while. I asked them about it.

"Hey, where's the cheesecake mix? Haven't seen it for weeks now."

"Oh, that thing didn't sell. We won't be bringing that back"

They also sold root beer - another thing that people don't know what it is over here. That was taken off the shelves about six months later... I want my Root Beer!

Hershey's Peanut Butter Cups lasted the shortest of it all - and were gone less than two months after I found them.

I can still buy me some Mississippi Belle Pancake Syrup, and the Pancake Mix. Marshmallow Fluff and (thank the Lord) Hellman's REAL Mayonnaise!

Anyway... I found a cheesecake in the store today. It made me laugh... I had to take a picture of it to share with you all:

Now, if that isn't the smallest little cheesecake you ever saw, I don't know what!

The little thing was tasty though. Finally got the taste of cheesecake in my mouth... although it lasted for all of five seconds. But, it really tasted like the real thing. They sold them in strawberry (pictured) and lemon. No plain ones - but that's ok.

Wanna know what that little thing cost?

$1.50

Tired Ramblings

Well, I didn't really know what to write about today - plus, I'm tired (and I wanna go to bed). So, I thought I'd just blog about a few random little things that aren't really deserving of a full post anyway.

Next week should give me plenty of time to blog. Next week I have sort of a mini-vacation. I had a few vacation days left, and now work has "forced me" to take those days off. So, the four days I was originally scheduled to work next week have been scrapped, and I will enjoy a full week off.

I can hardly wait! It'll be like a preview of life post-working-there. Those will be the days! Hehe...

During this time off, there's one thing I'll have to do that is certainly not fun. I need to wash my windows in the apartment. See. During the winter I don't see the sun much. When I get up and go to work... it is dark. When I get off work and go home... it is dark. The other day, I was home and the sun was shining bright. I looked out the window, because it was so beautiful out there... and GOOD LORD! Those windows were as mucky as the windshield of a four-wheel drive after a long ride through the mud.

And... I want to take this opportinity to thank Knight over at Knight's Knacht-Up Ramblings for choosing me to be her "blogentine" on Valentine's Day. Thanks, sweetie - you brought brightness to a dark and lonely day ;)

Isn't that thing nice?

And, speaking of Knight and her blog. I saw this thing over at her place a while ago, and I've been meaning to post about it. I copied the link and all, and then I forgot all about it - until now.

It's like a meme kind of thing, only it isn't. There is a site on the web where you can enter your birthday, and find out what song was playing on the radio back in those days. Yes - the number one hit on the day you were born.

So, while I was crawling out of my mother's womb, greeting the world with ear-shattering cries - The Partridge Family were singing "I Think I Love You". Yeah, baby!

I think that'll do it for today.

Tomorrow is Funday Sunday again, and I'll try not to be quite as raunchy as I was last week ;)

Work That Muscle!

I realized something today... don't ever slack off from gym for an extended period of time! It is pure terror when you return.

Because I had been working a lot, and I was pre-occupied mentally by thoughts of The One leaving for Asia, myself about to lose my job and adding to that the simple fact that I came down with a cold. Albeit a mild case of the sniffles, but enough to make me feel that going to the gym would be too strenuous for me - and subsequently not exactly be a healthy option. I am a strong believer that if you carry a virus in your system, working out is not going to be beneficial. Thus - I haven't been going there for two weeks. Oh, don't get me wrong - I wasn't sick for two weeks... laziness played a part in this.

I went today. I had hoped The One would go there with me, but she couldn't find the time. I agreed to meet my cousin Andy there instead - because I felt I really needed to get back on track with my work-out program.

Now, I did feel a little tired all day today because I haven't slept really well for quite some time. I have felt like that before, and the gym usually makes you feel so much better once you get started.

Not today!

Today was so hard and I didn't feel like I had an ounce of strength in my entire body. The weights I usually do seemed to weigh about twice as much as they used to. Not only was it much heavier... I didn't have the mental strength either - you know the part when your brain takes over and keeps yelling at you "you can do it! ONE MORE!!!". Instead - that same reptilian brain of mine would shout "Fuck that's heavy! NO WAY you can do this!", and I would give up.

I ended up using the same weights (I'm too much of a man to take any off) - but I had to succumb to the pressure and do less repetitions. Focused mainly on the pecs and the biceps today... those are the muscles that also strengthen a man's ego.

I was completely worn out after today. I took a rinse-off in the shower and climbed to the top bench in the sauna and sat down. I spoke to my cousin about the possibility of me moving away in the future. We talked about The One and her leaving, and we talked about a get together of cousins I'd been planning for later this month... which now looks like it won't happen.

We also talked about the fact that I had no strength at all left in my body after my two week leave of absence at the gym. Yeah, I carried a virus and all... but seriously - today was like it was the first time in my life I went to a gym.

Now, later. I'm thinking about how important it is to keep working on those muscles, and how quickly they start to decay if not being trained on a regular basis. And, I'm also thinking the brain is a muscle.

Here's where it gets interesting!

It's really very similar to working out at a gym - and equally important that you work out that muscle inside your cranium: The Brain.

If ever you decide to do some research on creative writing you will find that the one advice that you will continue to come across time and time again is this:

WRITE. WRITE. WRITE! ... and then WRITE some more!

If you do that... soon enough you will find that writing comes easily. Words start appearing on the page without you feeling like you have to coax them out of the deepest parts of your brain. They just flow out of your fingertips and onto the keyboard as easily as it is to think, fantasize and daydream.

And, does this not apply to all forms of brain functionality?

I'm thinking... my recent situation with The One, my job and everything. If I continue to think about these things and actually work on: A) Getting over The One. B) Accept the fact that she will not be here to smile that wonderful smile at me. C) Really focus on what it is that I want to do with my life, and D) Be happy!

Will my brain not after a while be able to do all these things naturally? Resulting in me feeling good about myself, and not have to force happy thoughts into my brain?

But, I would have to keep doing this on a daily basis. I could start easy... with the "Be Happy" part. Sitting down for fifteen minutes every day - repeating in my head "I am happy, I am happy". I can do them in tens. Ten repeats, then I can relax a little... and let that happy feeling wash over me. Do another ten "I am happy"'s and rest.

Yeah... this last part is stupid. But, think about it seriously. If you focus on making your brain think in a certain pattern, and experience a specific mood... would it no become easier and easier, and you would feel happy and content with your situation without much effort after a while.

I am going back to the gym on a regular basis from now on. No more slacking.

I am also looking to find a good work-out schedule for that twisted brain of mine.

Responsive Ramblings

That whole post about me being laid off from work really caught fire (pun certainly intended), and brought up quite a few more thoughts than those related to my work and financial situation.

I thought I should adress some of these questions and ponderings in a post today - since I'm way too tired to do anything really creative. I've been working my butt off the last couple of day... wondering why I even bother. But, lets not get ahead of ourselves. Lets divide this into a couple of sub-categories, to keep me from rambling incoherently, and leaving you all frustrated with little to no understanding of what you've been reading... Yeah, I'm that tired today!

The whole Sweden thing:
One thing that really (surprisingly enough) caught on in the comments on that post was the fact that I reside in that small European country called Sweden. I thought Y'all knew about that by now.

Initially - when I started this blog - I had no intention of letting people know where I lived. That has proven to be difficult to hide. It all started when I was writing the Introduction to Rubicon Heart, where I realized I needed to tell of how we moved to another country when my mother and father got divorced. It was even long before that that I sometimes felt it was difficult to write what I wanted to say. One example would be the story of when I groped that chick on an airplane. Well, now that you know I was living way over here - it makes it easier to understand why a 16 year old kid would take an eight hour flight to visit his father... right?

Anyway. Another reason I've decided to let you all in on this little "secret", is because I feel it will be easier with that out there, and of course, make me feel like I am fully honest with you all, as I've always intended to be.

But, lets clarify some more.

I was born and raised American. At six, my mother divorced my father, and moved back to her home country - Sweden - bringing me along. I didn't see my father for seven years after that. I barely heard from him. But, as I hit my pre-teen years we started to get in touch again, as he had gotten his life back on track. I've been going back and forth between Sweden and the US ever since.

It is quite possible I may return to America in the not so distant future.

The Relief:
Having had some time to reflect upon losing my job, after the initial shock, I've come to the conclusion that it really is for the best. I mean, you have all heard me complaining about the Hell Hole I work at.

Another reason to feel relieved at being laid off presented itself the day after I received the news. This coming week is my "slow" week. Always has been - the week when I work Tuesday, Thursday and the weekend only. So, I decided to look on the schedule to see which time I needed to come in on Tuesday... the time I start varies from 8AM to 10PM. Much to my surprise I notice that I am scheduled to work on Monday.

What the hell? I haven't worked a monday in a year at the place. Monday's are my day off! Now, apparently, I'm due in at 1PM til 7:30PM - what kind of idiot hours to work are those? On Tuesday I work 2PM til 7:30PM, and it goes on. Now that slow week leaves only Wednesday off, and instead I start working afternoons til closing every fucking day. Hell no! I'm not doing those hours... the whole day is ruined working those hours. I need my days off!

Maybe they are just trying to piss me off the last couple of months. Well, I've got news for them - I was pissed off long before they started messing with my schedule!

The financial side of things:
This is what worries me. I've got to pay rent - and I've got payments on my brand new car. Add to that regular living costs, such as phone, television, my internet connection, food, drink (BEER!) and the occasional hooker... oh, sorry (!!!) - I mean; martini for the pretty lady at the bar, so she will agree to come home with me and let me... STOP IT!

Really. As it is, I barely make ends meet every month. Too often I am forced to dip into my savings account, and there is nothing worse than watching my savings decrease. I simply need to find a job that will prevent me from falling into poverty.

That is not as easy as it sounds... not over here. Unemployment is one of the biggest problems in this country. And, to pour salt into my gaping wound, as I listened to the radio the morning after I was laid off, the news predict a higher unemployment rate during 2008. Could they not have waited a couple of days before bringing me that information?

The Future:
This is the thing that I will probably be thinking really hard about for the next few weeks or months.

If it was all up to me. If I didn't have to take other people into account, I know exactly what I would do. I would go back to the States and persue that career in the movies that I've wanted since I was a little kid.

I mentioned it to one of my co-workers today.

"I've been thinking maybe I should just move back to the States and take a shot at Hollywood."

"That's what you HAVE to do!", she says. "I don't understand why you haven't done so a long time ago. You clearly don't belong here."

"Yeah, I know. It's not easy... you know - it's not like were 20 any longer"

"What? You don't have a wife and kids or anything. You can just go. If I wasn't married and didn't have kids I would be gone tomorrow!"

"There really isn't anything keeping me here, is there?"

And, while I pondered that. Yes - there is the thing about my mother. I know that life for her would be so much worse without me around. She's not a young gal, and she needs help with a lot of things... She also suffers from massive depression, and anxiety attacks. It would be horrible for her if I decided to move that far away.

But, I need to think about my own happiness too. I don't feel like I DO belong here. Not only do I not belong in a furniture store... I don't really belong in this country. Never really have - not in my heart.

But... if I do return. Where do I go? My father is no longer around, so there's really no reason to move back to Florida - except for the fact that I love it down there, and the fact there is a house available for me there. Having a place to live means a lot. Yeah - Florida would be my first choice if only considering where I want to spend my days.

Connecticut is where I still have family... but I'm not looking to move back there - I hate the winter, remember? Still, it would be nice to be close to family that I've not ever really had the chance to really get together with.

California... Hollywood. So... cliché! And, I've never set foot on the west coast in my life. But - still, that would be the place to go if I am really serious about giving a theatrical career a shot. And... imagine how this blog would change should I embark on that adventure. Honestly... that too sounds quite appealing to me ;) "Adventures of a Rambling Madman on Hollywood Boulevard".

There is yet another option. There is this baseball simulation that I've wanted to make. A computer game that has been neglected ever since I started blogging. Programming a game all alone is really hard work... but I believe I could make it a good one. What if I took time off from working and tried to finish that thing off? How much could I make from selling that? Enough to make it all worth while?

And, of course. I could write a novel or some movie scripts, and hope to sell or publish those.

So much going on in my head the last few days... and I still don't know what my decision will be. Still - I don't really need to make any decision just yet. I've got a couple of months still...

One thing is certain though... it's time for CHANGE!

Fired!

It looks as if one of my New Year's Resolutions are going to be fulfilled after all... although, perhaps, not quite the way I had intended for it to happen.

I don't remember if I've mentioned it anywhere in my blog of late, but the place where I work have been in the habit of cutting down on staff lately. I had been fairly safe at my position, but as more people were laid off, and a couple more resigned for other reasons (such as finding a much better place to work at), the pecking order has come down to me.

About a week and a half ago, it was announced that they would be looking to offload another employee, as our sales have gone down a lot lately. I knew, of course, that I would be a likely candidate to be axed.

The way it works over here, is that the union has a say in these things. The employers can't just up and fire someone because they feel like it. They need to have a good reason, and so they had the meeting with the union today. When the store manager and regional manager returned later today, and I was relieved of my duty at the register, I knew exactly what was going to happen as I stepped into the office.

They claimed to be so sorry, but they were gonna have to let me go. They lied.

I said; "I'm so sorry that it had to come down to this, and I will miss it". I lied.

Another way that things work over here is that they can't let me go on the day. It is still unclear how long I will have to keep going there to waste my time... but at least I'll have an income for the next two or three months. After that I better have another job or things are going to be really tough financially.

Anyone got a job for me? A well paid one, which requires minimum effort?

Seriously, though. If you've been reading this blog at all - you know how much I hate this place I'm working at... so I'm not in the least upset that they let me go. But, as it is - I do worry about my future as I'm already short on cash each month. Being single, with a reasonably nice apartment, and a car that is (honestly) much more expensive than I should've bought. Hey! I need to support the American auto industry in any way I can... it's not like I'd buy a stupid Volvo just because I live in Sweden, right? I want my Chrysler!

So... I've got a couple months, at least, before I need to have figured out what to do with my situation. And, if I thought going to work was hell before - just imagine what it feels like now, when I know for a fact I will not be around for much longer.

We're already starting to prepare for summer season, when we (they?) sell a lot of patio and lawn furniture... and what do I care? I won't be there to sell the crap, will I?

Of course, we always hire a couple of extra workers during the summer - to cover for vacations and such... maybe I could pick up a summer job at the place? That's how I ended up there in the first place. I thought I'd suffer through one summer, and I ended up spending almost four years in that hell hole.

Maybe now is a good time to take a serious look at what I really want to do with my life. Maybe now is the time to take a chance on those dreams that I have. But, it's hard.

I'm not 20 years old anymore. When you're 20 it's easy to just take a risk and run off to Hollywood, hoping for the best. At thirty-seven... that sounds very risky and frightening indeed.

Me hast a some tinkin' to do!

WWC / Going To Work

Weekly Words Challenge time again! And this week the words we interpreted were ENVY and TRIANGLE. Credit goes to the manure truck avoiding Tink of Pickled Beef (in bed) for providing the words to us.

Quick! Go check her out if you haven't before. She's the sweetest li'l gal in Blogville!

There, there... back at my place, are you? Good.

I wanted to share with you something I did today. Something which really got me upset, while the others were laughing at me. Don't we all like to bask in other peoples misery? Here's your chance to bask in mine.

I was unbelievably tired this morning when the alarm went off. My insomnia has kicked in big-time again, and I lay in bed for over half an hour before I could drag my sorry ass out of it. I came very close to calling in sick for work, because I couldn't figure out how I was going to survive the day - that's how tired I was.

Well, a guy needs his hard earned cash, right? So, I grab my lunch out of the refrigerator, which I had prepared the day before, and I go out in the freezing cold to scrape the windows of the car. Then, finally I'm on my way.

At work, I walk into the break room. This is where we always have our morning meetings.

"Mornin'", I mumble through almost motionless lips.

I'm glad to see the coffee pot ready, so I grab my cup and fill it up. Then I proceed into the office and have a look at the ToDo list we have. This list shows who's doing what, and when. I read it... and the one thing I'm pleased about is that I don't have any register duty today. My boss and another co-worker is looking curiously at me the whole time.

I look at warehouse duty, which is where I expect to see my name. No... not there either. Ok. So I probably have one of those scatter days where I am supposed to be everywhere and there as well. But, I don't see my name.

"Is this today's ToDo list?", I ask my co-worker. My boss had exited the office at this time.

"Yes", she says.

"Why am I not on it?", I ask.

"Because you don't work today", she says looking grimly evil, and pleased on top of it.

"Yes, I do. It's Tuesday. I work 9:30AM til 7:30PM". I always work those hours on Tuesdays.

"Not according to the schedule". She still smiles that pleased grin at me.

I grab the schedule, and have a look. Wouldn't you believe! The bastards have gone and changed the freakin' schedule and not said a word about it to poor old me. They were right - I did not work today... thank you very much.

Well... I stuck around for the morning meeting, finishing my coffee, enduring several funny one-liners directed at my being there and further becoming irritated about the fact they changed my schedule without my knowing.

So... enough of that - on to the WWC:

ENVY only released that one album - Ain't that a sin?

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I ENVY those who never find their car like this.
(That is ice... not snow - it won't come off!)

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Little flags in the shape of a TRIANGLE

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This road sign has the shape of a TRIANGLE

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Several TRIANGLE shapes and a circle makes a sun

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Now that covers the WWC for me this week. Hope you enjoyed (boy I found this one tough, but I think I got a few reasonable shots this week). Next week we are doing the words PRIDE and CIRCLE.

I will also recommend that you read up on the first chapter of the Rubicon Heart story below, if you haven't had the chance to do so yet. Leave me comments on that one - good or bad... I appreciate your opinions on that one!

Take care!

Irritable Ramblings

Rubicon Heart Update:
Did you ever feel like you were out jogging one beautiful morning, and everything was just perfect. Each step feeling light, and the scenery around you breathtakingly beautiful... and then suddenly you trip and fall face first into Poison Ivy?

Well... that's pretty much what's happened to me on the "Rubicon Heart" story. I'm trying really hard to finish that next installment for you all, and I promise to have it out there soon. I'm planning on posting Chapter One on Monday. Let's hope I can find the strength and energy to complete it by then.

The One Update:
I was convincing myself that things were better there for a while. That we were getting along just fine, and that maybe - somehow - I would be able to get close to her once again. The way things used to be before the big L-O-V-E issue came between us.

I think now I may have been fooling myself on that one. I'm starting to realize that I am the one who's doing everything for her, and not getting a damn thing in return. I'm starting to feel like she doesn't really give a rats ass about me, my needs or my feelings. I am only there for her whenever she needs me to be... and if I were to ask something of her - well, she'll probably have other things that require her attention.

Because I've started to think of our friendship like this, I've been very irritable the last few days. This is probably one of the reasons I'm having a hard time with the Rubicon Heart story, because it was aimed to address the whole thing between me and The One, which I am now beginning to realize is not a story which will either have a happy ending, nor an open ending which would allow for a sequel. I'm beginning to worry that me and The One is nothing more than a closed chapter.

Maybe I could come to terms with the fact that she doesn't love me like I love her, but I don't know if I can keep seeing her when I don't feel like she cares about me as a friend either. I need her to love me one way or the other - romantically or simply as a friend.

It took me fifteen years to truly fall in love again... how long before I'm ready to open myself to those feelings again?

Fuck My Job:
Irritable doesn't even begin to explain how I feel at work these days. I came very close to just walking out the door once again today. I was aimlessly wandering the warehouse all alone, looking at the mess around me and I thought:

What if I'd just walk out the door right now? What if I just went home, packed my belongings and bought a one-way ticket to Hollywood? I'm not a young dude anymore - this is what I should have done 15 years ago... but as you will find out in Rubicon Heart, other things were happening in my life back then. I simply cannot do this crap for much longer, or I'll end up in a padded cell at the Institution for the Savagely Insane.

Insomnia:
When you add the above negatives together, the end result is a severe case of insomnia. I've not slept well for at least two weeks now - so that part of my New Year's Resolutions is going straight to the frying pan.

It's even worse than I've experienced for a very long time. It's keeping me awake until 3AM at night, and I'm currently operating on 3 hours worth of sleep on average. That's no way to keep those creative brain cells in good condition.

Poker Annoyance:
Another result of all of this is that I'm now having a minor dispute with one of my best friends. One of my most dependable poker buddies, who will always show up when a game of Texas Hold'Em is on the table.

He sent me a text at work today, as we'd planned to play tonight - but we were a couple bodies short. So, he asks if I'd recruited any more players. I couldn't answer immediately, because I was working, right? So a couple of hours later he texts me again, letting me know that he is giving up on the idea of poker tonight because he's tired of waiting 'til the last minute every Saturday. I sent the following text back to him:

'I CANNOT FUCKING REPLY INSTANTLY SINCE I'M AT FUCKING WORK, YOU KNOW. NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY ANYWAY - SO FUCK IT!'

I've not heard a word from him since... no poker tonight - as you might've guessed.

Advice from the Subconscious:
I need to get some sleep and have some serious fun. Cheer up! Get your shit together! What good comes from sulking anyway?

Tomorrow is "Funday Sunday":
That concludes my depressive ramblings for today... tomorrow I'll be funny again - because I've scheduled Sunday's to be funny... Hardy-har!

WWC / End Of The 6

Welcome, my friends... to the year of 2008, and to the very first edition of the Weekly Words Challenge of the year. I'm sure we'll be seeing and posting many wondrous pictures as the year goes on.

If it wasn't for the church-romancing homebloy, Tink of Pickled Beef this would not have been as much fun as it is. She is the one to provide the words for us to play with, and the words she chose for this week were PATTERN and BROWN.

For a couple of weeks, I've not been complaining about the quality of my images, but this week I will revisit this particular bad habit... What? With all the holidays and consuming of alcoholic beverages, I've just not been quite the man I usually am. So, I'm sorry to say I didn't get the wonderful pictures you guys expect from me. I'll be sure to provide better quality pictures next time around.

So... the wonderful 6 days I had off from work ends as of today. Tomorrow I will have to drag my sorry butt back to work, and I can already feel the anxiety attack swoon me. It is like the idea of going to work has wrapped itself around my throat and is slowly applying the pressure, choking me like boa constrictor with an attitude. It won't be long now, before that feeling escalates and it will just wring my neck like a turkey on Thanksgiving.

Two days into the New Year... and I still haven't found another job... 364 days left to find one, or I'll be prepped for the stuffing.

I hereby present to you... my abysmal contribution to this weeks WWC:

The PATTERN on the edges of my hallway carpet.

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A BROWN bear on a stick

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Me on the first day of the New Year in a BROWN sweater.

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Clothes I bought that are mostly BROWN

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Well, there you have it. That's what I got for you this week. The words for next week will be STRANGE and BLACK - I can see potential for good pics come next week!

Tomorrow you will find a new "feature" here on Ramblings Of A Madman. It is a monthly feature that I have decided upon, that I hope you people will enjoy. So, do return tomorrow for that one!