January 31, 2008

Birth Month Meme

So... the inevitable happened, and I was tagged to do a meme.

So many things to post, and then one is forced to post one of these things. Not too happy about it... but for the sweet Jill I decided to honor that tag and hereby present to you the Birth Month Meme.

But, before we go on to the meme... let's have a look at something a little more interesting. As you all well know, I posted a suggestion for a new challenge - Picture Fiction Challenge - a few days ago. I had a poll on the sidebar here, and I wanted to find out if there would be any interest in participating in this wild and crazy idea.

To be honest... I thought I'd be lucky to get one or two fellow bloggers to take me up on this thing... the poll result speaks for itself, and I was mighty pleased!

PFC Poll Result:

PFC. Good or Bad?
Awesome! I'll play! 19 (61%)
Awesome! But, won't play. 11 (35%)
Ok... I guess. 0 (0%)
It stinks! Drop it! 1 (3%)

How often?
Every week 1 (4%)
Every two weeks 4 (19%)
Monthly 16 (76%)

Yup! I think the results show a clear indication that 1) It is worth it to go ahead and do this challenge, and 2) It should be done on a monthly basis.

So, with that decided I will post the first set of pictures for the challenge tomorrow. I can't wait, myself, to see what we'll get to work with (I will not collect the pictures until right before I post the challenge). So if you were interested in participating - make sure to drop by tomorrow and get a good jump on that writing.

Don't forget to scroll on down and read Chapter Two of Rubicon Heart, if you missed it yesterday!

Ok... now. I promised to do this thing for Jill.

Lets take a look at the rules associated with this particular meme:

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
Done - see above.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months.
Will do - see below.
3. Pick your month of birth.
Uhm... November!
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
Will do - see below.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
Will NOT!
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!
Will do... Jill - here I come!

So... here we go. Lets have a look at the traits for November:


Has a lot of ideas.
Amazing! This thing really knows me! I've got ideas coming out of every orifice on my body!

Difficult to fathom.
Well... it's not like I'm a woman. (Sorry ladies - but you are difficult to fathom)

Thinks forward.
It would be weird if I thought backwards, wouldn't it?

Unique and brilliant.
Am I not? Thanks for recognizing ;)

Extraordinary ideas.
Well... since I have so many ideas - some of them will be extraordinary.

Sharp thinking.
Gotta be careful when I think so I don't cut myself.

Fine and strong clairvoyance.
I have yet to see a real ghost, so I'm guessing I missed out on this trait. Damn!

Can become good doctors.
Hey, Jill... wanna play doctor with me?

Dynamic in personality.
Am I? I beg to differ... I'm one of those you hardly notice at all... before I strike!

Hush... don't tell anyone!

Hmmm... makes me wonder if not every single trait in each and every month somehow fits with each and every one of us... just use you imagination! What do you guys think?

Knows how to dig secrets.
I never leave home without my shovel. If there be secrets to dig, I will do the digging!

Always thinking.
I would be worried if my brain decided to shut down on me...

Less talkative but amiable.
I don't talk enough for you to ever find out...

Brave and generous.
Yeah - the Braves rule! But, give me back my hot dog!

Hell no! I want it... and I want it now!

Stubborn and hard-hearted.
Stubborn, yes! Hard hearted.... no!

If there is a will, there is a way.
If the will is good and I'm in it... sure - there's a way to get rid of [insert will-holder here]

Sometimes yes... sometimes no.

Never give up.
Isn't that the same thing as determined? I know... I'm inquisitive.

Hardly becomes angry unless provoked.
Does anyone become angry unless provoked? Do you just up and decide - "Hey! Lets be angry for a change!"

Loves to be alone.
Depends on what I'm doing... having sex for one - much more fun when you're not alone.

Thinks differently from others.
I pity thee who thinks like me!

Didn't we cover Sharp Thinking already? See? I'm sharp minded!

Motivates oneself.
Who else is going to motivate me?

Does not appreciate praises.
Dana! Look at this one! It's not my fault... I was doomed on account of being born in November... I never had a chance to appreciate compliments!

Never done drugs in my life...

Well-built and tough.
I do go to the gym regularly... but I've not been doing it long enough to be well-built yet... well endowed? Well hung? Let's keep that a secret... you already know from this meme that I'm secretive.

Deep love and emotions.
Well... I can't deny that, can I? You've all been reading about my deep love and emotions, so - WOW! This one is spot on!

When the opportunity arises... yes. I can also be a beast in the bedroom if you want...

Uncertain in relationships.
Well... seeing my past relationships and how they all turned out - who can blame me?

Yeah... sort of.

Haha! Sooooo not me. If I can slack off at work - believe me - I will!

High abilities.
Again... don't do drugs - but I do have a lot of abilities - some of which you wouldn't believe!

I have many secrets buried in my mind. Many people have trusted in me - and I am yet to fail anyone of them... I think.

Honest and keeps secrets.
Well... didn't I just answer this one?

Not able to control emotions.
Aaaaaah.... I am going to smash the screen of my computer right now!!!!

Keep tagging me to do meme's and you'll find out just how unpredictable I really am!


Birth Month Traits:

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

January 30, 2008

Rubicon Heart: Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO: “The Pen-Pal Girl”

Shacking up in a small student apartment in a new city at the age of 17 with my best friend meant we had to agree on a set of rules. These rules mainly covered routines for when we met up with some hot chicks.

“First one to bring home a chick gets the bedroom”, Pete exclaims seriously as we have the discussion.

“Yeah… The other one will sleep on the couch out here”.

We had a very small bedroom with two single beds – one on each side of the room, divided by a small open area and a nightstand beside each of the two beds. The other was a small living room, and there was a kitchen nook so small one could barely turn around in there. We also had our own bathroom and a shower stall so close to the toilet seat it would be no problem to take a shower while taking a dump at the same time. Not that one would want to do that.

“But… what if we both come home with a girl at the same time?” I’m starting to see problems with that one simple rule.

“We’ll flip a coin”

“Deal!” And so the rules were agreed. Not once, during our stay in that small apartment did we need to flip a coin for that particular reason. Not once did either one of us have to sleep on that couch… not for any other reason than ones own choice though.

In fact, I snuggled up with a girl on that couch while Pete got the bedroom all for himself once. I had invited her over, and told my room mate to lock himself into the bedroom, because I was going to watch The Exorcist with the girl. The Exorcist was my choice movie with the girls. It would always scare them and they’d come closer and closer, holding my hand and leaning their heads against my chest looking for comfort. A good horror movie was the best way to get that closeness without seeming too forward.

Still, during that first year in acting school I didn’t have a single girl whom to call my “girlfriend”. I was still a virgin too, and I still had all those problems to show affection for an attractive girl. I never thought of myself as good looking enough to warrant the attraction of a beautiful girl. It was probably because I always fell for the really pretty ones – the girls that everyone wanted, and I wasn’t the type of guy that every girl would desire.

Because of my obsession with Priscilla during the High School years, I was not impressed with a chick if they didn’t look absolutely stunning. I had no interest in hooking up with a girl just because she was nice, or sweet. We could be friends… but I didn’t want anything more from them.

Priscilla was whom every girl would be compared to, and while there was no one who I thought was quite as attractive as I found her, there were plenty of girls who came pretty close. I fell for one of the girls in my acting class, and we became very good friends indeed. Problem was – she had a boyfriend whom she’d been together with for four years. Since she was thirteen she’d been dating the same guy, and the two of them were inseparable. There was another girl (another blond) who went to our school who also worked sporadically as a model. I wanted her badly.

Continuously, I found myself obsessing over the girls that I wanted. The girls that I was attracted to, and so I never really noticed or cared about the girls who wanted me. It was I who were supposed to do the choosing – or it might just as well not happen at all.

During many of those parties that we had – and believe me, they were a plenty – I would often hook up with any old chick and we’d make out and all that, but I would never pursue that the following day. There was that one time when I ended up kissing the spoken-for-blond in my class during a particularly wild party, but I couldn’t follow up on that because I knew she was so in love with her man.

Toward the end of the first year at school we were sent out to get some hands-on experience in the theatrical field, and I got an opportunity to work as a trainee at a film studio in an even bigger city – about a five hour drive from where we lived.

That’s when my love life took a drastic turn of events.

For a couple of years I had kept in touch with a few girls through letters. It was back in High School that I once decided to look for pen-pals through the ads in a popular teen magazine. While my mouth has a hard time expressing my feelings, my pen has never had a problem with that. I got a ton of responses from that ad, and the girls I chose to continue to write to went through a pretty simple selection process. Did they include a picture of themselves in the letter? If not, they went in the trash. Were they absolutely stunning on that picture? If not… in the trash they went. I had kept about 7 of them – from various places and cities in the country. I had never met any one of them in person.

Over the two years or so, I was still only writing to two of the original girls, and one of them happened to live in the city I was going to. This girl was really attractive on that one picture I had of her. Her name was Evelyn. We had a lot in common from the letters we wrote to each other. She was a Hard Rockin’ chick, and had long brown hair, full luscious lips and wore a studded jeans jacket on that photo. She was a little tough looking, yet stunningly beautiful.

I sat down and wrote Evelyn a letter. I told her I was going to the city she lived in, and that I needed a place to stay for a week. The trainee period only lasted for a week, as we were due back in school after that.

I thought she wouldn’t want that, and that I would have to look for another place to stay. But, I was wrong. The letter she sent back to me was full of anticipation and excitement.

'It’s going to be awesome. I’ve wanted to meet you for so long. My friends too. I’ve been showing your picture around. We call you the Indian. All of my friends have a crush on you.'

That’s pretty much what the letter said. I was shocked, and now I couldn’t wait to get there. All those girls were attracted to me? Suh-weet!

But, I was also nervous. Oh, they’re going to be so disappointed to see the real me. I’m not nearly as good looking as I was on that – now two year old – picture.

As the time came to meet Evelyn in real life for the first time I was damn near petrified. I got off the train at the station with my suitcase full of clothes that would last me the whole week, and there she was with a big smile on her face, greeting me. She gave me a big hug, and I hugged her back. We began talking as if we’d know each other for years… which I guess, in a sense, we had. She was even more beautiful in real life than she was in that picture.

When we came in to her apartment, her mother enthusiastically greeted me as well, and welcomed me to their home with a nice home cooked meal. There was another woman joining us for dinner, and I figured she was some friend of Evelyn’s mother.

I stayed in Evelyn’s room. She’d laid a mattress out on the floor for me. And, that first night one thing got me curious. Her mother’s friend was still there. A sleep over? Adults don’t do that. I began to enquire about the situation.

“Who’s the other woman?” I ask.

“She lives here”, Evelyn says.


Back in the 80’s the concept of homosexuality was frowned upon, and people sure didn’t speak openly about it. I guess I ignored the thought completely and made myself believe they were just roomies – just like me and Pete back home.

“My mom’s a lesbian”, she said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I was very surprised, but the way Evelyn spoke of it as the most natural thing in the world made it sound perfectly normal. I was still a little curious and intrigued by the whole thing. I was sleeping in an apartment with a couple of lesbians and a hot looking girl who actually seemed to like me. Life was an adventure.

We spent the next few days hanging out downtown a lot – visiting record stores and listening to awesome music. She knew of this place that sold a lot of rare stuff, and I picked up a few records I had been searching high and low for – among them a rare original press of Alice Cooper’s debut album “Pretties in Pink”. The fact that the music on that one sucked didn’t matter much. I was determined to add every single Alice Cooper album to my collection.

I did notice that she would stop every now and then and say something which I was supposed to take as flirtatious, but I was afraid that going there would complicate things – and dammit, I had a few more days that I needed the place to stay. Being thrown out would not be a good thing. So we stayed platonic. Just friends.

When only two days remained before I was going home, we were awake late as usual. We were talking, and I had started to realize that I was wasting a perfect opportunity to land me a pretty girlfriend here. My mind was on overload, and I was contemplating every possible scenario as to what would happen if I told her I had fallen for her – that I wanted her so much I would be the happiest guy on earth if she shared those feelings with me.

I knew I had to say something. Right now! Not much time left for us to be together before I would head back home. She noticed me being quiet as we spoke, and she noticed my longing glances at her. She also noticed that I would quickly look away from her when our eyes met. When our eyes met, the electricity in the air seemed overwhelming, and I had a hard time coping with that.

“What are you thinking?” she asks, and judging from the smile on her face I instantly knew that she already knew the answer to that question.

My face felt hot from the anticipation and the embarrassment that I couldn’t put it to words. My blood pressure went up and my heart pounded heavily in my chest. Even I knew that tonight was the night – she did want to be my girlfriend. The first girl I would ever actually call that – not just some random make-out honey on a drunken night. She wanted to be mine, and she wanted to tell all of her friends that I was her boyfriend.

But, I still had no idea how to express any of this in words. Not by means of my mouth anyway. I was trembling, that’s how nervous I was.

I grabbed my notebook I always carried with me to write down ideas for novels in.

“I can’t say it out loud”, I told her with a barely audible voice.

I wrote in the book. ‘I think you are beautiful. I keep thinking I should kiss you, but I’m just no good at saying these things. What I really want to ask you is if you want to be my girlfriend. I think that would be sweet.'

Then, I handed her the notebook, and buried my head between my knees. I couldn’t stand the thought of looking at her reaction when she read that. What if she looked horrified and uncomfortable about it? What if she started laughing, telling me that ‘Oh, boy are you out of your mind? Why would I want to be with you? I’m way too hot to waste my time with an ugly ass guy like you. Why don’t you go play in your own league, buddy. This sweetie pie is too good for you.’

It took a little while, and then I felt her hand on my leg. I looked up at her – absolutely terrified. She was smiling, and looked me straight in the eyes.

“Why couldn’t you say that?”

“I… uhm… I didn’t… don’t think… you… uhm… me. Ah… never mind. Forget it.”

She reached out and touched my face with her hands. Her smile never faltered, and her eyes kept searching for my fleeting gaze.

“Yes”, she said.

Again, our eyes met.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes. I want to be your girlfriend. I can’t believe it took you this long to ask.”

“You’re just so beautiful.”

Then she leaned forward and kissed me. I was in heaven. I had a girlfriend! A real girlfriend!

The last two days I stayed at her place we were inseparable. One might just as well sew our lips together, because they barely ever parted. We didn’t have sex. Neither one of us was comfortable because her mother’s room was right next to hers and her mom and her female lover would have heard exactly what we were doing. We talked about it though. She was no virgin. She had a lot of experience in the field at only 16 – she was a year younger than I. During one of those conversations, I had to ask the pressing question. That question that needed to be asked, only because her mother was a lesbian.

“Have you ever had sex with another girl?”

“Yeah... me and Leah have been fooling around a little.”

Leah was another blond hottie whom we had hung out with quite often during my stay there. She was also a real hard rocking girl – and Evelyn’s best friend.

“She is really hot for you too, you know. Maybe I could ask her for a threesome some time. She would do it. Would you like that?”

Are you fucking kidding me, would I like that? Hell yeah, I would like that!

Instead, I answer “That would be fun. But, I want it to be just the two of us that first time”

“Me too”, and she laid down her head on my chest. We fell asleep like that, and the next day I had to go back home.

Going back to school was a joy in itself. I quickly announced the news that I had a girlfriend to everyone I met, and proudly showed her picture around – so that they could see it wasn’t just any old girl. It was a truly beautiful girl at that. I was proud!

We spoke on the phone every day, and quickly agreed that she come visit me. She couldn’t come that first weekend, but the weekend after that she was coming over. It was going to be so sweet to get together again.

As that weekend arrived, I spread some mattresses on the living room floor and told my room mate Pete that he could have the bedroom to himself. The beds in there were too small, and space wouldn’t allow the two beds to be put together, as they would block the door if one tried. I wanted to sleep next to her, and not in separate beds. We were going to have sex, dammit. I was going to lose my virginity this weekend.

Before I went to the train station to pick her up, me and Pete were talking. He was going to visit a girl he’d been seeing, and so me and Evelyn would have the place to ourselves at first – it was no secret to my best buddy what I was aiming to do. He had already lost his virginity – we kept each other informed in that department.

When we came home after I had picked her up, my friend Pete was gone. Good. We had the place to ourselves. We started unpacking some of her clothes, talked a little and that nervous sensation started building up in me again. I so needed to get her on those mattresses right now. I sat down on them and told her to come over. We began kissing, and soon I was on top of her. I slid my hand under her blouse and fondled her tits. My already erect penis was pressing against my pants – begging to be released. She pressed her body against me – she could feel the bulge down there. We took it slow, she was teasing me – gently stroking that bulge with her hand before she pressed her face hard against mine and thrust her tongue deeper inside my mouth. She grabbed my ass and pulled me ever closer to her.

I unbuttoned her blouse and started sucking her nipples. I was so horny I could almost explode – the towering monster in my pants ready to erupt. She started whispering in my ear, asking if I was ready for her. Asking me if I wanted to come inside of her. If I wanted my manhood inside of a girl for the first time in my life.

I wanted it. I wanted it so bad it hurt.

Then the familiar sound of footsteps on the staircase leading up to our apartment was heard. It was loud and clear.

Evelyn suddenly throws me off of her. There is panic in her eyes, and she buttons her blouse with urgency. Her eyes wide open.

“That’s him, isn’t it?”

I have no idea what she’s talking about. Not at first. My only thought is that the bulge in my pants had just been cheated.


“Your room mate!”

And then there’s a bang on the door, quickly followed by the sound of keys sliding into the keyhole. The only thing sliding into any hole should’ve been my cock in her pussy! What the hell was he doing home already? He had fucking promised to stay away until the evening!

After introducing the two of them quickly “Pete… Evelyn. Evelyn… Pete”, I took Pete aside.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Sorry. I just had to get home. Girlfriend broke up with me.”

“You know I’m sorry to hear that, but damn Pete! We were getting busy here!”

“I’ll lock myself into the bedroom. I won’t bother you”

“What the fuck. You don’t understand. It’s not happening when you’re here! You weren’t supposed to come home until later tonight!”

We continued to argue about the fact for a while. Pete was obviously heart-broken over the break up, and I was horny as hell – there were no rules set up for a situation like this, and we couldn’t find a solution that would work for the both of us. I was going to have to wait until the next day to lose my virginity – and that was a certainty. The day after we were going to host a big party, and friends from back home (old High School friends) were going to come visit us on that Saturday. We were throwing the party of the century.

So, tomorrow was going to be the best day of my life. Some serious partying, and losing my virginity, all in one night. The three of us ended up watching a couple of horror movies together, and talked about how much fun we were going to have at the party tomorrow.

At night, as we lay in our make-shift bed making out, it almost happened anyway. But, I put a stop to it, because I was too nervous. I thought, with some whiskey in my system, however, I wouldn’t care one bit if my friend Pete was in the room next to us… hell – I wouldn’t care if he were standing right there beside us watching and cheering us on - “Penetrate that girl! Whooohooo! He scooores!

That was the last night I fell asleep holding Evelyn close to me, and feeling comfortable about it. That was the last night that I truly believed she was in love with me.

The next night, and that party, changed everything.

January 29, 2008

WWC / Biggest Heart

Busy busy week, and the Weekly Words Challenge is upon us once again. As you all well should know by know it is Blogville's own birthday girl Tink of Pickled Beef who is hosting the WWC on a weekly basis. Get on over there and honk your horn in honor of her big day!

For this week she chose the words PRIDE and CIRCLE, and I must admit I had to shoot some pics in desparation to make it this week. Sorry about that - but I will not give up!

Before we begin showing off our pictures... let me announce that I have been given another award. I got me a nice "Biggest Heart" award from the very interesting Odd Facts... if ever you are in need of some (well...) Odd Facts - that is the place to check out. Very peculiar little factoids are presented over at her place.

The toughest part about recieving an award is passing it on. But, after some serious thought (and many tears for those I had to leave behind) I have decided to pass this on to three wonderful bloggers.

Tequila Mockingbird, for being such a loyal commenter in December - and because behind that rough exterior... I'm sure she does have a big heart!

Dana and TT, for being so supportive and knowing how to cheer a guy up when he's feeling down.

Many more of you deserve this award... may you know that you're in my thoughts!

So! Let's get down to the nitty gritty... that being the WWC!

PRIDE of a flag


Many CIRCLE shaped buttons and symbols


My stereo has many CIRCLE shapes


A CIRCLE can of Swedish tobacco


A CIRCLE shaped lamp


Blue CIRCLEs glowing


There you have it. My WWC contribution on the fourth week of the new year. Many many more to come, and already next week we will be playing with the words NARROW and BROAD. So get out there and snap away!

For those that missed my post yesterday... do check out the brand new challenge (Picture Fiction Challenge) I am going to host. That post is just an example, and I was mighty surprised and very very pleased to see that so many were willing to participate in this challenge. Keep those opinions coming!

Until next time - Ta-taa!

January 28, 2008

Picture Fiction Challenge

Let me introduce a brand new idea to you all.

I've been thinking about doing this for a while, and today I will explain this new "challenge" to you, and get a feel for whether or not there is an interest to participate in my "Picture Fiction Challenge".

There is a poll on the right hand side of the screen, in which you can offer your opinions on this whole idea.

There are many forms of writing exercises a guy can do, and for anyone who has a desire to write fiction - writing exercises are a wonderful and fun way of rubbing those creative brain cells. Many writing exercises will simply offer a logline, such as "A former love interest interrupts a wedding ceremony". I enjoy those, and it immediately spurs a lot of creative thoughts on what could happen in the story.

But, I also have a weird fascination with randomness. And, while I initially thought of proramming an application which could generate strange and random loglines for us to work with, that project is somewhat time consuming. I may introduce that in the future.

Instead, I came up with this idea after the popular "Album Cover" meme. I found the Flickr website, and the random function for displaying pictures. That's when it hit me. Another popular writing exercise is to simply write a story based on a photo. I thought - what if we combine a number of pictures and make a fictional story based on those?

I decided to choose random pictures to represent Character, Objective, Setting, Item and Random. All of these things would have to be incorporated into the story you write.

Below you can see what the challenge would look like. If you click on each picture, you will be taken to the Flickr page it was found on. That is to honor the people who took the pictures I so blatantly borrow for this exercise.

Note: This is only an example. I will present the real challenge in a few days... hoping at least one or two of you want to give this a shot. I will guide you through the thought process below each picture, for those of you who are not familiar with the concepts of a writing exercise or of story structure. Or if you simply need a little help to get started.


I'm looking at this picture, and I see a couple of teenagers. These would be the main characters of the story to write. The boy is looking at the girl, and I get a feeling that he's longing for her - or maybe he's curious about her. The girl, on the other hand, we cannot fully see. She is mysterious, dressed in black and those bright red shoes. There is a sub-plot in that right there.

The way I see it. The boy will be my main character. The girl will be the quiet mysterious girl who has captured his interest. He is curiously drawn to her, but there is something very strange about her.

This picture would represent the direction of the story. This is where the journey is supposed to come to a conclusion. And, what do I see here? I see a rainbow. That means I will send the boy and the girl on a journey to reach that rainbow - that is their objective in the story. A field trip with the class-mates? Is the girl new in town? For what reason are they trying to find the rainbow?

This picture will tell you the setting - the place the story takes place in. We see a beautiful landscape, with a forest and mountains. Aaah - this works well with the rainbow objective. The boy and the girl are on a field trip through the woods and the mountains, and they are trying to reach the (magical?) rainbow.

See how the story has already formed here? The basics are done, all we need to do is write. But, I don't want to settle there. This is too easy. Lets throw in a couple more parameters that need to be taken into consideration.

While looking at this picture there is one item that stands out. It is a clock - a wall clock. Now - why would anyone bring a wall-clock on a field trip to the mountains?

Well, we could either do a little bit of cheating here, which is my initial idea. The clock would represent time - giving us a time-limit on the story. They need to reach the point from which they can see the magical rainbow before it is too late. That gives us some urgency to the story.

But, to honor the item involved, we should probably make someone actually carry a wall clock. We have a strange and mysterious girl... what if she carries the thing in her black bag? She could stop and pull the thing out every now and then to check on the time... maybe this is a magical clock? Maybe it has some significanct connection to the magical rainbow?

The final picture to take into account would be a completely random chosen picture. It could be an image of anything at all. What I got for the example here was this picture of a girl with a camera. Again - this made things pretty easy. The characters in my story are trying to reach that rainbow and they are going to take pictures of it.


That's pretty much how I propose this challenge to work.

The pictures I would choose will be completely random. I go about it like this - I click the random pics on Flickr, and the first pic I come across which could possibly represent the different categories is used - no selection going on. I have a fascination with all things random, so believe me, I will not be cheating on my selection of pics for this challenge. Sometimes it may be easy - other times it may be really hard to piece them together.

You would, of course, be free to interpret the pictures on your own (without my suggestions). The way I did it here was just to show you the thought process one could use.

The story, itself, can be as long or short as you want to write it. The only thing is that you need to incorporate each element into the story.

For each challenge, I would list all participants right here on this blog - so one could go around and read all stories that came from the same set of pictures, and we could all marvel in how different they would all turn out. And, believe me - we will interpret the pictures very differently indeed.

While this would be a rather time consuming challenge for us all, I do not feel it should be done on a weekly basis. I'm thinking bi-weekly or even monthly. You can tell me what you think in the poll to the right.

Hold it!

I'm looking at this, and I'm thinking many would be intimidated by the whole thing. Thinking this is going to be the longest story ever!

Well... while we already have enough material to write a full length novel based on those pictures... let me just give you an example on how this story could be very short indeed.



I will never forget her.

It was during my teenage years that she came into my life, and disappeared from it in just a matter of days. Yet I will never forget about her.

I cannot remember her face. I'm not even sure I ever saw what she really looked like, but what I do remember was a powerful attraction that drew me to her.

We went on a field trip with my class. It was a beautfiful day and it was said that a magical rainbow would appear if we stood at the top of the mountain at the right time of day. I could almost feel her excitement when we set off on that trip. She somehow seemed destined for this trip, and I recall following close in her footsteps as we walked through the damp growth of the vast forest, headed for that mountain.

She would stop every now and then, and look at a strange wall clock she produced from her black bag, which she carried everywhere she went. I had the feeling she knew something about this place that the rest of us didn't know.

I had my camera with me, and I took pictures of her when no one would notice. I don't know why I was so fascinated with this girl, but she was all that was on my mind. And, what happened as we reached to top of the mountain was something I will never forget.

The rainbow was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. She stood in front of me, and I took pictures of her and the rainbow together - both of them so beautiful, mysterious and magical. Then she reached out with her hands. She touched the rainbow. I swear, she touched the rainbow as if it were a solid object. I snapped pictures in fascination.

Then she started to fade away. I couldn't believe my eyes, but she seemed to become one with the rainbow. Her hands at first, then her arm was drawn into the rainbow. The dark black clothes she wore became vibrant with colors - and then she was no longer there.

I ran up to where she stood. I reached out. Tried to touch the rainbow. I wanted to follow her to wherever she went. But, my hands could only grasp for thin air.

"Did you all see that?", I said to the others.

"See what?"

"The girl! She became one with the rainbow!"

"What girl?"

"The new girl. The one in black. She disappeared into the rainbow."

"You're trippin', dude"

I stood there in disbelief. Why didn't they know the girl? Why hadn't they seen what I had seen?

I had my pictures. I would show them.

But, when I had my pictures developed there was no sign of the girl. Was she really ever there at all?

January 27, 2008

Funday Sunday: "Garfield"

I wanted to do something else this Funday Sunday, as I've found that I always post some video clip. This week I present to you my favorite comic strip of all time - Garfield.

You've all heard and seen this funny little cat before, but I can't get enough of Garfield. There's just something about him that reminds me so much of myself (in that he's so lazy and that he loves food).

I also found, looking at the official Garfield website that one could create their own Garfield comic strips. I had to try it out, and although one could do so much better if spending some time on that little application, I quickly whipped this little comic strip together.

I hereby present to you, an original R.E.H. "Garfield Comic".

In other news... I have a new idea that I wanted to share with you all. I believe I will present this one tomorrow - it's a new challenge that I hope one or two of my readers are willing to participate in.

I will also (hopefully) bring you the next chapter of Rubicon Heart on Wednesday, if all goes to plan.

Have a great (funday) Sunday!

January 26, 2008

Kid R.E.H.

How could the kids back in school pick on me? Bully me? Look at that kid on that picture there - that's me. I was a cute kid, dammit? Wasn't I? Wonder what happened to all that potential beauty over the years...

Well, I will probably regret this post. Sorry guys - nice meeting you all, but after this I will likely go in hiding for the next ten or so years.

I'm KIDDING! ... I think.

It was RockDog and Jay who inspired me to do this. They have both posted pictures from the good old 80's, and I wanted to do the same. I wanted to show you how much of a Heavy Metal dude I was - so I dug into the old photo albums (mostly just bundles of old photographs held together by rubber bands... I need to take the time to organize all those pictures at some time) and found that I hardly had a single picture of me from those wonderful days. We never took pictures at parties or anywhere else for that matter.

There is this one of me butt naked in the shower, but I will not post that one for all of you to see. Settle for this description - it was the day after a big drunken party. I crawled into the shower to freshen up, and forgot to lock the door. All of a sudden, the shower curtain is whipped aside, as I'm standing there lathering shampoo into my hair, and my buddies took a full body picture of me... I do look shocked in that picture, let me tell you.

And, that is one picture you will never see ;)

Anyway. Looking through all those pictures I found myself on a journey down memory lane, and I loved the sights that were to be seen. So - I get this stupid idea that I will offer you all a little bit of me as a kid... first - then I might show you the progress of me growing up.

Hey! Preposterous Ponderings! This is your first chance to see me - fully un-obscured... although it was almost 30 years ago (there's another thought that scares the hell out of me).

That first one up there is from the school yearbook, when I was about 7 or 8 or 9... don't remember which year - and I don't feel like digging up those old books to see which year it was either.

Below, is a selection of pics for your enjoyment. I will comment on each below the pic.

This is me on the balcony of my childhood home. I'm drinking lemonade from a straw, and it appears to be a nice summer's day. I remember that table which was hung over the side of the balcony. My mother always had a lot of flowers out there.


Here I am, proudly showing off my collection of Smurfs. This must be an early picture of my collecting them, because I know for a fact that I had about three times as many as you can see in this shot. It always reminds me of the time me and my cousin fought with plastic bags filled with Smurfs... swinging them at eachother. I was clocked in the head pretty good once, I recall.


Alli asked me if I had any weird nicknames when I took questions, and I told you all about the Farmer Boy name I got at school. It was on account of a cap I wore, which I thought was cool... well, guess what? I found a pic of me wearing that particular cap. The suffering that thing caused me ;)


And, here I am opening my presents on my 11th birthday. I got that cool black transistor radio with a cassette deck that I so badly wanted. Boy was I going to play some Kiss on that thing. Back in those days Kiss ruled the world. I wish I'd had a picture of me wearing my moms high heel boots and various jewelry performing Kiss songs to my mom and her man. That would've been a hoot!


Well... there you have it. R.E.H. as a kid.

As a side-note. Thank you all for the support and advice on my previous post. Yes, I do feel a little down and blue right now. But, I've decided to be supportive of her decision, and try my best to be the best friend that I can be.

We went to the gym today, again. And, I feel I did a good job. We talked about her trip - she told me of her fear of flying, and I offered to go with her to hold her hand, in what turned out to be a successful little joke. I will miss her a lot. But, if I am to live in the moment - I will let this moment wash over me and I will enjoy seeing how happy she is. Because, when she's happy - that smile of hers is ever present. And, that smile of hers will always make me feel good.

Now, if you'll excuse me - I've got some packing to do. Judge for yourselves if this is to follow her in her adventure, or if I'm just seeking out that perfect hiding place ;)

January 24, 2008

Desperate Ramblings

My cellphone started ringing while at work today. I looked at the display and saw it was The One who was calling, so I answer.

"Hi. What are you doing?", she says.

There was something in her voice. Something I haven't heard in a long time. She sounded happy and excited. I haven't told you before about how I've sort of had the idea she wasn't so happy these days. Now, that wonderful tone was back in her voice, and I noticed it instantly.

"I'm at work", I tell her.

She tells me she's going to the gym, and wonders if I'll show up after work. I told her I'll be there, as I'd already decided to go there with my cousin Andy.

When I get there, I can see that she really seems vibrant today. She looks genuinely happy. I'm pleased to see her like that - at the same time I'm devastated... because I'm pretty sure, already, of what's going on.

She walks up to me in gym with that smile of hers. That smile that knocks me out every time... the one smile that always reaches into the deepest part of my soul and sends shivers of pleasure through it.

"I'm quitting my job", she says.

My heart sinks.

"So you've decided to leave?"

"Yeah! I'm leaving in two-three weeks"

She's leaving the country. She's going to Asia for the next 3-4 months... and I can't help but worry that I will never see her again after that.

But, she seemed so happy. That something which she had lost was back inside of her - it showed in her eyes. I should be happy for her, right? It is something that she really wants to do, and she's even throwing a potential career down the toilet to do this thing. I am being a selfish bastard, am I not?

I should've told her. Sounds great! You're gonna have a great time over there!... Instead. I chose to mutter, desperately and trying to make it sound funny.

"You can't just leave me here. All alone."

That was not a joke. I meant every word. And, she knows I did.

So... now I've got two or three weeks to convince her not to go, right? Of course, I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do that would make her stay... unless I kidnap her and lock her up in some wooden shed deep in the forest. I doubt that is they way to her heart, though.

Now... I'm thinking that my best option here is to make her feel good and happy about leaving too. I should be supportive and involve myself in conversations with her of how much fun she's going to have. She would appreciate talking about these things, right? And, by doing so - I do not put myself in a position where I would make her uncomfortable. If I try to convince her to stay, because I'm so desperately in love with her - that is one sure fire way of pushing her further away from me.

But, then again. It will be extremely difficult for me to maintain a happy looking face when talking about not seeing her for at least 3 or 4 months (which really isn't that long). But, that feeling that we will never see each other after she comes back is overwhelming.

Another thing, though. Maybe it will be a good thing for her to do. Maybe this is what she needs in her life right now, and maybe when she returns... I am a better fit for her plans and desires. But, I'm grasping at straws here... or I'm trying to find that one needle in the worlds largest haystack.

Then, I'm thinking. Maybe it's a good thing - for me! Maybe this is what I need. Not seeing her for a while, so I can turn my attention on other women for a change. As long as she's around, there just isn't anyone who will capture my attention... certainly not when she's with me. Perhaps this is what I need to allow myself to try my luck with other women... wasn't that one of my New Year's Resolutions, anyway? Yes it was!

Perhaps we both need some time apart. And if, when she comes back, we want to pick up where we left off - then maybe things will be better between us... regardless of how we will spend that time together.

But... right now. I'm just confused and desperate. I don't want to lose her. She really makes me feel so good, deep inside my heart, whenever she wants to. But, as you all know, she also has a way of making me feel miserable and sad and lonely.

Give it to me, people. Tell me I'm an idiot. Tell me to forget about her - move on! Or, tell me how I can make her stay here with me and love me until the end of our days...

Because, honestly! I don't have a clue... about anything, right now. The only thing I'm certain of...

The next two or three weeks are critical to the future of our friendship.

January 23, 2008

Album Cover Meme

Sorry. Don't have much time today, so I'm just going to show you my album cover.

This is a popular meme out there right now, and when looking at other people's album covers I thought it would be fun to do one of my own. I set out and got my random "elements" from which to make a really cool album cover... and I got the most boring set of words and image this world has ever seen. Maybe I'll do another one in the future, which will hopefully turn out a lot more interesting than this one ;)

This is how it's done:

Go to Wikipedia - The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

Click Random Quotes The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

Visit Flickr- The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result.

Have a good day!

January 22, 2008

WWC / Going To Work

Weekly Words Challenge time again! And this week the words we interpreted were ENVY and TRIANGLE. Credit goes to the manure truck avoiding Tink of Pickled Beef (in bed) for providing the words to us.

Quick! Go check her out if you haven't before. She's the sweetest li'l gal in Blogville!

There, there... back at my place, are you? Good.

I wanted to share with you something I did today. Something which really got me upset, while the others were laughing at me. Don't we all like to bask in other peoples misery? Here's your chance to bask in mine.

I was unbelievably tired this morning when the alarm went off. My insomnia has kicked in big-time again, and I lay in bed for over half an hour before I could drag my sorry ass out of it. I came very close to calling in sick for work, because I couldn't figure out how I was going to survive the day - that's how tired I was.

Well, a guy needs his hard earned cash, right? So, I grab my lunch out of the refrigerator, which I had prepared the day before, and I go out in the freezing cold to scrape the windows of the car. Then, finally I'm on my way.

At work, I walk into the break room. This is where we always have our morning meetings.

"Mornin'", I mumble through almost motionless lips.

I'm glad to see the coffee pot ready, so I grab my cup and fill it up. Then I proceed into the office and have a look at the ToDo list we have. This list shows who's doing what, and when. I read it... and the one thing I'm pleased about is that I don't have any register duty today. My boss and another co-worker is looking curiously at me the whole time.

I look at warehouse duty, which is where I expect to see my name. No... not there either. Ok. So I probably have one of those scatter days where I am supposed to be everywhere and there as well. But, I don't see my name.

"Is this today's ToDo list?", I ask my co-worker. My boss had exited the office at this time.

"Yes", she says.

"Why am I not on it?", I ask.

"Because you don't work today", she says looking grimly evil, and pleased on top of it.

"Yes, I do. It's Tuesday. I work 9:30AM til 7:30PM". I always work those hours on Tuesdays.

"Not according to the schedule". She still smiles that pleased grin at me.

I grab the schedule, and have a look. Wouldn't you believe! The bastards have gone and changed the freakin' schedule and not said a word about it to poor old me. They were right - I did not work today... thank you very much.

Well... I stuck around for the morning meeting, finishing my coffee, enduring several funny one-liners directed at my being there and further becoming irritated about the fact they changed my schedule without my knowing.

So... enough of that - on to the WWC:

ENVY only released that one album - Ain't that a sin?


I ENVY those who never find their car like this.
(That is ice... not snow - it won't come off!)


Little flags in the shape of a TRIANGLE


This road sign has the shape of a TRIANGLE


Several TRIANGLE shapes and a circle makes a sun


Now that covers the WWC for me this week. Hope you enjoyed (boy I found this one tough, but I think I got a few reasonable shots this week). Next week we are doing the words PRIDE and CIRCLE.

I will also recommend that you read up on the first chapter of the Rubicon Heart story below, if you haven't had the chance to do so yet. Leave me comments on that one - good or bad... I appreciate your opinions on that one!

Take care!

January 21, 2008

Rubicon Heart: Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE: “Discovering Love”

That giant square block of architecture, that was the High School building, had never looked the same as it did that one morning. We had all seen it, of course. Many times during our young lives. We had seen the crowds of boys and girls walking back and forth on the yard, and standing there, laughing, goofing around, being loud and obnoxious as they stood at the bus stop waiting to go home… or wherever it was they were headed after a day of school finally came to an end.

That morning the structure was intimidating and exciting at the same time. Inviting us to come inside and begin a new life - A life of adulthood.

It was the five of us. Me, my cousin Andy, Bobby, Rob and Ronald. We stood at the top of the small paved walking path that went up the steep rise between a single house on the right and a grove of trees on the left. A medium trafficked street drew a line between us and the four story, yellow and white building that was to be our school for the next few years. Once we crossed that street and walked through the double sided glass doors we would enter a new era of our lives.

“You guys ready?”, I ask.

It was always the five of us. It had always been the five of us, meeting up at a mailbox which was strangely located at a three-way intersection. We all lived close by, and always met up at that mailbox to walk to school together. For years we’d been walking together to our old school, but this was the first time we continued past the old school and continued down the road, up that narrow path and to the High School which would offer so many adventures for the next three years of our lives.

“It’s going to be awesome!”, Bobby says.

“It’s a little scary”, my cousin Andy proclaims.

“I hope we can make it through the day without being ‘initiated’”, I add to that.

Being ‘initiated’ was something we’d heard about. When the younglings, us new-comers each year, first came to the High School there was traditionally a two week span in which the older kids did awful things to us 7th graders.

Not only could we expect to be pressed up against the wall and threatened to be beaten up, but we could end up head first down the toilet bowl as they flushed it. There was a chance someone would sneak into the locker room during gym class and throw our clothes in the shower, or even take them outside and spread them around on the school yard. We could be victims of classic noogies and wedgies… and basically – we knew we would have to stick together to survive the first couple of weeks.

This was the intimidating part of standing there outside this massive building. The exciting part was meeting new people.

The High School housed more than 3 times as many classes, and we would meet new friends and find new fun things to do. And, many of those new people would be girls. At thirteen, we were beginning to look at girls in a whole new light. No longer did we curl our lips in disgust at the thought of kissing a member of the female species and complain about “girlie germs”. We were now curious of how it felt to hug them – to brush up against that small bulge behind their shirts. That part of the girls which they had recently started to develop, and which was known to us as titties (giggle). We were curious about giving them a peck on the softness of their cheek… or if really brave – a peck on the lips!

Yeah, I had kissed a couple of girls on the lips in my days before – but that was more of a childish kiss, and would always be followed by a quick swiping of the mouth and that lip-curling of disgust. What had changed now was that one wanted to kiss a girl, and even go as far as licking the taste of their lips off one’s own lips afterward. Actually enjoying it.

Together the five of us crossed the street. Grouped tightly together to ward of any possible threat as we entered the school halls and felt a rush of emotions going through our whole bodies.

Enter adulthood! Adolescence in fact, but we didn’t think of it that way. Once you belonged to this school – you were officially an adult the way we saw it.

And enter a new phase of life I did as I set foot inside of that school. I had never been one of the popular kids, and I was secretly hoping that all that would change at the new school. I would no longer be the one everyone would pick on and make fun of, and that was one of the reasons I wasn’t too scared of the ‘initiation’ threat. We would all be equally picked on by the older kids in school. We would all be victims of those stunts, and now those who had been picking on me would find out how it feels being on the receiving end of all that.

I actually managed to make it through the first two weeks without any major embarrassments. A couple of times I would be pushed up against the wall while some kids threatened to kick my ass – once I had to give up a soda I’d bought down at the cafeteria to save my precious little ass from being whopped. Apart from that I faired pretty well. I witnessed some of my friends getting the head-flushing treatment. One had to wear soaked wet clothes the rest of the day after gym class when he found his clothes bundled up in the showers.

I had also laid eyes on the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. She was blond, with blue eyes and a smile that spread happiness a mile away. She would walk the halls of the school with a group of her friends, and they were always laughing and joking and they were all very pretty. The blond one was the prettiest of them all. A year or two later, when Madonna released the “Like A Virgin” hit, she would adopt the Madonna look and pull it off, looking even hotter than Madonna ever did.

I didn’t know her name. Not for a while. I most certainly never spoke to her during the first year at the new school. She was way out of my league… and whenever I suggested to any of my friends that I should talk to her, they would laugh it off.

“Yeah right, Dude. She would laugh right in your face. She and her cute little friends. You know you don’t belong with those chicks, man. They play a whole different kind of ball.”

Yeah, they did. They were the girls who hung out with the older boys in school. The athletic ones… the boys who were always surrounded by a horde of pretty girls. Pretty girls who were smiling and laughing with them, while they seemed laid back and comfortable, and didn’t really care about any one of them. They only cared about them as a group of pretty girls they could brag about to their friends.

I was one of those boys who felt far from laid back and comfortable when I spoke to a pretty girl. I was one of those who got tongue tied and nervous. Smooth talk was not my game… I played in a whole different league, and in a completely different kind of ball-park.

I found out her name when the school year book arrived. I quickly located her class page and saw her picture there. My God was she pretty, and that smile of hers almost came out of the inch-wide black and white photo, to warm my heart and make it sing.

Priscilla. Even her name was the most beautiful thing I’d heard.

It wasn’t until the second year of attending High School that I first spoke to her. I had found that I was still the kid who was being picked on and ridiculed. During that second year of High School, something inside of me changed.

I didn’t want to be that kid any more. And, while I couldn’t be like one of those guys the women would flock around, I could at least be one who stood up for himself, and didn’t let any one bring him down. The type of kid who believed in what he was doing and what he represented.

One of the reasons I found the strength to be that kid was on account of me and my friend Pete. We were introduced to a local movie making club. The fantastic invention of VHS had made it easy to make home movies, and although the movie making club had been around for years shooting short films on 8mm and 16mm – the invention of VHS made things so much easier and cheaper.

We made a movie together. My friend wrote it, and the chairman of the club helped him shoot the thing. Pete invited me to star in the movie, and we played out some of our crazy kid stunts while shooting.

Me and Pete had been friends since I first arrived here from the States. His mother ran a day-care program from her own apartment, and I was one of the kids who went there after school until my mother could come pick me up and take me home. Me and Pete were always great friends.

He and I would do the craziest things, and one of our favorites was to buy acetone and light things of fire. Most preferably – ourselves. We would soak up the sleeve of our shirts or the legs of our pants with water and then pour acetone all over it. Then we put a match to it, and ran around screaming in imagined pain and fear.

I was starting to allow myself to be crazy. I had always enjoyed being a little bit nuts, but it was in the 8th grade that I really allowed myself to be crazy when people could see me. In that first film, I burned off every single little hair on my arms, as we wanted a scene where I suddenly burst into flames. I poured acetone directly on my arms and lit it. The screams in that scene were one hundred percent real. No need to bring out my acting skills.

Thank God our preferred liquid for setting things on fire were acetone. Acetone burns out quickly. Had we used lighter fluid or gasoline, I would’ve certainly been hospitalized after that particular stunt. My skin probably burnt right off of my arms.

My desire for acting became one of my tools for entertaining people at school. Making them laugh with me, instead of at me. I chose to become the class clown – and frankly, it did me a world of good.

The first time I ever spoke to Priscilla was when I pulled one of my ridiculous and comical acting stunts to entertain my class mates. I had bought a bag of potato chips at the cafeteria, and we were sitting at one of the tables in the hall. A couple of tables down, Priscilla and her followers of pretty girls sat laughing and joking as usual. There were many boys who would stop for a quick chat, some of whom they would speak back to and giggle that pretty girly laugh. Others would be sent on their way, because they were not good enough to be seen talking to them. That was the only time the girls would stop laughing. That was their way of showing them their company was not appreciated. Be on your way, we only speak to the pretty boys!

On any given day… I would have been one of those boys who were sent on his way. That’s why I had never walked up to talk to her. I didn’t have the balls.

This day I felt cocky, crazy and mischievous.

“Check this out”, I said to the group of people I was sitting with. I stood up and tucked the bag of potato chips under my jeans jacket, which was covered with sewn on patches of nearly every heavy metal band that existed. I put myself into acting mode, and confidently walked toward the group of girls. I stopped directly in front of Priscilla, and put on the face of a pervert about to flash himself to her. I looked to the left. I looked to the right, as if to make sure no one was around.

“Pssst”, I hissed at her.

The girls fell silent. They were about ready to give me the cold treatment. I was in acting mode, and couldn’t care less. I was sent here to entertain – and entertain I would.

“Hey, listen”, I whisper just audible enough for the girls to hear. I continue to look around me as if worried I was going to be caught by the police. “I got something for ya”.

They didn’t say anything. Priscilla didn’t say anything. She was looking directly at me though, and that was the first time she’d ever done that. I was pleased to just being looked at. I’m pretty sure she was lost for words – meaning I was in charge of the situation.

“Ya want it?”

She still doesn’t speak. A couple of the other girls started to mumble and shift uncomfortably in their seats. They were a little embarrassed by the situation. What if some cool guy would see them talking to me… that would not do.

“I… I d-“, she starts speaking, but doesn’t really appear to know what to say. I quickly interrupt, and I flash my jeans jacket open, thrusting the bag of chips right at her.

“Quick! Grab one!”, I say with imaginary panic in my voice.

She suddenly starts laughing, probably surprised at the whole thing. And, then she stuck her hand down the bag and pulled out a handful of potato chips. Mission accomplished! The prettiest girl in school just accepted my offer of potato chips – I was king of the moment.

Then, as quickly as that, I hid the bag of chips under my jeans jacket again, and quickly walked away. The friends at my table were laughing, and looking at me with unbelieving eyes. Some were shaking their heads, letting me know just how crazy I was.

“Told’ya! The girl likes me!”, I said as I sat down.

A couple of days later, as I crossed paths with Priscilla in the hallways and none of her girlfriends were along. She smiled at me.

“Got any more candy for me?”, she said. I was stunned, my tongue went numb. Acting mode was no where to be found.

“Uh… no”, and I continued to walk toward the classroom.

The 8th grade, and being fourteen was also when alcohol was introduced to our lives. Parties were a plenty, and I was one of those who would often host one at my mother’s apartment. Whenever she was out of town for the weekend – a party was thrown at my place. We were almost evicted once, after there was puke everywhere and some idiot had thought it would be a good idea to break the front door window downstairs. My mother was not pleased at all.

During one of those parties – Priscilla showed up at the door. I was so pleased to have her in my home, but she brought her boyfriend of the week with her. I don’t think I even spoke to her all night. A couple of other times we would end up at the same party somewhere else, and I would speak to her occasionally. Short conversations that would mostly end with me being laughed at by her and her posse of girlfriends. It was clear that I was not welcome among the cool people.

I was, perhaps, good for a laugh or two because I was that goofy kid. But, I was not one they wanted to be associated with on a friendly or (dear God No!) a romantic level.

On one of those many parties I had my very first kiss. By that I mean the tongue-thrusting kind. Not just a peck on the lips followed by nervous giggles. I’m speaking of deep tongue in mouth, lathering saliva, and faces smooched together for minutes on end. Drunken sloppy kissing, the way only inexperienced teenagers know how to French kiss.

It was a girl that was three years older than me. I was about to go home, because I was shitfaced drunk, when this girl is standing right by the door at the party.

“Going home?”, she asks.

“Yeah”, I mumble, about ready to exit through the door and walk home in the cold and the snow outside.

“Too bad”, she says. “I kinda like you”.

I stop dead in my tracks. Girls don’t come up to me and say that kind of thing every day. And this one was older than me! How cool was that! She was like seventeen or eighteen – God knows what experience she has!

“Huh? What?”

“I could kiss you”, she says. I had my jacket on, and I was ready to leave. She walked up to me and put her arms around me. She looked deep into my eyes, and then she leaned forward. Every nerve in my body went berserk, as I parted my lips and her tongue thrust inward, into my mouth. The warmth, the softness and the taste of her saliva (which tasted very much like alcohol, wouldn’t you guess) took me to heaven in an instant. The snake in my trousers came alive and tried really hard to break free of its imprisonment in my briefs – bulging against the fly, making me almost worried it would break open and Mr. Penis would pop out and say “hello” to the onlookers.

We stood there in the hallway making out for at least fifteen minutes, before she suddenly walked away from me. I found out later that her boyfriend was at the party as well, so I guess I was lucky he never came out of the kitchen and found us making out. He too was an older kid… one that I actually befriended a few years later. He and this girl were still together then. I don’t think he knows to this day that his sweetheart was the first girl I ever kissed - The first girl whose tongue was entangled with mine.

The walk home that night through the slush and the cold was a fantastic experience. My mind was racing, and my heart was pounding. I had kissed a girl! Wait ‘til everybody hears about this! And an older girl at that! A girl who really knew how to kiss a guy!

When I came home I opened a new notebook I'd bought, and for the first time in my life I started writing a diary. The first entry was a three page rant about the experience of being kissed by a girl.

I never had a real girlfriend during my high school years. I had a few crushes, and I had quite a number of experiences making out with girls while drunk at a party. I wasn’t the type of guy who had the balls to ask a girl to be my girlfriend – it just seemed like such a big step to take.

Priscilla was the one and only girl I truly wanted though. She was the most beautiful thing in the world, but I knew she would never be mine. Everyone said so… I had no chance at all of landing someone as popular and good looking as her.

When high school was over, and I packed my belongings at the age of seventeen to move out of town, I had never really spoke to her more than briefly. I had made her laugh a couple of times.

I had never, ever, dared telling her I was attracted to her.

Me and my friend Pete left town. We got a small student apartment together in a new city. A bigger city. We were going to be actors and had signed up for an acting school.

My mother was not pleased that I left for the big city and got a place of my own at the tender age of seventeen. But, she was always a very supportive mom, and knew that this is what I really wanted. It was only a couple of hours drive to get there, so it wasn’t like I moved to the other side of the country. I would still be able to come home on the weekends every now and then, and she could come visit me any time to make sure I was doing ok.

Going to acting school was our choice of college. We were going to start a new life, and it was going to be so exciting.

I didn’t think I would ever see the pretty face of Priscilla ever again. I had to face reality. Me and her would never be one.

But, even then, I knew I would never find a girl as pretty as her ever again.

Priscilla, no doubt, was the prettiest girl on the face of the earth.

January 20, 2008

Funday Sunday: "Japanese Sauna"

This clip seems to be pretty popular on YouTube, so you may very well have seen it before. I, for one, can watch this time and time again and never be bored with it. I love this one!

Having spent some time in the sauna at gym today, it got me thinking about this one. There's one thing I'm curious about, however. Do those Japs really have leather seats in their saunas? That sounds disgusting to me. Imagine your sweat sticking to your skin on one of those... Never mind comfort - give me the classic wooden boards any day - at least they quickly soak up the sweat from the previous occupant of that seat quickly so I don't have to plant my naked butt in someone else's puddle of perspiration.

I love the fact, in this clip, that they are being tossed out into the freezing cold. Butt naked, straight from the heat of a sauna and into the freezing cold snow! The Japanese candid camera sure take things to the next level.

BTW. If you all got a little concerned about my well being yesterday - let me assure you that I am moving on toward my normal self again. Couple more good nights of sleep, and I'll be just fine. Thank You all for showing your support yesterday!

January 19, 2008

Irritable Ramblings

Rubicon Heart Update:
Did you ever feel like you were out jogging one beautiful morning, and everything was just perfect. Each step feeling light, and the scenery around you breathtakingly beautiful... and then suddenly you trip and fall face first into Poison Ivy?

Well... that's pretty much what's happened to me on the "Rubicon Heart" story. I'm trying really hard to finish that next installment for you all, and I promise to have it out there soon. I'm planning on posting Chapter One on Monday. Let's hope I can find the strength and energy to complete it by then.

The One Update:
I was convincing myself that things were better there for a while. That we were getting along just fine, and that maybe - somehow - I would be able to get close to her once again. The way things used to be before the big L-O-V-E issue came between us.

I think now I may have been fooling myself on that one. I'm starting to realize that I am the one who's doing everything for her, and not getting a damn thing in return. I'm starting to feel like she doesn't really give a rats ass about me, my needs or my feelings. I am only there for her whenever she needs me to be... and if I were to ask something of her - well, she'll probably have other things that require her attention.

Because I've started to think of our friendship like this, I've been very irritable the last few days. This is probably one of the reasons I'm having a hard time with the Rubicon Heart story, because it was aimed to address the whole thing between me and The One, which I am now beginning to realize is not a story which will either have a happy ending, nor an open ending which would allow for a sequel. I'm beginning to worry that me and The One is nothing more than a closed chapter.

Maybe I could come to terms with the fact that she doesn't love me like I love her, but I don't know if I can keep seeing her when I don't feel like she cares about me as a friend either. I need her to love me one way or the other - romantically or simply as a friend.

It took me fifteen years to truly fall in love again... how long before I'm ready to open myself to those feelings again?

Fuck My Job:
Irritable doesn't even begin to explain how I feel at work these days. I came very close to just walking out the door once again today. I was aimlessly wandering the warehouse all alone, looking at the mess around me and I thought:

What if I'd just walk out the door right now? What if I just went home, packed my belongings and bought a one-way ticket to Hollywood? I'm not a young dude anymore - this is what I should have done 15 years ago... but as you will find out in Rubicon Heart, other things were happening in my life back then. I simply cannot do this crap for much longer, or I'll end up in a padded cell at the Institution for the Savagely Insane.

When you add the above negatives together, the end result is a severe case of insomnia. I've not slept well for at least two weeks now - so that part of my New Year's Resolutions is going straight to the frying pan.

It's even worse than I've experienced for a very long time. It's keeping me awake until 3AM at night, and I'm currently operating on 3 hours worth of sleep on average. That's no way to keep those creative brain cells in good condition.

Poker Annoyance:
Another result of all of this is that I'm now having a minor dispute with one of my best friends. One of my most dependable poker buddies, who will always show up when a game of Texas Hold'Em is on the table.

He sent me a text at work today, as we'd planned to play tonight - but we were a couple bodies short. So, he asks if I'd recruited any more players. I couldn't answer immediately, because I was working, right? So a couple of hours later he texts me again, letting me know that he is giving up on the idea of poker tonight because he's tired of waiting 'til the last minute every Saturday. I sent the following text back to him:


I've not heard a word from him since... no poker tonight - as you might've guessed.

Advice from the Subconscious:
I need to get some sleep and have some serious fun. Cheer up! Get your shit together! What good comes from sulking anyway?

Tomorrow is "Funday Sunday":
That concludes my depressive ramblings for today... tomorrow I'll be funny again - because I've scheduled Sunday's to be funny... Hardy-har!