November 21, 2007

Airplane Incident

Did you ever make a damn fool out of yourself?

Oh, I know we've all made ourselves look stupid every once in a while, but did you ever do it extravagantly and simply have no place to hide from it for the next 8 hours or so? Make a complete jackass out of yourself and have to remain seated right next to the stranger you so delicately introduced yourself to early on during an eight hour flight?

Well, I did.

Let me tell you about it... just to entertain. Please don't think less of me after you have read this... I really am a good person - and I did not intend to do the things I ended up doing - my mind simply couldn't cope with the situation.

I got on the plane. I was only 17 at the time, and I was going on an eight hour flight all by myself to visit my father. It was, of course, very exiting for me to be making this long trip all on my own. I had a window seat, just like I had wanted, so I could look out at the clouds, and the terrain of our world when flying low enough to witness this beautiful sight. I had flown before, so I knew what it was all about - but, this was the first time I was on my own.

And - Bingo! A beautiful girl who's also alone takes her seat next to me. She's of course older than me - maybe in her mid to late 20's, but I'm a 17 year old horny young boy, and I am looking forward to having her sitting next to me.

Now... let's explain one thing to you. I was very shy around women back then. Talking to them would certainly require a lot of courage, and it took time building that courage up inside. Especially when they were as good looking as this one was.

We take off, and I have not yet said a word to her... possibly did say a quick "Hi" as she took her seat, but that would've been all. I am enjoying my window seat, however, looking out at all the sights early on in the flight, before we are engulfed in the whiteness of the clouds and there really isn't much to see anymore.

Then the stewardess shows up with her little cart, asking if we'd like some hot coffee or tea. You all know I'm addicted to coffee right?

"I'll have some coffee, please"

The girl next to me orders coffee as well. Good sign, I'm thinking. She likes coffee too, that's a decent ice breaker right there.

I remain silent, continuously looking for the balls (no not those balls) to speak to her. And then, as the stewardess places the girl's plastic cup on her pull-out tray and pours her some steaming hot coffee, it is almost time for me to introduce myself to her...

The stewardess hands me an empty plastic cup as well, and I'm holding it out for her to fill it up. She does, and everything goes well... until I pull my arm back to set my cup down on my own tray.

That is when things went wrong. Oh, you've guessed it already, I suppose. I knocked her red hot cup of coffee over with my elbow, and all over her legs and crotch. This was some really hot coffee I'll tell you. I lose control of the muscles in my hand, and my own cup drops. It hits the side of her tray and that too splashes all over her.

She screams. It must hurt like hell!

My eyeballs widen in terror... what have I done???!!!

And... then I try to make things better... or do I try to make them go away? Either way... I shouldn't have done anything...

My hands shoot out from my body. I am not aware of this. Then they dive in between her thighs and start to brush rapidly at her jeans trying to make the hot coffee go away. In a state of panic I try to rub the coffee off of her, my mouth incoherently and repeatedly saying: "Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, sorry. Didn't mean..."

And, then it hits me. Yes. Finally I come to realize what it is that I am doing to this good looking stranger of a girl. This girl who is in tremendous pain and shock after having two full cups of coffee spilled into her lap...

I have my hands in her crotch, and I'm rubbing at it like crazy...

I retract my hands with force, banging my elbow into my own pull-out tray hurting myself in the process.

"Oh, my God! I'm so sorry... Oh... Sorry!".

I quickly turned my head and looked outside at the beautiful whiteness. I wanted so badly to be somewhere else... in a void somewhere where no one could see me. My face was probably the same color as my blood.

The stewardess was helping the poor girl, giving her napkins and what not allowing the girl to clean herself up (as would have been a much better option indeed). Her pain had subsided I guess, as coffee quickly cools off when spread out in your lap I suppose, but I'm sure it still hurt badly. Second degree burns maybe?

Well, heck! We only had about 7 and a half hours to go before we landed right? I figured I'd just sit there staring out the window and ignore her the whole time.

After about two hours, I had worked up the courage to say I'm sorry... you know... in a respectable way. This whole time she had ignored me as well - listening to the radio with those earphones you get. She'd taken them off, having just returned from the toilet when I decided to speak up.

"I'm sorry about the coffee. Really I am"

She looked at me... still angry it seemed.

"That really hurt you know"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, you know. I'm sorry about... you know", and I motion with my hands as I cannot find a way to express my error of groping at her crotch.

"I don't want to talk about it, ok", she says and plugs her ears, going back to listening to music.

I have never before (and hopefully will never again) felt like such a jackass, and as I said - I had no place to hide. I had to sit there, right next to her... hoping my leg wouldn't brush up against hers, because she might read something into it - and you all know how spacey airplane seats are, right?

I turn to her again - today. Now that we both may be able to look at that incident differently.

Airplane Girl? You here?

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for spilling our coffees in your lap. I didn't mean anything by rubbing the hot, wet area between your legs. I just wasn't thinking clearly, ok? So now that you know I'm not some pervert. Now that you know I am a decent human being... what do you say? Would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me some time?


Loving Annie said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you, R.E.H. !

fiwa said...

Ouch. I'm still cringing for you at that story! She could have been a LITTLE nicer to you about it, I mean no one would purposely spill coffee all over someone else. I live in horror of doing something like that though, and I'm so glad I'm not flying anywhere this holiday or that's ALL that would be in my mind the whole time.

Anonymous said...

You'd crap your pants if she answered this!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jen said...

It's funny how we can't seem to shake stories such as these. They have a tendency to hit us unexpectedly, which bring them back out and, sadly, relive. I really wish there were stories of mine that would stay hidden in the dusty parts of my brain. Really. I do.

I feel your pain.

R.E.H. said...

Loving Annie: Thank You, and you have a good one too, ok?

Fiwa: Well, I doubt the fact I spilled coffee was her major concern... my hands between her legs might have done the trick though.

Preposterous Ponderings: Yes, I would. I'd have all kinds of scenarios in my head concerning her sweet revenge... :)

Jen: Thank You. At the same time, these are the kinds of stories that once they are over and done with, they make for great conversation and hearty laughter :)

Karen said...

Too funny. I am all too familiar with those moments where I wish the world would swallow me up. And you clearly got to 3rd base with her - you are basically a member of the mile high club!

Jay Cam said...

lol when you said "looking for balls" i thought you were checking her out to make sure she didnt have balls! but i guess what you meant was good too...

way to go!

Anonymous said...

She must have been pretty hot for you to still feel so bad!

Don't sweat it and yes I think you would crap your pants if she answered!


Beautifully Profound said...

Holy crap that was funny. You poor tortured thing.

R.E.H. said...

Karen: you are basically a member of the mile high club!

Never thought of it like that! But, isn't actual penetration required for membership? Who cares... Yay! I'm a mile-high club member! ;)

Jay Cam: Well I did fondle that area, and I am pretty sure there were no balls there.

Butterfly Girl: Hmmm... I must've written this post badly. I am not tortured still... I think it is a laugh these days. Back then, however, it was very painful indeed ;)

Beautifully Profound: In retrospect, yes! that is really funny ;)

Guilty Secret said...

He he, great story :) I loved how you built the suspense!

R.E.H. said...

Guilty Secret: Thank you :) I am always hoping to keep people entertained with what I write - regardless of whether the story appeals or not...

Newt said...

That was a good story.

R.E.H. said...

Newt: Thanks :)

odd facts said...

That story just made my day. It'll take quite a while for me to stop giggling.