October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

Well... the scariest holiday of them all are upon us, and it is time to cozy up in front of a good horror movie-fest for the night. Now if only the girl to the left here was with me to enjoy the festivities. Maybe she'll come trick or treating...

I had hoped to have time to write a decent horror story for you guys to read, but having been swamped with work, and the usual lack of sleep disabling my writing capabilities has forced me to decide against writing some original fiction. I hope to do that once in a while in my blogging, and it is likely it would be horror, because that's what I thrive upon.

Instead... I will try to tell you a true story. A true story that scared the heck out of my neighbor, and is fitting for today although it didn't occur on Halloween eve. It happened on my birthday...

I was celebrating my 14th (or thereabouts) birthday with my friends. It was before beer was the beverage of choice, and we still thought lemonade, birthday cake and cookies were the coolest things in the world. I had about 6-7 friends over, and then my mother takes me aside and asks me why I hadn't invited my neighbor from downstairs. This neighbor was one of my better friends, and we hung out quite often, so even I was a little surprised I had forgotten to invite the poor guy... maybe it had to do something with the fact he was a year younger than us... isn't it funny how age matters that much when your that age?

Anyway... I thought I had to get him up to our apartment so he could join the fun... or maybe we could pull a prank on him?

Yes! That way the other guys wouldn't mind him coming over.

I was always a horror buff. From the day I was hiding under the coffee table watching some black and white Dracula movie one late night when I was allowed to stay up. I remember that wonderful feeling of being afraid... while you could somehow feel safe knowing it wasn't real... no it is not real. But... it could be, couldn't it?

So, that's how I came up with the idea. We were going to invite him up for a seance. Together with my other friends we prepped for the scares in my room, using my mother's sewing threads to tie invisible lines between our hands and different objects in my room that we knew would make strange noices.

I then go downstairs and ring on the doorbell.

"Hey, Neighbor. Got a minute?". He didn't know it was my birthday.

"Yeah. Why?"

"See... me and some guys are going to try this thing I read in a magazine. It's a seance to bring ghosts into this world."

He giggles nervously. "Yeah, right!"

I'm playing my cards here. I need to convince him.

"I know", and I laugh a little. "It's stupid... of course nothing's gonna happen. But, it could be fun."

"Ok", he says, and the poor soul didn't know he was about to have the scariest day of his life.

We go upstairs, and I direct him into my room, closing the door behind us. My mother is in the kitchen, smoking a cigarette... she too knows about our plans.

The room is dark, and in the center of it we have lit a few candles organized in a circle. I had some centerpiece, but I cannot recall what it was... it was something I meant to represent the supernatural... like a five-pointed star or something. The darkness is designed not only to create the mood, but to hide the sewing threads that are a plenty.

I seat him in his designated place, and then I sit down. I am the mastermind of tonights events... of course - it is my birthday.

"Ok. Listen up guys". I'm trying to sound all serious and a little nervous. I'm doing a good job of it too. "According to that article I read we must stay very very calm at all times. And be quiet... because if we upset the ghosts they can become angry... and then things might become very dangerous. As long as we stay calm and quiet... the ghosts won't hurt us, ok?"

There are some mumbles heard as the other's agree to follow the rules. I already begin to notice that my neighbor is very nervous about what we are about to do.

"Ok... I'm going to read the cantations now. No laughing, guys. I don't think the ghosts will come if we're laughing. This is dead serious now".

And, so I begin rambling some mumbo jumbo - words that are supposed to sound latin or some crazy shit like that. As I do this I'm thinking; There's no way in hell he's going to buy this crap.

But, I was wrong.

While I was continuing my ramblings, I began tearing up some poster on my wall... using the thread I had assigned myself. It was the easiest one to do without him noticing any suspicious hand-movement on my side, as I knew I'd be the one he was keeping his eye on.

"D'you hear that?", he whispers quitely. Trembling voice already. I stop reading my cantations.

"What?", I whisper back, having stopped tearing that poster on the wall. Everything is quiet.

"Ok... nothing".

I begin my quiet chanting again. And I begin tearing my poster again, slowly. I see him looking left and right trying to figure out what that sound is. He is obviously getting nervous now. So... I rip the poster clean off the wall...

"Holy shit, guys! Did you hear that?", he's beginning to speak loudly. I try to calm him down.

"Quiet... they're here now. It works."

"I'm scared... I don't like this. We should stop."

"No... this is awesome. Remember... just stay calm."

At this point, one of my friends have lost patience. I would have thought he would ruin it, as I wanted to build the suspense before we started making any serious noice. A pile of cassette tapes (those were used back in those days) suddenly came off a bookshelf next to my poor neighbor and went crashing to the floor right by his feet.

And... he completely lost his cool. Let me start by explaining to you that I will name my mother Rita for the purposes of blogging from now on.

"Riiiiiiiiiiitttaaaaaaaaa!!!!". He screams for my mother, jumps out of his chair and rushes for the door. In his panic, he somehow (and this is the part that I still don't understand) cannot open the door - which I had never thought to lock. "Let me oooouuuuut!"

I jump after him. Grab a good hold of him and try to calm him down.

"Remember! Don't panic man. If we're calm, nothing will happen. So calm down!"

Unbelievably... he agrees to sit back in his chair. Before I return to my seat, I let the evil in me decide that I should lock the door in case he tries to escape again.

Half a minute later, my neighbor is breathing heavily and irregularily. He is scared shitless, no doubt. Then, a pile of books... heavy books come flying across the room.

The panic that followed is something I doubt I will ever see the likes of ever again. How my door didn't just leave a hole in his shape as he crashed into it, I don't know.

Again.... much louder this time.



He's crashed into the door. Pounding his fists against it. This is a matter of survival. Again I rush after him, trying to calm him down.

He does not hear a single word I'm saying. He's just screaming for my mother to let him out of this room. He just knows he is going to die... right here, right now. Even I can't let him suffer any more.

I switch the lights on... and I cannot help but start laughing when I get a good look at that panic stricken face as he turns towards me in disbelief. We all start laughing... except for my neighbor who starts crying. I think mostly because he was relieved, realizing it was all a hoax.

I'm not kidding you when I tell you it took him over an hour to stop shaking... but I was good to him afterwards and offered him lemonade, birthday cake and cookies.

And... about my mother. I think I know where I got my evil streak from. She admitted afterwards that she was in the kitchen laughing her socks off listening to him screaming her name and pounding on the door.


Jay said...

That's the kind of thing that is absolutely hilarious when it happens to somebody else. haha

Happy Halloween!

Aunt Jackie said...

Devil costumes scare you huh?!?! (raises eyebrow) Yes the tattoos are all real... and thanks!! Glad you enjoyed the pics.

Have a wonderfully wicked evening!!

I myself am exhausted from all this buying of souls!! hehe


Kell said...

That was so evil. And yet so great! That poor kid. But I'd forgive anyone who gave me birthday cake.

Have a Happy Halloween.

Guilty Secret said...

Aw poor kid! I was glad to hear you gave him cake and stuff afterwards. Most kids would be too upset to accept it, so I guess he was a good choice for your prank.

R.E.H. said...

Jay: I know! That is one of the reasons I really enjoyed Scare Tactics on TV. Some of those pranks are outrageous!

Aunt Jackie: They do. I guess it has something to do with my fear of the devil, something The Exorcist did to me as a child.

Your tats are awesome, though.

Kell: I just didn't have the heart not to offer him cake :) And he deserved it for entertaining me the way he did...

Guilty Secret: He was upset, and scared. But, no kid I believe would ever say no to birthday cake. His hands were shaking as he ate it though :)

Newt said...

You are an evil evil man :-)

Beautifully Profound said...

What newt said. If it were me I would have told you to go f*ck yourself and never talked to you again. I was a sensitive child. Hell I am a sensitive adult.

Tink said...

I LOVE that your Mom was just sitting there laughing. Great story!!

Tink said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
R.E.H. said...

Newt: I am... and proud of it too :)

Beautifull Profound: Aw, c'mon... a guy's allowed to have him a laugh, right? :)

Tink: Thanks. Yeah, my mom is great like that. She scared me to death one April Fool's Day, when she told me there were some Disney cartoon's on TV when I was about 6. The TV aired nothing but static (remember Poltergeist again?), and the volume was cranked up to the max. So when I turned on the TV, it blasted right at me. Sent me screaming and crying into her arms.

Note: She never intended for that kind of success. The TV we had back in those days was weird, and sometimes when you turned it on, the volume was sort of self-adjusted to maximum.