Mini-Vacation: Day 1

As I woke up on the first day of my "mini-vacation" from work, I thought I was going to enjoy this week to the fullest...

Well, to be honest, the first day didn't start off all that good. I'm not saying anything disastrous happened or anything - it's not like it's going to make all that much of a difference - nor is it that I was surprised by any of the two things that happened first thing in the morning. I knew they were coming... though I kind of wished they didn't have to present themselves so clearly right off the bat during those days off that I was looking forward to.

That's a lot of words to get to the point, isn't it? Wanna get to the point? Shall we? Allrighty, then - here goes:

My cellphone called out to let me know I had a new text. I was not yet out of bed, enjoying a day of sleeping late. I reached my hand out and took the cell off of the nightstand and pressed the middle button, which would allow me to read what was sent to me... I almost knew what it was before I saw the words:

'NOW I'M ON MY WAY. ON THE BUS RIGHT NOW. 24 HRS OF BOREDOM AHEAD OF ME. I HOPE I SURVIVE THE FLIGHT. IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME!!! TAKE CARE WHILE I'M GONE AND KEEP WORKING OUT!'

So. That's it. She's gone. Out of my life for the next four months, at least. Maybe I'll never see her again... one can never know for sure. For so long... I really thought she was The One. I would still want her to be that. I feel so lonely already now that she's gone, but I need to move on with my life and start looking at other girls.

Bye bye, sweet one. I do hope you have a wonderful time over there. And, I know you don't want me to be longing for you, so I'm gonna have to let you go. I hope you don't forget about me - I know I will never forget about you.

So... I lay in bed for another fifteen minutes. Sent a reply - wishing her all the best, and that I would send positive vibes her way, and that the flight was going to be smooth. She is terrified of flying - I wish I were there to hold her hand and comfort her...

After a while I got out of bed. I made my standard pot of coffee, and just as I sat down in front of the computer with a freshly brewed, hot cup of java the phone rang.

"Hello?", I answer the phone. Caller ID was unknown to me.

"Hi. Is this R.E.H.?"

"Yes, that would be me."

"This is Morgan. I am a union representative, and I thought I'd call you up and have a chat. I understand you know about the situation at your work."

Oh, that's just great. First day of vacation, and now the fucking Union wants to let me know I'm going to be fired. I'm not sure I made this clear to you people who don't know how things work over here. The Union are involved in EVERYTHING that companies do. Businesses can hire people to their hearts consent, but when it comes to salaries, insurance, work environment, work hours - and of course the firing of staff. Then the Union steps in and have their say... they are supposed to protect the employee - I feel very protected during this phonecall.

"Yes, I do."

"So you have received the notification that they are cutting down on staff and that, as it works, you are the last employee hired with a full-time job - which sadly means that according to rules you are the one who will be let go."

"Yes, I understand how it works."

"Do you have any questions you would like me to answer. Regarding your future."

"Not really. Are there any benefits available to me? I didn't do anything wrong, and from what I hear when a company lays off people like this, there is some form of financial security for a month or so?"

"The company you work for do not offer anything like that. However, if you need to go to a 'job search' group, to get started looking for a job - they are willing to pay the $3.000 such a class would cost. Are you interested in signing up for that?"

Another thing that irritates the hell out of me in this country is what this guy just suggested. For some reason, they believe that people are so utterly incompetent and stupid that they don't know how to apply for a job. There are classes that teach this. When you're unemployed, the unemployment office has a habit of forcing these classes on you - I've attended a few of them back in the days when I was unemployed... many years ago. They are completely worthless.

"No, I don't think I need that. I could use the $3.000 to keep my own finances in check until I do find a job, however."

The idiot had the nerve to laugh about that, as if I'd been joking. I was dead serious - give me the god damn money! It's not like I deserve to be fired... I haven't done nothing wrong. Now if the Union are supposed to have the employee's back... why the hell am I being offered junk in return for the wrong doings my job are doing unto me?

And, I pay these shitheads about 80 bucks a month - so they will keep me safe at my job.

Well, if I didn't - there would be no unemployment benefits if I can't find a job, so one better pay that money just in case something like what just happened does happen.

Oh, well...

The rest of the day has been better. I went to the gym again. Worked on legs and I also atempted to find that sixpack behind the flab on my belly. Tried a couple of new machines on both muscle groups.

I have always used this particular machine for my stomach muscles. There was this other one that I didn't quite know how to use, and I didn't think it would be any good anyway. Well, I took the time to study it and figure out how to operate the damn thing... BOY! was I wrong. That thing locked on my muscles and made me squeal like a baby trying to do the sit-ups. I'm going to be hurting badly tomorrow... I'll be using that one from now on.

Oh, and just to let you know I am not completely hung up on The One... I saw this chick at gym today - she was so freakin' hot I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She had dark hair, a pretty face and a body so perfect it should be on display in a class-room where they teach the human anatomy... the female human anatomy. I hope I will see her there every time I go - she must be new. If I do - I promise, I'll work up the nerve to ask her out...

After the gym session, I spent a good 15 minutes in the sauna. I love the sauna.

Responsive Ramblings

That whole post about me being laid off from work really caught fire (pun certainly intended), and brought up quite a few more thoughts than those related to my work and financial situation.

I thought I should adress some of these questions and ponderings in a post today - since I'm way too tired to do anything really creative. I've been working my butt off the last couple of day... wondering why I even bother. But, lets not get ahead of ourselves. Lets divide this into a couple of sub-categories, to keep me from rambling incoherently, and leaving you all frustrated with little to no understanding of what you've been reading... Yeah, I'm that tired today!

The whole Sweden thing:
One thing that really (surprisingly enough) caught on in the comments on that post was the fact that I reside in that small European country called Sweden. I thought Y'all knew about that by now.

Initially - when I started this blog - I had no intention of letting people know where I lived. That has proven to be difficult to hide. It all started when I was writing the Introduction to Rubicon Heart, where I realized I needed to tell of how we moved to another country when my mother and father got divorced. It was even long before that that I sometimes felt it was difficult to write what I wanted to say. One example would be the story of when I groped that chick on an airplane. Well, now that you know I was living way over here - it makes it easier to understand why a 16 year old kid would take an eight hour flight to visit his father... right?

Anyway. Another reason I've decided to let you all in on this little "secret", is because I feel it will be easier with that out there, and of course, make me feel like I am fully honest with you all, as I've always intended to be.

But, lets clarify some more.

I was born and raised American. At six, my mother divorced my father, and moved back to her home country - Sweden - bringing me along. I didn't see my father for seven years after that. I barely heard from him. But, as I hit my pre-teen years we started to get in touch again, as he had gotten his life back on track. I've been going back and forth between Sweden and the US ever since.

It is quite possible I may return to America in the not so distant future.

The Relief:
Having had some time to reflect upon losing my job, after the initial shock, I've come to the conclusion that it really is for the best. I mean, you have all heard me complaining about the Hell Hole I work at.

Another reason to feel relieved at being laid off presented itself the day after I received the news. This coming week is my "slow" week. Always has been - the week when I work Tuesday, Thursday and the weekend only. So, I decided to look on the schedule to see which time I needed to come in on Tuesday... the time I start varies from 8AM to 10PM. Much to my surprise I notice that I am scheduled to work on Monday.

What the hell? I haven't worked a monday in a year at the place. Monday's are my day off! Now, apparently, I'm due in at 1PM til 7:30PM - what kind of idiot hours to work are those? On Tuesday I work 2PM til 7:30PM, and it goes on. Now that slow week leaves only Wednesday off, and instead I start working afternoons til closing every fucking day. Hell no! I'm not doing those hours... the whole day is ruined working those hours. I need my days off!

Maybe they are just trying to piss me off the last couple of months. Well, I've got news for them - I was pissed off long before they started messing with my schedule!

The financial side of things:
This is what worries me. I've got to pay rent - and I've got payments on my brand new car. Add to that regular living costs, such as phone, television, my internet connection, food, drink (BEER!) and the occasional hooker... oh, sorry (!!!) - I mean; martini for the pretty lady at the bar, so she will agree to come home with me and let me... STOP IT!

Really. As it is, I barely make ends meet every month. Too often I am forced to dip into my savings account, and there is nothing worse than watching my savings decrease. I simply need to find a job that will prevent me from falling into poverty.

That is not as easy as it sounds... not over here. Unemployment is one of the biggest problems in this country. And, to pour salt into my gaping wound, as I listened to the radio the morning after I was laid off, the news predict a higher unemployment rate during 2008. Could they not have waited a couple of days before bringing me that information?

The Future:
This is the thing that I will probably be thinking really hard about for the next few weeks or months.

If it was all up to me. If I didn't have to take other people into account, I know exactly what I would do. I would go back to the States and persue that career in the movies that I've wanted since I was a little kid.

I mentioned it to one of my co-workers today.

"I've been thinking maybe I should just move back to the States and take a shot at Hollywood."

"That's what you HAVE to do!", she says. "I don't understand why you haven't done so a long time ago. You clearly don't belong here."

"Yeah, I know. It's not easy... you know - it's not like were 20 any longer"

"What? You don't have a wife and kids or anything. You can just go. If I wasn't married and didn't have kids I would be gone tomorrow!"

"There really isn't anything keeping me here, is there?"

And, while I pondered that. Yes - there is the thing about my mother. I know that life for her would be so much worse without me around. She's not a young gal, and she needs help with a lot of things... She also suffers from massive depression, and anxiety attacks. It would be horrible for her if I decided to move that far away.

But, I need to think about my own happiness too. I don't feel like I DO belong here. Not only do I not belong in a furniture store... I don't really belong in this country. Never really have - not in my heart.

But... if I do return. Where do I go? My father is no longer around, so there's really no reason to move back to Florida - except for the fact that I love it down there, and the fact there is a house available for me there. Having a place to live means a lot. Yeah - Florida would be my first choice if only considering where I want to spend my days.

Connecticut is where I still have family... but I'm not looking to move back there - I hate the winter, remember? Still, it would be nice to be close to family that I've not ever really had the chance to really get together with.

California... Hollywood. So... cliché! And, I've never set foot on the west coast in my life. But - still, that would be the place to go if I am really serious about giving a theatrical career a shot. And... imagine how this blog would change should I embark on that adventure. Honestly... that too sounds quite appealing to me ;) "Adventures of a Rambling Madman on Hollywood Boulevard".

There is yet another option. There is this baseball simulation that I've wanted to make. A computer game that has been neglected ever since I started blogging. Programming a game all alone is really hard work... but I believe I could make it a good one. What if I took time off from working and tried to finish that thing off? How much could I make from selling that? Enough to make it all worth while?

And, of course. I could write a novel or some movie scripts, and hope to sell or publish those.

So much going on in my head the last few days... and I still don't know what my decision will be. Still - I don't really need to make any decision just yet. I've got a couple of months still...

One thing is certain though... it's time for CHANGE!