I don't know... take a look at this video.
Attractive people are expecting me to feel sorry for them because they are good looking. Now, I don't know if I'm being a shit-head here, or if I'm being reasonable - but I find it very hard to take this little "documentary" very serious.
First of all - I don't know if you people have noticed this about me (like, sure you wouldn't have). But, I do have a thing for hot chicks. I'm a dude fercryinoutloud! It is my job to go nuts whenever I see a pretty girl - that's just the way God planned us. We are hunters by nature, and if we see a strikingly beautiful woman, our instincts are to give them our war cry.
"Hey there, sexy thing! Why don't you come get some of this?", while grabbing our scrotum in a manly manner.
We don't do this to be demeaning to the female sex - this is how we show our appreciation and affection.
Did you notice in this short little film that none of the guys seemed to have a problem with being looked upon as an object.
"Do you get stuff for free because of your looks?"
"Hell, yeah I do. Isn't that neat? Women give me stuff, and I don't have to do shit! Fuckin' awesome!", short pause for smugness. "They all want a piece of this!". Widened grin.
Now, I don't know how these people feel. I am not fortunate enough to be one of the "pretty people". I am rather cursed with being on the opposite end of that spectrum, and I can assure these people that I would much rather suffer through the emotional scarring that being called "good looking" all the time would incur. I would much rather have that, than the "You butt ugly, dude", or the condescending giggle from a girl when asking her out. "Hihihi... uhm, well... no... hihi... I don't think so!".
I'm not saying that being good looking would solve every emotional problem in the world. Sure as hell doesn't... but I am pretty sure that you cannot blame any form of emotional suffering on the particular fact of being beautiful. I have met many beautiful girls in my day, whom I have looked upon with respect for their niceness, intelligence and what not. Admittedly, intertwined with this honest respect has always been the primal scream from deep within... you know - the part of us men that God made us be.
"Why don't you drop those study books and come study this tall structure?", whipping it out right there in the middle of the library.
That one girl in this film. The one who speaks of "always being the pretty girl. Never the nice girl, never the smart girl"... she gets my heart rate up there. I wonder how she would react if a guy like me asked her out - in a respectable way. I am willing to bet my life savings on her saying "No, thank you", without taking five minutes of her time to find out what I'm like as a human being.
I cannot feel sorry for her. But, maybe this is just an assumption I'm making. I never met this girl, so naturally I never tried asking her out. But, I've tried many a time with girls very similar to her. They are all friendly and seemingly smart - yet stunningly attractive. They have all let me down... and I have seen the guys they go out with - they are not unfortunate looking... ever!
That other girl. The one who starts crying because men shout obscenities after her... making her feel not pretty. She got my reptilian brain to take over my rational thinking.
"Sweetie Pie. Lemme lick those pretty little tears off-a your face!"
Last hour before closing today was rather slow. We are open an extra hour ahead of Christmas, but this information does not seem to have reached the public - so basically; We're open, but no one knows that.
This means that there is almost no customers in the store when this very, very fortunate looking woman walks by me in one of the aisles. A member of the male species as I am, I almost walk into this big fucking column as my head turns to look at that amazing ass of hers wiggling its way further down the aisle.
I would've stopped, asking her if she needed any help - but I had something I needed to do up front by the register.
As I stand by the counter, speaking to one of my co-workers, the hot ass chick walks up to us. She's looking for a bathrobe, but couldn't find it. Yes, we're mainly a furniture store, but we sell tons of other little trinkets as well. Of course, I offer my services faster than Lucky Luke draws his gun. My professional services, that is.
As I walk her to the bathrobe section, she says to me:
"I'm looking for an extra large size"
I've got something extra large for you, bay-beh!
"Ok", I say... thinking she doesn't need extra large. She's buying this thing for some lucky ass boyfriend of hers... what can I do to make her forget about that douche bag?
And... she reads my mind.
"I do have a boyfriend"
It's informative. She lets me know this so that I don't even think about trying something with her. I'm wondering, is it really that fucking obvious?
And... then it hits me. Of course it is... I am a dude, dammit. Of course she knows! I'm not thinking anything else than every other guy would've been thinking right now!
So, do I feel sorry for her? Am I sorry I had indecent thoughts about her as I was checking out that ass of hers?
Hell no! No more sorry about that, than she is for blowing me off before I even attempt voicing my primal scream.
"Whoa there, sugar! Why don't you wiggle that sweet ass of yours over here and I'll give it a good spanking!"
Am I bitter today? I guess all this work and no play has finally gotten the better of me...
Note:
For those of you who are not familiar with the use of irony. I do not have a habit of actually using those phrases that I wrote here in order to impress the honeys. I will, however, admit that these kinds of comments do surface within my mind at times... but that is quite normal, girls. Nothing to worry about there.
Remember... I am a dude!
22 comments:
I don't find a single man in the video to be attractive. And what's with the girl with huge spaces between her teeth. They could have found some better looking pretty people, in my opinion.
But yeah....I know from experience how difficult it is to be sooooo freaking hot. And it hurts me deeply that you can't understand our pain. LOL. ;)
lol i'm suprised you still have a job!!
There's something about our society that really is trying make all of us feel sorry for people because they're so good looking. They try to convince us that being so damn good looking is a HUGE burden or something. What a load of crap.
Kinda like the way ESPN has been trying to make everyone feel sorry for Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank over his coach bailing on him Vick going to jail.
Screw that. I make it a point to never feel sorry for people who own their own jet airplane.
And I make it a point to never feel sorry for people who are crumbling under the burden of beauty.
Karen: I don't know about the guys... I seriously cannot judge whether a dude is good looking or not...
But, I do find the women hot in that "mockumentary". Except for the no-hair chick who looks like she's twelve or something.
Jay Cam: I still have a job because the women do say no to me. Had I "done her" right there in the store... I might have been in trouble with the management.
Jay: I know. It is weird, too. I can't really remember what it was... but a while ago I read something about this guy who won a lot of money on the lottery, and now his friends wouldn't talk to him. He was so heartbroken that his money had made his friends turn on him...
...I'm thinking. It's not the money, dude - maybe you changed your attitude towards them once you had some cash to flash?
Would I be showing my age if I said "Gag me with a spoon!"? Gawd, those folks make me want to hurl. Don't they think EVERYONE gets judged in that way?
Hey! Was that the same Mark McKinney of Kids in the Hall? Hmmmmm.
Anyway, "not unfortunate looking." That was my favorite. Like it's so unfortunate if you look like, you know, ordinary. I had an acting coach tell me once that I had such a unique look, so different than the typical ingenue. Um hm. Unique being a euphemism for "not pretty enough, but you could play the ugly step-sister." He actually sounded like this was a good thing, when all a woman really wants to hear is that she's beautiful.
Dude, you're not just a dude, you're the dude.
Loved this post... irony, sarcasm, whatever you want to call it.. you do it well :)
That was the stupidest documentary EVER. I had a friend who couldn't get a job because she looked like a troll doll. No lie. She about starved waiting for someone (anyone) to hire her. Another friend of mine was so pretty she had strange men offer to pump her gas for her. She NEVER had a problem getting a job. Most employers told her at the 1st interview that she was hired. She used to bitch and moan all the time about what a handicap being pretty was. "No one hires me for my skills." Boo hoo hoo. I never had the heart to introduce the two. I always knew the first friend would beat the shit out of the second friend. And probably for good reason. ;)
But yet, I'd put money on the fact that not ONE of them would be willing to give it all up to be "ordinary"
If I had to choose between being the nice girl, the smart girl or the pretty girl, I'd choose to be the pretty girl every single time!
I'd sure be terribly upset to have to learn what I could get for free just by looking good. Poor things ... such a terrible thing to have to overcome.
You should write a paper!
Funny post. I am a dude, hear me scream!
(I wonder if the "unfortunate" looking are tired of being looked at too? )
Fiwa: Nah, I don't think you're showing your age making that statement... I think you're showing common sense.
Kell: I checked this information out, just for you: Yes, that is the same Mark McKinney as in Kids In The Hall who made this fabulous documentary.
And... the unique comment. Don't you just love getting that one? Really warms you up inside!
Guilty Secret: I am tha du'eh! I tha man!
Thank you... see you got it down, how to hurt me deeply by being nice to me. Thank goodness, I'm not also good looking ;)
Tink: I was unemployed for a very long time before I landed my current job... now I understand what was going on all that time.
"No one hires me for my skills." Boo hoo hoo.
That triggered my laughter mechanism! And, how I feel sorry for her having suffered this terrible abuse!
Leighann: There is a spin that would've made this documentary worth while. All that bitching, and then the million dollar question... "would you rather be unattractive? Or at least plain looking?"
Dana: If I had to choose between the three it would be based on these criteria:
The smart girl... when I'm looking to have a good conversation.
The nice girl... when I don't want to end up being hurt.
The pretty girl... every single time she wants me to!
Who wins?
G-Man: Hehe... thanks. I'll give the New York Times a ring, see if they need a new columnist ;)
R.E.H. - A sarcastic view on life!
I would imagine the unfortunate looking are even more uncomfortable by how they're being looked at and what people holler after them on the streets.
Common sense... what would you rather have someone scream after you.
"Hey, beautiful! Come on over here, let me give you a kiss, baby!"
or...
"Hey buttface! Get your ugly ass out of my view... you make me wanna puke!"
Umm...am I the only one who didn't find those people hot?
My standards are much different. And what was with that one dude's hair? For real.
I don't have sound here at work, but it was entertaining even without. The crying girl? What the hell?
You are much hotter. And so am I. In fact, we are babealicious even.
In all seriousness, I don't think I'm nearly as hot as I pretend I do. It's fake and false confidence. Men pay attention to me, and I've never had an issue with getting a date, but inside I'm still the girl with bad teeth and glasses, you know? I never take it seriously. I'm just a goofy retard who can quote bad movies and makes smart ass jokes.
So these people actually look in the mirror and think, "Damn, I'm pretty"? That is very, very unattractive.
Samantha K: You still don't have sound on your office PC? You should tell management to give you sound or you'll quit! It is much more fun with the sound.
You're no goofy retard, Samantha. You are the pretty, smart and funny girl - all wrapped up in one nice package ;)
Tequila Mockingbird: I think I'll use that slut-comment next time.
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's not funny - I've got money... how much is it?"
Wait... somehow that makes me look bad, doesn't it?
BTW... when you saw those pics of me, are you sure you hadn't had one too many of those mouth-watering drinks? I know what that can do to the perception of beauty ;)
Thanks, though!
I practice reverse discrimination. After a few bad experiences with really shallow, self-absorbed women, I will not hire applicants who are so-called "beautiful people". If you spend 2 hours doing your hair and makeup, you have your priorities wrong. I like a clean-scrubbed, simple look that says: I have better things to do with my time than spending 45 minutes flat-ironing my hair every morning. Or curling my eyelashes, or whatever the case may be.
Sparkling Red: I never quite got that flat-ironing business... I mean, I think that a little wave or some curl to one's hair is a beautiful thing... why flatten it out?
Hmmm... I remember The One doing just that when we went to this party once... she looked damn hot afterward.
Then, again... she will look damn hot whatever she decides to do in my eyes ;)
The thing I hated most growing up as an ugly stepsister was when guys I had crushes on asked me to set them up with my friends. That really hurt. Thankfully the hubster found the beauty inside. And he didn't want to meet my friend, he wanted to know me :-)
Oh, darnit... now I'm confused. I am not pretty. I say this sincerely and objectively. But darnitall, I get free stuff all the time. And people offer to do things for me, like pump my gas (though maybe not specifically that one so much). And walking down a city sidewalk, complete strangers will smile and oftentimes say "hi" to me! It must be because I'm small and look unintimidating.
As for the documentary, those people's reaction to the "Do you know that you're really good-looking?" at the beginning were so full of crap when they feigned modesty. They think they are. The third person, the woman with the brown face-framing hair, winked at the camera. She knows. I don't mind confidence. I do mind false modesty.
Newt: Oh, yeah. I remember those situations. Some pretty girl walks up... with that look on her face, nervously.
Me thinking Yes! Finally... I'm getting some of that sweet lovin' I deserve!
Then she opens her mouth;
"Uhm... eh... excuse me... but... you know... that friend of yours... you think he'd be interested in going out with me?".
I mean... why not just break out a sledgehammer and hit me in the gut with it?
Smarmoofus: Welcome!
Well, sounds to me you must be pretty then. I know I for one never get stuff for free... sometimes I think people want to charge me double to make up for what they gave to the pretty people. ;)
I am against false modesty too, but I'll have to admit it can be a bit of a turn-on... at least the way she did it in that film. I know, I'm good at contradicting myself ;) Two sides to every story, and all that...
no i was not drunk when i saw pics of you...
Tequila Mockingbird: Well... I guess... Thank You, then ;)
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