This is the first time that I'm doing this, but I intend for this to be a monthly feature here on Ramblings Of A Madman. This is pretty much a recap of the month that has been, and I will post this thing on the 3rd of every month. As you will understand I will need a couple of days to compile all of this stuff ;)
What this is all about, is to give something back to all of you who leave comments on my posts. I appreciate your thoughts and input, and for this I will hand out a "Commenter of the Month" award, as well as write a fun little story in which you all will appear.
This'll be a rather long post, so let's get right down to it.
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ONE: COMMENTER OF THE MONTH
As you see on the picture up there, we have a winner of the first Commenter of the Month award. That winner is Tequila Mockingbird who has left a whopping 28 comments for me in December. That gives her a landslide win over runner up Jay Cam, who finished at 22. Jay and Karen share 3rd place with 20 comments.
Below, is a list of ALL commenters during the month of December 2007.
WINNER: Tequila Mockingbird (28)
2nd Place: Jay Cam (22)
3rd Place: Jay (20), Karen (20)
17: Guilty Secret
16: Leighann, Preposterous Ponderings
15: Dana, Fiwa, Sparkling Red
13: Kell, RockDog
12: Joel, Newt, Samantha K
9: Beautifully Profound, TT
8: G-Man, Loving Annie
7: Alli, Butterfly Girl, Jen, Tink
6: Lakota Princess, Lightning Bug's Butt
5: Real Live Lesbian
3: Jill, Mary P. Jones, Odd Facts
Just Missed The Party (2): Aunt Jackie, Cardiogirl, Casdok, Emmeline, Jinks, Pookie Sixx, Sassy Lucy
Singles (1): Ammaro.com, Angela, Art, Bottle Blonde, Brunhilda, Crashtest Comic, Freakazojd, Gawilli, Palm Springs Savant, PhoenixMuse, Smarmoofus
Thank you all for your comments, and making this place a fun place to be!
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TWO: KEYWORDS OF THE MONTH
Part two of my monthly recap will take a look at the keywords that brought people to my site when searching on Google and stuff. This part will have no real structure, but I'll just try to make it funny.
Top Searches:
"cousins making out" and "root beer"
Now, it worries me a little bit that people are Googling that first sentence - and apparently quite often. I know I made a post about going to my cousin's birthday party, and that I ended up making out with some random chick there - but, let me remind you that it was not my cousin I was making out with.... Yikes!
Funny Searches:
"do women like pecs", "shakira pecs", "why do pecs look good" and "why do women like pecs" - Pecs seem to be an item of interest... I especially enjoy the question format on those searches... why, why oh why do pecs look so freakin' good? Does Shakira even have pecs? Technically speaking? And if she does... wouldn't you rather search for her boobs?
"is two and a half hours of sleep worth it?" - hmmm... That's something I really need to Google to find the answer to.
"is scaring a pregnant girl bad" - Duh!
"kicked in the balls hard" - I can't even begin to imagine why someone would enter that search term
Random Interesting Search:
"head over heels" - Someone found my site with this particular search term, and decided to stick around for 15+ minutes. I find this quite interesting... is this person still reading my blog? You out there? Let me know, because that would have to be one random new reader.
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THREE: COMMENTER STORY OF THE MONTH
Lets begin by explaining this thing a little bit. In fact, lets begin by giving credit for this thing where it belongs. This idea is not one that I've come up with myself. This idea belongs to RockDog over at Your Friendly Neighborhood RockDog. When I first read a post he had made, writing a story using the 8th sentence from the last 10 unique commenters on his site, I was hooked on the idea. What a fantastic way to rub those creative brain cells. Check out that post right HERE.
So, dude. RockDog, my man! I sure hope you don't mind me outright stealing this idea from you - if you do, I will remove this thing and not ever do it again, but I'm hoping you will have the heart to forgive me for my disrespectful act of treachery.
I've slightly modified the "rules" that RockDog uses. More on that below. Basically, the idea is to take one sentence from a blog by the commenter and use it as dialogue in a fictional story.
First, some rules and a disclaimer. Then - sit back, relax, grab a glass of wine, a shot of whiskey, a can of beer, a bottle of Mountain Dew or whatever you fancy for a little reading session. Thank you all for the month that has been, and we'll be looking forward to the first month of 2008 - January!
Monthly Commenter Story
The monthly commenter story is a fictional story that I will write and post on the 3rd of each month. This story is composed of all the people who have left at least three comments on my blog over the past month.
RULES:
Every person who have commented on my blog at least 3 times during the past month will be included in a fictional story, written by yours truly - R.E.H.
I will go to these people's blogs and copy a single sentence from their final post of the month. It will always be the 9th sentence of that post. If the post has fewer than 9 sentences, I will use sentence number 6, if fewer than that - sentence number 3. If the post were to have less than three sentences - they will be disqualified for my story.
The Commenter of the Month will have sentences from the last 3 posts included in my story.
Runner-Up and Third Placed commenters will have sentences from their last 2 posts of the month included.
Once I've collected all your sentences, these will be incorporated into a fictional story.
Sentences MUST be used as dialogue "out of the mouth" of that blogger, and I am not allowed to add other dialogue to that character in the story.
Every sentence MUST be used in the story. I can not skip using one, just because I can't find a good use for it.
Sentences MUST be used completely unedited, except if sentence breaking parenthesis is used, in which case I reserve the right to remove the parenthesis.
Names of the blogger will be linked to their blogs (only where dialogue follows).
If a blogger does not wish to feature in these stories from now on, they must tell me so in a comment, and I will exclude them from my story.
DISCLAIMER:
The events taking place in this story has no resemblance to reality in any form. The actions that fellow bloggers undertake in this story is in no way a reflection of their true selves. The only "real" deal here is that what the blogger says in this story, is what they have written on their blog... but it may be put way out of context of its original meaning.
Put shortly... this is for fun! I have no intention of hurting anyone's feelings, or making them out to be something they are not!
********** THE STORY **********
BLOGVILLE NEW YEAR'S PARTY 2007
It was New Year's Eve 2007, and I had absolutely no idea where to go. Where's fun to be found? I knew who to ask when in need of a good time, so I called up Tequila Mockingbird and she was more than happy to guide me through some New Year's partying. We met outside a rundown apartment building, and I could hear the monotonous beating of party music drifting out of a cracked window on the second story.
R.E.H.: "This is not the place you said we'd go."
Tequila Mockingbird: "The first party was one put on by people really into home brewing, needless to say, quite the selection of fine beverages, but a bit too sedate."
R.E.H.: "Ok... guess this one is more lively then."
We entered the building, and walked up the stairs (elevator was out of order - thank God, as I would have been scared shitless riding inside of that thing). I was excited to get to the party. I'd heard all of my blogging friends would be there, and it was going to be a lot of fun to meet them all. As we reached the door I rang the bell.
Lightning Bug's Butt opened the door and greeted us with a great big smile on his face.
Lightning Bug's Butt: "Merry Christmas."
A little surprised I look at him.
R.E.H.: "It's New Year's, right? Christmas was last week."
As Guilty Secret is taking off her winter coat, she overhears us talking about Christmas.
Guilty Secret: "Our first Christmas, I spent at my mum's as usual."
Then Jill comes rushing by, headed for the exit. She does not look pleased at all. I hear her mumbling to herself as she brushes by me.
Jill: "No matter how well I manage my money, after I've bought my Christmas gifts, clothes and other stuff, I don't have any money left for New Year!"
Apparently there was a fee to enter the party. I duly paid the $200 - I was not going to miss this party for anything in the world. In honor of Tequila Mockingbird's award-winning commenting on my blog, I decided to pay the entrance fee for her as well. We received a welcome drink and a rubber chicken, which I couldn't quite figure out the use of. Tequila Mockingbird looked less than amused at the rubber chicken, and promptly handed it back.
Tequila Mockingbird: "The only chicken I want for the holidays is cooked and served with a side of mashed potatoes."
Then she quickly threw back the drink, swallowed and we walked inside - ready to party! As we came inside I was overjoyed to see all those familiar blogger friends. I knew I was in for a terrific New Year's Eve. Beautifully Profound was standing by a wall, looking at all the people. She held a camera firmly in her hands. Next to her Karen stands sipping a glass of wine.
R.E.H.: "I see you brought your camera."
Beautifully Profound: "I may try to find some inspirational photos to post up tonight."
I cursed myself for not having brought my camera. It seemed such a given that one would take pictures to post on your blog from this party. I note that Karen doesn't seem to carry a camera either.
R.E.H.: "Aren't you going to take any pictures tonight?"
Karen: "I would post pictures, but I am afraid the Department of Health may stop buy for some sort of inspection after seeing the family room."
I look across the hall, into the family room - and I understand immediately what Karen meant. All of a sudden I'm glad I didn't bring a camera... it sure wouldn't have been suitable to post those pictures on any self-respecting blog. In the midst of the crowd I see Newt standing there. She looks absolutely horrified... she's desperately trying to clean up some mess around her - I figured it was puke. I holler over the loud music to her.
R.E.H.: "Hey, Newt! Somebody barfed in there?"
She points to some guy I didn't recognize. The fella had obviously had a few too many already, and had now passed out on the floor. He was not a pretty sight.
Newt: "All over his shirt, the carpet, the stairs."
She resumes cleaning up the mess. Karen suddenly hoists her glass of wine toward my drink for a salute. In the process she knocks the camera out of Beautifully Profound's hands, and it goes crashing to the floor. It breaks in a thousand tiny little pieces, scattering everywhere. Karen looks mortified.
Karen: "Mark just said I am probably a hex."
She helps Beautifully Profound pick up the pieces of the camera, and they try to assemble it back together.
I follow Tequila Mockingbird as she walks into the family room, where most of the party goers seem to have gathered. The music is loud. There is a distinct smell of booze, and cigarettes and the horrid stench of vomit. Again I throw an evil glance at the stranger passed out on the floor. RockDog notices me looking at the dude and walks up to me.
RockDog: "Drunken party last night (which I was not in town for)."
Turns out the guy who did the puking had been partying since yesterday, and that is why he was unable to remain conscious into the New Year. I shook my head at the dude, and ventured further in. I see Jay Cam standing there - checking out some girl dancing to the music.
R.E.H.: "Hi there, Jay Cam. See you got your eyes on something, huh?"
He continues to stare at the dancing babe.
Jay Cam: "Deb I'm going to tag for sure!"
Tequila Mockingbird notices the girl he's eyeballing.
Tequila Mockingbird: "In fact, she looks exactly like me, except she is older and smells mentholy-fresh."
R.E.H.: "I thought you were dating... what's her name?"
Jay Cam: "Mrs. Norton was fat."
He continues to ogle the hot babe on the dance floor, and I realize I'm not going to get a conversation going with him. Tequila Mockingbird seems to have the same fascination with the dancing girl. I look over to the left and see Samantha K standing there. She's holding a can of beer in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other.
R.E.H.: "Aw, Samantha! Of course I would run into you here at the party!"
Samantha K: "Actually, there haven't been any parties since my boys have been born."
She stumbles onward, headed for the dance floor. As I look at her, I see out the window that the snow has started falling heavily. Tink and her fiancée Hoop are making out right next to me.
R.E.H.: "The snow's starting to come down pretty hard out there"
Tink removes her face from Hoop's and looks at me. She doesn't seem to quite understand what I just said.
R.E.H.: "The snow! You've got quite a drive home after the party... The snow is going to make it a pain in the ass."
Tink: "Then Hoop and I are going to try and stay sober so we can make the hour long trek back home at one."
She falls back into the arms of her man and they resume making out. Loving Annie walks by and looks a little embarrassed by it.
Loving Annie: "I respect your privacy and the right to do things your own way."
She goes to the dance floor and starts strutting her stuff. I would've joined her, but knowing I can't dance I decided to stay put. I started looking around for people to talk to, and notice Fiwa and Kell at a computer across the room. I walk up to them. They seem to be deeply engaged in a conversation. Kell is absorbed with whatever is on the screen, while Fiwa leans over her shoulder pointing at the screen as I walk up to them.
Fiwa: "If you haven't heard of the concept of Microlending, follow the link to Wikipedia for some background."
Kell clicks the link and starts reading up on the concept of Microlending. I read too, unnoticed by either one of them. When Kell is finished reading, she turns to Fiwa.
Kell: "I want to read more, and maybe take a class at the community college--something challenging but fun."
As interesting as it may be, I came here for a party, so I turn around to go looking for some more action. As I turn, I banged my head into a low hung ceiling lamp. It hurt like hell.
R.E.H.: "Aw... FUCK!"
Everybody suddenly stops what they're doing and look at me in shock. My face turns red, and I'm feeling really stupid for having said the F-Word.
R.E.H.: "I know... I should watch my language. I'm sorry."
People start getting back to what they were doing, and I notice Jay looking at me with a grin on his face.
Jay: "I also remember wanting to cuss less."
He turns and walks into the kitchen. I decide to follow him to see what may be going on in there. I hear there is a lot of commotion coming out from the kitchen area. As I enter I see Preposterous Ponderings standing at the counter sorting chocolate candies from a box. She is laying them out nicely in a pattern, and taking great care as she organizes her chocolates.
Lakota Princess: "Wow...look at them line up."
G-Man: "Brown and Pattern"
G-Man breaks out a camera of his own, looking to take the pictures for the upcoming Weekly Words Challenge. Everybody is looking on in fascination as Preposterous Ponderings continue to arrange her candies. Alli is looking particularly wide-eyed. There is a quality in her beautiful brown eyes that is beginning to worry me. She looks absolutely obsessed with the chocolates, and I notice her tongue slipping out of her mouth to wet her lips. It shoots out quickly like the tongue of a lizard.
Alli: "LOVE THEM!"
Then she suddenly darts forward. Pushes Preposterous Ponderings aside as she makes her way to the delicious looking chocolates. She starts eating in a frenzy, dropping a few on the floor. TT quickly drops to her knees and starts collecting the fallen ones, stuffing them into her mouth as fast as she can.
TT: "More as I get them..........."
Mayhem ensues in the kitchen, as everyone is going after the chocolate. Real Live Lesbian tosses a handfull into a blender with some milk and makes chocolate milk. She drinks it up in one big gulp, leaving a chocolate moustache on her upper lip.
Real Live Lesbian: "I think the moustache is a nice touch, don't you?"
Infuriated, Preposterous Ponderings slams her fists down on the counter with an ear-deafening BAM! Everybody suddenly become quiet and inanimate with fear.
Preposterous Ponderings: "Those of you who know me know that there is no fucking way I am giving up my chocolate."
She takes her fighting stance. Fists clenched, her eyes burning with hatred as she awaits the first son-of-a-bitch who dare take her on. Jay (who had not been munching any of her chocolates) steps forward... if this is going to be a fight, Jay wants it to be a fair one.
Jay: "Here are the rules."
He takes a deep breath, to begin reciting the rules as he comes up with them, but I stop him. I don't want my New Year's party to turn into a slug-fest. I'm here to have some freakin' fun fer-cryin-out-loud.
R.E.H.: "Stop It! That's it! Everybody out of the kitchen. No one's allowed in the kitchen!"
Leighann: "Being grounded from the kitchen is HUGE!"
I started to shove everyone out, trying to salvage some of Preposterous Ponderings beloved chocolates. As I got everyone out, I realize not a single piece of chocolate is left. Sparkling Red is standing by the kitchen door looking blissful... she's got chocolate smeared all over her face.
R.E.H.: "You ate them all? How on earth did you manage to get them all?"
Sparkling Red: "I call my strategy Anticrastination."
Dana is watching it all, in awe.
Dana: "Here I was, building those same redneck memories for my son, who thought there was nothing better than having "Rhino" sign his cheap plastic checkered flag!"
R.E.H.: "Say what?"
She shakes her head and walks back to the bar. I go to the bar myself - I don't remember ever needing a cold Heineken as much as I did right then. Odd Facts is sitting there and I overheard her conversation with the bartender.
Odd Facts: "Bentham also wished for his body to be present at all board meetings, and tradition has it, that when there is a tied vote, Bentham votes favorably for the motion."
I ordered my Heineken. Butterfly Girl joins me at the bar, as I take a big swig of the cold beer and let it comfort me as it smoothly runs down my throat.
Much to my surprise, the clock struck midnight, and things were turned up a few notches. Everyone was shouting "HAPPY NEW YEAR!", champagne corks were flying through the air and it was a miracle no one was seriously injured. Confetti filled the air, and the party reached through the roof and brought back the moon. We were all having a fantastic time.
Butterfly Girl raised an oversized glass of champagne and shouted at the top of her lungs:
Butterfly Girl: "LIFE."
As the celebrations subsided, I see Jen coming out of the kitchen.
R.E.H.: "What are you doing in there?"
She points her finger into the kitchen. It is all cleaned up - spotless!
Jen: "Then, I did all the dishes from stuff that I threw away."
R.E.H.: "Aw, you didn't have to. I'm sure the hosts will appreciate it - but you missed the New Year celebrations."
Jen shrugs and returns into the kitchen. Guess she can't stop working all the time, with everything she's doing back home. I looked around, and realized I couldn't see Joel anywhere. I called him up on the cell, and he answered.
R.E.H.: "Joel! Why aren't you at the party? This place is a freakin' mad house!"
Joel began explaining it to me.
Joel: "Hence, I stayed at home and meanwhile I was able to quit most of my past habits and way of thinking but faced the worst thing; loneliness."
R.E.H.: "Well, next time - come to the party. Loneliness sucks. This is a New Year, and 2008 is all about happiness."
Out of nowhere, Mary P. Jones appears, raising her glass of champagne toward the ceiling.
Mary P. Jones: "I'm ready for happiness."
We all shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" into the phone.
R.E.H.: "See? You're not lonely. Here in Blogville, nobody's lonely - not ever!"
I left the phone on, as the party continued. I managed to have quite a few Heineken's, and the rest of the night is pretty much just a blur. That's the proper way to start a New Year!
It was New Year's Eve 2007, and I had absolutely no idea where to go. Where's fun to be found? I knew who to ask when in need of a good time, so I called up Tequila Mockingbird and she was more than happy to guide me through some New Year's partying. We met outside a rundown apartment building, and I could hear the monotonous beating of party music drifting out of a cracked window on the second story.
R.E.H.: "This is not the place you said we'd go."
Tequila Mockingbird: "The first party was one put on by people really into home brewing, needless to say, quite the selection of fine beverages, but a bit too sedate."
R.E.H.: "Ok... guess this one is more lively then."
We entered the building, and walked up the stairs (elevator was out of order - thank God, as I would have been scared shitless riding inside of that thing). I was excited to get to the party. I'd heard all of my blogging friends would be there, and it was going to be a lot of fun to meet them all. As we reached the door I rang the bell.
Lightning Bug's Butt opened the door and greeted us with a great big smile on his face.
Lightning Bug's Butt: "Merry Christmas."
A little surprised I look at him.
R.E.H.: "It's New Year's, right? Christmas was last week."
As Guilty Secret is taking off her winter coat, she overhears us talking about Christmas.
Guilty Secret: "Our first Christmas, I spent at my mum's as usual."
Then Jill comes rushing by, headed for the exit. She does not look pleased at all. I hear her mumbling to herself as she brushes by me.
Jill: "No matter how well I manage my money, after I've bought my Christmas gifts, clothes and other stuff, I don't have any money left for New Year!"
Apparently there was a fee to enter the party. I duly paid the $200 - I was not going to miss this party for anything in the world. In honor of Tequila Mockingbird's award-winning commenting on my blog, I decided to pay the entrance fee for her as well. We received a welcome drink and a rubber chicken, which I couldn't quite figure out the use of. Tequila Mockingbird looked less than amused at the rubber chicken, and promptly handed it back.
Tequila Mockingbird: "The only chicken I want for the holidays is cooked and served with a side of mashed potatoes."
Then she quickly threw back the drink, swallowed and we walked inside - ready to party! As we came inside I was overjoyed to see all those familiar blogger friends. I knew I was in for a terrific New Year's Eve. Beautifully Profound was standing by a wall, looking at all the people. She held a camera firmly in her hands. Next to her Karen stands sipping a glass of wine.
R.E.H.: "I see you brought your camera."
Beautifully Profound: "I may try to find some inspirational photos to post up tonight."
I cursed myself for not having brought my camera. It seemed such a given that one would take pictures to post on your blog from this party. I note that Karen doesn't seem to carry a camera either.
R.E.H.: "Aren't you going to take any pictures tonight?"
Karen: "I would post pictures, but I am afraid the Department of Health may stop buy for some sort of inspection after seeing the family room."
I look across the hall, into the family room - and I understand immediately what Karen meant. All of a sudden I'm glad I didn't bring a camera... it sure wouldn't have been suitable to post those pictures on any self-respecting blog. In the midst of the crowd I see Newt standing there. She looks absolutely horrified... she's desperately trying to clean up some mess around her - I figured it was puke. I holler over the loud music to her.
R.E.H.: "Hey, Newt! Somebody barfed in there?"
She points to some guy I didn't recognize. The fella had obviously had a few too many already, and had now passed out on the floor. He was not a pretty sight.
Newt: "All over his shirt, the carpet, the stairs."
She resumes cleaning up the mess. Karen suddenly hoists her glass of wine toward my drink for a salute. In the process she knocks the camera out of Beautifully Profound's hands, and it goes crashing to the floor. It breaks in a thousand tiny little pieces, scattering everywhere. Karen looks mortified.
Karen: "Mark just said I am probably a hex."
She helps Beautifully Profound pick up the pieces of the camera, and they try to assemble it back together.
I follow Tequila Mockingbird as she walks into the family room, where most of the party goers seem to have gathered. The music is loud. There is a distinct smell of booze, and cigarettes and the horrid stench of vomit. Again I throw an evil glance at the stranger passed out on the floor. RockDog notices me looking at the dude and walks up to me.
RockDog: "Drunken party last night (which I was not in town for)."
Turns out the guy who did the puking had been partying since yesterday, and that is why he was unable to remain conscious into the New Year. I shook my head at the dude, and ventured further in. I see Jay Cam standing there - checking out some girl dancing to the music.
R.E.H.: "Hi there, Jay Cam. See you got your eyes on something, huh?"
He continues to stare at the dancing babe.
Jay Cam: "Deb I'm going to tag for sure!"
Tequila Mockingbird notices the girl he's eyeballing.
Tequila Mockingbird: "In fact, she looks exactly like me, except she is older and smells mentholy-fresh."
R.E.H.: "I thought you were dating... what's her name?"
Jay Cam: "Mrs. Norton was fat."
He continues to ogle the hot babe on the dance floor, and I realize I'm not going to get a conversation going with him. Tequila Mockingbird seems to have the same fascination with the dancing girl. I look over to the left and see Samantha K standing there. She's holding a can of beer in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other.
R.E.H.: "Aw, Samantha! Of course I would run into you here at the party!"
Samantha K: "Actually, there haven't been any parties since my boys have been born."
She stumbles onward, headed for the dance floor. As I look at her, I see out the window that the snow has started falling heavily. Tink and her fiancée Hoop are making out right next to me.
R.E.H.: "The snow's starting to come down pretty hard out there"
Tink removes her face from Hoop's and looks at me. She doesn't seem to quite understand what I just said.
R.E.H.: "The snow! You've got quite a drive home after the party... The snow is going to make it a pain in the ass."
Tink: "Then Hoop and I are going to try and stay sober so we can make the hour long trek back home at one."
She falls back into the arms of her man and they resume making out. Loving Annie walks by and looks a little embarrassed by it.
Loving Annie: "I respect your privacy and the right to do things your own way."
She goes to the dance floor and starts strutting her stuff. I would've joined her, but knowing I can't dance I decided to stay put. I started looking around for people to talk to, and notice Fiwa and Kell at a computer across the room. I walk up to them. They seem to be deeply engaged in a conversation. Kell is absorbed with whatever is on the screen, while Fiwa leans over her shoulder pointing at the screen as I walk up to them.
Fiwa: "If you haven't heard of the concept of Microlending, follow the link to Wikipedia for some background."
Kell clicks the link and starts reading up on the concept of Microlending. I read too, unnoticed by either one of them. When Kell is finished reading, she turns to Fiwa.
Kell: "I want to read more, and maybe take a class at the community college--something challenging but fun."
As interesting as it may be, I came here for a party, so I turn around to go looking for some more action. As I turn, I banged my head into a low hung ceiling lamp. It hurt like hell.
R.E.H.: "Aw... FUCK!"
Everybody suddenly stops what they're doing and look at me in shock. My face turns red, and I'm feeling really stupid for having said the F-Word.
R.E.H.: "I know... I should watch my language. I'm sorry."
People start getting back to what they were doing, and I notice Jay looking at me with a grin on his face.
Jay: "I also remember wanting to cuss less."
He turns and walks into the kitchen. I decide to follow him to see what may be going on in there. I hear there is a lot of commotion coming out from the kitchen area. As I enter I see Preposterous Ponderings standing at the counter sorting chocolate candies from a box. She is laying them out nicely in a pattern, and taking great care as she organizes her chocolates.
Lakota Princess: "Wow...look at them line up."
G-Man: "Brown and Pattern"
G-Man breaks out a camera of his own, looking to take the pictures for the upcoming Weekly Words Challenge. Everybody is looking on in fascination as Preposterous Ponderings continue to arrange her candies. Alli is looking particularly wide-eyed. There is a quality in her beautiful brown eyes that is beginning to worry me. She looks absolutely obsessed with the chocolates, and I notice her tongue slipping out of her mouth to wet her lips. It shoots out quickly like the tongue of a lizard.
Alli: "LOVE THEM!"
Then she suddenly darts forward. Pushes Preposterous Ponderings aside as she makes her way to the delicious looking chocolates. She starts eating in a frenzy, dropping a few on the floor. TT quickly drops to her knees and starts collecting the fallen ones, stuffing them into her mouth as fast as she can.
TT: "More as I get them..........."
Mayhem ensues in the kitchen, as everyone is going after the chocolate. Real Live Lesbian tosses a handfull into a blender with some milk and makes chocolate milk. She drinks it up in one big gulp, leaving a chocolate moustache on her upper lip.
Real Live Lesbian: "I think the moustache is a nice touch, don't you?"
Infuriated, Preposterous Ponderings slams her fists down on the counter with an ear-deafening BAM! Everybody suddenly become quiet and inanimate with fear.
Preposterous Ponderings: "Those of you who know me know that there is no fucking way I am giving up my chocolate."
She takes her fighting stance. Fists clenched, her eyes burning with hatred as she awaits the first son-of-a-bitch who dare take her on. Jay (who had not been munching any of her chocolates) steps forward... if this is going to be a fight, Jay wants it to be a fair one.
Jay: "Here are the rules."
He takes a deep breath, to begin reciting the rules as he comes up with them, but I stop him. I don't want my New Year's party to turn into a slug-fest. I'm here to have some freakin' fun fer-cryin-out-loud.
R.E.H.: "Stop It! That's it! Everybody out of the kitchen. No one's allowed in the kitchen!"
Leighann: "Being grounded from the kitchen is HUGE!"
I started to shove everyone out, trying to salvage some of Preposterous Ponderings beloved chocolates. As I got everyone out, I realize not a single piece of chocolate is left. Sparkling Red is standing by the kitchen door looking blissful... she's got chocolate smeared all over her face.
R.E.H.: "You ate them all? How on earth did you manage to get them all?"
Sparkling Red: "I call my strategy Anticrastination."
Dana is watching it all, in awe.
Dana: "Here I was, building those same redneck memories for my son, who thought there was nothing better than having "Rhino" sign his cheap plastic checkered flag!"
R.E.H.: "Say what?"
She shakes her head and walks back to the bar. I go to the bar myself - I don't remember ever needing a cold Heineken as much as I did right then. Odd Facts is sitting there and I overheard her conversation with the bartender.
Odd Facts: "Bentham also wished for his body to be present at all board meetings, and tradition has it, that when there is a tied vote, Bentham votes favorably for the motion."
I ordered my Heineken. Butterfly Girl joins me at the bar, as I take a big swig of the cold beer and let it comfort me as it smoothly runs down my throat.
Much to my surprise, the clock struck midnight, and things were turned up a few notches. Everyone was shouting "HAPPY NEW YEAR!", champagne corks were flying through the air and it was a miracle no one was seriously injured. Confetti filled the air, and the party reached through the roof and brought back the moon. We were all having a fantastic time.
Butterfly Girl raised an oversized glass of champagne and shouted at the top of her lungs:
Butterfly Girl: "LIFE."
As the celebrations subsided, I see Jen coming out of the kitchen.
R.E.H.: "What are you doing in there?"
She points her finger into the kitchen. It is all cleaned up - spotless!
Jen: "Then, I did all the dishes from stuff that I threw away."
R.E.H.: "Aw, you didn't have to. I'm sure the hosts will appreciate it - but you missed the New Year celebrations."
Jen shrugs and returns into the kitchen. Guess she can't stop working all the time, with everything she's doing back home. I looked around, and realized I couldn't see Joel anywhere. I called him up on the cell, and he answered.
R.E.H.: "Joel! Why aren't you at the party? This place is a freakin' mad house!"
Joel began explaining it to me.
Joel: "Hence, I stayed at home and meanwhile I was able to quit most of my past habits and way of thinking but faced the worst thing; loneliness."
R.E.H.: "Well, next time - come to the party. Loneliness sucks. This is a New Year, and 2008 is all about happiness."
Out of nowhere, Mary P. Jones appears, raising her glass of champagne toward the ceiling.
Mary P. Jones: "I'm ready for happiness."
We all shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" into the phone.
R.E.H.: "See? You're not lonely. Here in Blogville, nobody's lonely - not ever!"
I left the phone on, as the party continued. I managed to have quite a few Heineken's, and the rest of the night is pretty much just a blur. That's the proper way to start a New Year!
40 comments:
Wow! That was friggin' amazing! You must be exhausted. I'm gonna try to write more interesting stuff from now on for better story fodder. That was fun to read.
Bloody brilliant REH. Glad to see you've included me even though I've been a horrible stranger lately.
You really have blossomed as a blogger.
*wipes away a tear of joy*
I'm so proud of you REH!
Kell: Thank You. It was exhausting, but a whole lot of fun. I've always loved writing challenges... I may start another one soon that I've come up with.
Beautifully Profound: Yes, you've been a stranger lately - I've missed you!
Thanks for the positive comment.
That is fucking KILLER! I love it! Cool twist on a GREAT idea! LOL!
Dude ... that is outstanding! It must have taken forever to do! I guess I'm gonna have to try to come up with some better lines in the future. LOL
Seriously, great post!
Ditto to everything said up there!!
I'm completely blown away!!! I can not wrap my mind around this kind of talent...on a blog....And you're working where??? Dude.......I loved it! Cracked me up! How long did it take you?
And, you're right! Nobody's lonely in blogville. Not with you around!
Thanks for the entertainment!!!!! :)
RockDog: Hey, Thanks! I'll take that as your blessing for me to use your idea ;)
Jay: Thanks. Yeah, you're number 9 sentences were kinda short - but that one was essential for the kitchen brawl scene ;)
No need to come up with better lines... I'll find a way to use them, no matter what!
TT: Thanks... Wow! This seems to be popular :-)
I always wanted to be a writer. Spent much of my childhood writing instead of playing with my friends. Guess it took me about two hours to write the story - but, then I had to rewrite parts because Mary P. Jones added her third comment, and qualified for the story ;) It made a better ending!
awesome. you have made me feel like a stalker.
i liked the story, but i was slightly dissapointed we never made out.
WOW! That was sooooo entertaining & creative! I love these blogs games!!! Great job!
Too funny!!! I was LOLing! :)
Mmmmmmmm.....chocolate....I guess I do like it enough that it could turn me into a ravenous lizard!!
:)
what?! i lost by six? dang!
i'm going to win next time without spamming!
loved the story
: )
maybe next time i might be able to fight some aliens? makes me look manly you know!
Tequila Mockingbird: Well, had you not been eyeballing Jay Cam's heart-throb things might have turned out differently... maybe next time.
Stalking is allowed ;)
Alli: Thanks. Yeah, I think I may have to hide my chocolate from you ;)
Jay Cam: Yup, you're gonna have to step up to the plate. (spamming would be grounds for disqualification).
Aliens... hmmm - maybe I'll have aliens in next month's story. Guess it all depends on what kind of sentences I end up facing as I start writing...
but she looked like me. how could i not? besides, women are just a hobby for me. it shouldnt have stopped you from drunkenly making out with me.
Holy Crap!! That was AMAZING. You cleary invested a lot of time into this. And I just love it. I am going to read it again right now. LOL
TOO COOL ! GREAT JOB ND TOP AWARDS FOR INVENTIVNESS !!!
So I gotta know, R.E.H. - did you have to count everyone comments individually like I do, which takes painstaking hours -- OR have you found a blogger friendly html code that adds them up for you for the month ???
Enquiring minds want to know. I'd pay for that HTML code. Seriously.
Loving Annie
LovingAnnie@gmail.com
R.E.H., you crack me up! I'm so tired I'm having to prop my eyes open, so I'm going to have to come back and read this again tomorrow. Man, my comment HAD to be about f-ing microlending. Everyone's partying and having a good time and I'm talking about microlending, for god's sake! Of course, you know the temptation is to leave you a loaded comment on that day/post, right? ;)
Have a good night - and I'll be back tomorrow to read again.
lovins,
fiwa
MY hero! mmmmmm.... just love a creative man... i mean mind.
You get the Lakota Award for Kickass coolness.
That was great!
My part was small but I think it was imperitive to the story *giggle*
jay cam better watch out, I'll kick his little ass to win for next time! LOL
Good show, old man!
Cheerio!
Ok, I have read the whole thing now, that was hilarious. Kudos to Rock Dog for coming up with the idea, and to you for writing such a hilarious story!
have a great weekend!
fiwa
Tequila Mockingbird: Yeah, I know... but like I said - the last few hours was pretty much a blur... who knows what happened during that time?
Karen: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed the read.
Loving Annie: No, I had to count them myself too. Opened up notepad and then clicked on each posts comments and started counting - I'd pay good money for a code as well ;)
Fiwa: I might change the rules slightly from month to month though - in terms of which post I take the comments from and which sentence I use - just so people can't sort of choose a line they want me to work with ;)
Lakota Princess: I am a man... with a creative mind ;)
I'm also Kickass Cool!
Leighann: Yes, you comment did have a major impact in how the story turned out (as I was writing it). I knew I needed some kind of brawl in the kitchen, and Preposterous Ponderings had that chocolate comment. I managed to piece together a few that really made that part of the story come alive ;)
Samantha K: I ain't that old yet... *now where's that walker again?*
Fiwa: Yeah, I owe RockDog big for this one. I really enjoyed writing it, and can hardly wait til next month when I get to write another one!
Wow, what an incentive (or non-incentive depending on one's preference I guess) to comment more! What a great idea, but definitely time-consuming! Good read though. Impressive how you made everything fit. I went back and looked at the 9th sentence of my last post to see what it would have been had I made it in . . . and it didn't seem like something that would have worked. Maybe in the future I'll pay more attention to my 9th sentences! Anyway I will continue to look forward to this feature every month, thanks!
Em
FABULOUS new feature! Really!! I am looking forward to more of R.E.H. ... well ... as much as you are willing to share anyway!
hmm. fair point. you should finish the story
"just so people can't sort of choose a line they want me to work with"
SHIT! There went my nefarious plan.
Emmeline: I just took a look to see what sentence that would've been, and yes it would have been mighty difficult to put in there ;) Still, I can come up with a couple of ways to make it work... somewhat.
People should comment either way - if they don't want to be in the story, all they have to do is tell me so.
Dana: Thank You. Apparently I'm becoming more and more comfortable sharing quite a lot of me ;)
Tequila Mockingbird: How am I going to finish it when I don't remember what happened?
Lakota Princess: I am evil like that ;)
Gawd, I sound like such a drag! LOL. Great story REH. Really cool idea.
I like evil.
Except when it is used against me.
No worries, I'll come up with nefarious Plan B.
Holy Wow, I am crying from laughter. That was amazing!
I'm so pleased with my line! Anticrastination: strategy for a new tomorrow, today!
Tink: Great story = Thanks!
Cool idea = Thank RockDog!
;)
Lakota Princess: I look forward to crushing your nefarious plans! ;)
Sparkling Red: I thought you'd be pleased that one made it in there ;) Glad I made you cry (from laughter).
Oh, I LOVE it! I'm so glad I managed enough comments to make it into the story! :)
Mary P. Jones: You made it in at the last minute too. That one comment on my Resolutions post came in after the story was finished, so I had to add you in there. The whole thing made the ending much better, so thanks!
Glad you liked it!
Aw jeez, LIFE. That's all I got.
This was very entertaining indeed. In fact it was buried pretty deep, I almost missed it.
I must pay more attention to the ninth sentence of my posts from now on.
:)
Damn! I sounded like a freak! seesh! Should have made it to the party :D
Lol, it's interesting! I might come up with this to embarrass my commenters!
Have a great day!
Butterfly Girl: Well... you got to raise an oversized glass of champagne too. No need to pay attention to the ninth sentence... it is very unlikely that I continue to use the same sentence every month.
Joel: Yeah, I felt a little sorry for you not being there. That's why I left the phone on so you could be there with us all.
Woah, cool idea! How long did that take you?! I admire your commitment, sir. :)
And I'm glad to hear you weren't making out with your cousin, haha!
Freakazojd: It took some time, but it was a lot of fun to do it.
Weird, though, isn't it? That I had several hits to my site on that search term...
1. Can't believe I just missed the top three! I don't think I have much chance of winning this month as it's 14th already and I'm only just catching up, but watch out February!
2. I get SO MANY hits from people looking for incest stories. Bleugh!
3. Love the idea of the monthly commenter story. Also, how you set the rules out so clearly is super-cute! And the story was fab...
Ok, enough gushing now ;)
Guilty Secret: Oh, almost missed out on your comment here. Nice to see you got to read this one.
I've missed you around here!
1. Even backtracking comments will be counted at the end of the month - so there's still a chance for you.
2. Ew! It's weird the things people are searching for. I've got a couple of good ones already for next month's "3rd".
3. I love the idea myself, if I may say so. I just hope I can come up with great stories every month, because it is tough trying to fit all those sentences into a coherent story.
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