They're out there... the Vicinity People. Lurking around, watching me, snickering and pointing their accusing fingers at me.
They're laughing at me, making fun of me. I am what they talk about during their coffee-breaks at work... when I'm not around. If I enter the room the silence tells the story. I look at them, into their eyes, reading their minds.
Come on, you conniving little dweebs, you. Confess! You know... you talk about it behind my back, don't you? Yes, you do. You know everything, and you're having a laugh at my expense...
The Vicinity People. They are the people I work with, they are who I believe to be my friends, they are my family, my neighbors, the people in the bars I frequent, the cashier at the grocery store, the hunks and the bend-over babes at the gym. They all know! That random dude I passed walking down the street - I saw that look you gave me! You too! You know!
I didn't take proper precautions. I didn't hide well enough. There's no place to hide now. I'm out there, bare naked in the streets, my inner emotions and feelings dangling in plain view for all to see. I wasn't thinking clearly... I must be insane!
I've locked my door, shut the blinds on my windows, dimmed the lights and I've been hiding in my chair by the gloom of my monitor. The words comfort me, soothe me. I need to get it all out of my system, because The Vicinity People wouldn't listen. They wouldn't care. But, I didn't take proper precautions... did I?
I put my picture out there. The Vicinity People will recognize me. They'll be browsing the cyber-world, stalking it the way people do, and they'll stumble across a picture of me. They will think: Hey... Isn't that? Hell yeah, it is. And they will read my blog, dissect it, analyze every single word I've put out there. If ever they doubted it was me on that picture they will know it is me from the stories they read. And they will know... far more than I ever wanted them to know.
I can't write about everything... I must stop. I must hide. I shall write nothing about me - I must not write anything personal ever again... because they will know. The Vicinity People - they will know. And they will tell each other, and they will talk about me, behind my back. They will snicker and I see them already, pointing their fingers at me when they don't think I notice. They'll be whispering into each other's ears, gossiping about what I wrote the other day...
"Did you hear? He was making out with some chick the other night. He wrote about it."
"Yeah, I know. And, I know who it was too. He didn't say her name, but I know who it was just the same. You'll never believe who it was!"
"Oh, tell me. Tell me, please. I need to know."
And now one of Them. One of the Vicinity People has become the victim of my sins too. One of them has now become one of the Outcast People. They will talk about the people I care about, the people I was supposed to protect while writing about them on the internet. I don't name them by their rightful names, I don't post their picture - I never will. But, the Vicinity People will read between the lines. They will understand by the context of my blogs who I'm talking about. And they will know things about them too, things the Outcast People don't want anyone to know. It was our secret, not a thing the world should know about. But I told... fucking tattletale me, I told... Forgive me, friend, for I have failed you.
If The One reads these pages... she'll know. No doubt. She'll know it is her I'm writing about. And, she'll hate me for it. She would hide in a dark alley, waiting for me to walk by. She'll have gathered all of the Vicinity People... and they'll jump out when I walk by. They will beat me to the ground and continue to kick me in the head, and then drag my lifeless body and throw me in a dumpster. They'll put a sign around my neck: "Traitor!" I have failed them too. They never asked to have their stories told to the world. It was me... my own selfish me. I entered the virtual world and told you my story, because I wanted to be loved, because I wanted confirmation that I was right all the time. They were just victims for being part of my Vicinity World. So, welcome to my demise... it was the blogging that killed me. The Vicinity People will find me and they will put an end to my misery. The epitaph on my gravestone will read:
LOVED BY THE VIRTUAL PEOPLE
MURDERED BY THE VICINITY PEOPLE
I need you. The Virtual People. You may not be real, you may not think that I am real, but I need you. I need you to make me laugh with your funny comments. I need you to comfort me with your encouraging words, I need your hugs, your kisses. Make love to me... Hell! Strip your clothes off! Let me cyber-fuck your brains out!... Oh, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.
I need this. My virtual world. My hiding place. The place where I can pour my heart out to the Virtual People, so you can make me feel good again... make me feel whole. I need this rock to crawl under, to escape from the Vicinity World and the Vicinity People and all the evil that comes knocking on my door. I have the fucking right to speak my mind... this is a free world! We have freedom of speech! I shall not succumb to your threats, evil ones! I shall prevail! God bless America!!!
I have one thing to tell you. One GOD.DAMNED.THING!
To you! The Vicinity People. That's right. This is for you:
FUCK YOU! FUCK OFF! PISS YOURSELVES! I will write whatever I damn well please... this is my blog, this is my Virtual World and these are my Virtual People! So stay away, Vicinity People. Stay away from this world... I love you, you know that. I love you with all of my heart, but this is a dangerous place for you to be... so stay away. Please. This is only for me... As long as we are clear on that...
I pray... I pray that the Vicinity People are not here. That they are not lurking around, reading my blog in secrecy... they would know too much, they would snicker, they would point their accusing fingers at me behind my back and they would talk about me. They would laugh at me... mock me, make fun of me... shun me when I wish to speak to them... alienate me, disown me and loathe my very presence in the room. I HATE YOU ALL!
I need you. The Vicinity People. I need you out there in the Vicinity World, where I can look into your eyes, where I can smell you, hear you talk to me, your voices and where I can feel your presence. I need you where I can shake your hands, hug you, kiss you. Where I can make love to you... Hell! Strip, bitch! I'll just fuck you right here and now!... Oh, I'm sorry. That, too, was uncalled for.
I need you to stay away from my Virtual World. This is my place... this is where I hide and where I say and do the things you wouldn't understand. I'm alright, though. Don't think otherwise... I am alright. As long as you are not here with me, in my Virtual World. And, as long as you are there with me, in my Vicinity World. Then I am perfectly alright... and perfectly sane.
Is that you?
Please, put pennies on my eyes. And... and put me to sleep.
Mommy? Is that really you?