Rubicon Heart: Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO: “The Pen-Pal Girl”

Shacking up in a small student apartment in a new city at the age of 17 with my best friend meant we had to agree on a set of rules. These rules mainly covered routines for when we met up with some hot chicks.

“First one to bring home a chick gets the bedroom”, Pete exclaims seriously as we have the discussion.

“Yeah… The other one will sleep on the couch out here”.

We had a very small bedroom with two single beds – one on each side of the room, divided by a small open area and a nightstand beside each of the two beds. The other was a small living room, and there was a kitchen nook so small one could barely turn around in there. We also had our own bathroom and a shower stall so close to the toilet seat it would be no problem to take a shower while taking a dump at the same time. Not that one would want to do that.

“But… what if we both come home with a girl at the same time?” I’m starting to see problems with that one simple rule.

“We’ll flip a coin”

“Deal!” And so the rules were agreed. Not once, during our stay in that small apartment did we need to flip a coin for that particular reason. Not once did either one of us have to sleep on that couch… not for any other reason than ones own choice though.

In fact, I snuggled up with a girl on that couch while Pete got the bedroom all for himself once. I had invited her over, and told my room mate to lock himself into the bedroom, because I was going to watch The Exorcist with the girl. The Exorcist was my choice movie with the girls. It would always scare them and they’d come closer and closer, holding my hand and leaning their heads against my chest looking for comfort. A good horror movie was the best way to get that closeness without seeming too forward.

Still, during that first year in acting school I didn’t have a single girl whom to call my “girlfriend”. I was still a virgin too, and I still had all those problems to show affection for an attractive girl. I never thought of myself as good looking enough to warrant the attraction of a beautiful girl. It was probably because I always fell for the really pretty ones – the girls that everyone wanted, and I wasn’t the type of guy that every girl would desire.

Because of my obsession with Priscilla during the High School years, I was not impressed with a chick if they didn’t look absolutely stunning. I had no interest in hooking up with a girl just because she was nice, or sweet. We could be friends… but I didn’t want anything more from them.

Priscilla was whom every girl would be compared to, and while there was no one who I thought was quite as attractive as I found her, there were plenty of girls who came pretty close. I fell for one of the girls in my acting class, and we became very good friends indeed. Problem was – she had a boyfriend whom she’d been together with for four years. Since she was thirteen she’d been dating the same guy, and the two of them were inseparable. There was another girl (another blond) who went to our school who also worked sporadically as a model. I wanted her badly.

Continuously, I found myself obsessing over the girls that I wanted. The girls that I was attracted to, and so I never really noticed or cared about the girls who wanted me. It was I who were supposed to do the choosing – or it might just as well not happen at all.

During many of those parties that we had – and believe me, they were a plenty – I would often hook up with any old chick and we’d make out and all that, but I would never pursue that the following day. There was that one time when I ended up kissing the spoken-for-blond in my class during a particularly wild party, but I couldn’t follow up on that because I knew she was so in love with her man.

Toward the end of the first year at school we were sent out to get some hands-on experience in the theatrical field, and I got an opportunity to work as a trainee at a film studio in an even bigger city – about a five hour drive from where we lived.

That’s when my love life took a drastic turn of events.

For a couple of years I had kept in touch with a few girls through letters. It was back in High School that I once decided to look for pen-pals through the ads in a popular teen magazine. While my mouth has a hard time expressing my feelings, my pen has never had a problem with that. I got a ton of responses from that ad, and the girls I chose to continue to write to went through a pretty simple selection process. Did they include a picture of themselves in the letter? If not, they went in the trash. Were they absolutely stunning on that picture? If not… in the trash they went. I had kept about 7 of them – from various places and cities in the country. I had never met any one of them in person.

Over the two years or so, I was still only writing to two of the original girls, and one of them happened to live in the city I was going to. This girl was really attractive on that one picture I had of her. Her name was Evelyn. We had a lot in common from the letters we wrote to each other. She was a Hard Rockin’ chick, and had long brown hair, full luscious lips and wore a studded jeans jacket on that photo. She was a little tough looking, yet stunningly beautiful.

I sat down and wrote Evelyn a letter. I told her I was going to the city she lived in, and that I needed a place to stay for a week. The trainee period only lasted for a week, as we were due back in school after that.

I thought she wouldn’t want that, and that I would have to look for another place to stay. But, I was wrong. The letter she sent back to me was full of anticipation and excitement.

'It’s going to be awesome. I’ve wanted to meet you for so long. My friends too. I’ve been showing your picture around. We call you the Indian. All of my friends have a crush on you.'

That’s pretty much what the letter said. I was shocked, and now I couldn’t wait to get there. All those girls were attracted to me? Suh-weet!

But, I was also nervous. Oh, they’re going to be so disappointed to see the real me. I’m not nearly as good looking as I was on that – now two year old – picture.

As the time came to meet Evelyn in real life for the first time I was damn near petrified. I got off the train at the station with my suitcase full of clothes that would last me the whole week, and there she was with a big smile on her face, greeting me. She gave me a big hug, and I hugged her back. We began talking as if we’d know each other for years… which I guess, in a sense, we had. She was even more beautiful in real life than she was in that picture.

When we came in to her apartment, her mother enthusiastically greeted me as well, and welcomed me to their home with a nice home cooked meal. There was another woman joining us for dinner, and I figured she was some friend of Evelyn’s mother.

I stayed in Evelyn’s room. She’d laid a mattress out on the floor for me. And, that first night one thing got me curious. Her mother’s friend was still there. A sleep over? Adults don’t do that. I began to enquire about the situation.

“Who’s the other woman?” I ask.

“She lives here”, Evelyn says.

“Oh…”

Back in the 80’s the concept of homosexuality was frowned upon, and people sure didn’t speak openly about it. I guess I ignored the thought completely and made myself believe they were just roomies – just like me and Pete back home.

“My mom’s a lesbian”, she said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I was very surprised, but the way Evelyn spoke of it as the most natural thing in the world made it sound perfectly normal. I was still a little curious and intrigued by the whole thing. I was sleeping in an apartment with a couple of lesbians and a hot looking girl who actually seemed to like me. Life was an adventure.

We spent the next few days hanging out downtown a lot – visiting record stores and listening to awesome music. She knew of this place that sold a lot of rare stuff, and I picked up a few records I had been searching high and low for – among them a rare original press of Alice Cooper’s debut album “Pretties in Pink”. The fact that the music on that one sucked didn’t matter much. I was determined to add every single Alice Cooper album to my collection.

I did notice that she would stop every now and then and say something which I was supposed to take as flirtatious, but I was afraid that going there would complicate things – and dammit, I had a few more days that I needed the place to stay. Being thrown out would not be a good thing. So we stayed platonic. Just friends.

When only two days remained before I was going home, we were awake late as usual. We were talking, and I had started to realize that I was wasting a perfect opportunity to land me a pretty girlfriend here. My mind was on overload, and I was contemplating every possible scenario as to what would happen if I told her I had fallen for her – that I wanted her so much I would be the happiest guy on earth if she shared those feelings with me.

I knew I had to say something. Right now! Not much time left for us to be together before I would head back home. She noticed me being quiet as we spoke, and she noticed my longing glances at her. She also noticed that I would quickly look away from her when our eyes met. When our eyes met, the electricity in the air seemed overwhelming, and I had a hard time coping with that.

“What are you thinking?” she asks, and judging from the smile on her face I instantly knew that she already knew the answer to that question.

My face felt hot from the anticipation and the embarrassment that I couldn’t put it to words. My blood pressure went up and my heart pounded heavily in my chest. Even I knew that tonight was the night – she did want to be my girlfriend. The first girl I would ever actually call that – not just some random make-out honey on a drunken night. She wanted to be mine, and she wanted to tell all of her friends that I was her boyfriend.

But, I still had no idea how to express any of this in words. Not by means of my mouth anyway. I was trembling, that’s how nervous I was.

I grabbed my notebook I always carried with me to write down ideas for novels in.

“I can’t say it out loud”, I told her with a barely audible voice.

I wrote in the book. ‘I think you are beautiful. I keep thinking I should kiss you, but I’m just no good at saying these things. What I really want to ask you is if you want to be my girlfriend. I think that would be sweet.'

Then, I handed her the notebook, and buried my head between my knees. I couldn’t stand the thought of looking at her reaction when she read that. What if she looked horrified and uncomfortable about it? What if she started laughing, telling me that ‘Oh, boy are you out of your mind? Why would I want to be with you? I’m way too hot to waste my time with an ugly ass guy like you. Why don’t you go play in your own league, buddy. This sweetie pie is too good for you.’

It took a little while, and then I felt her hand on my leg. I looked up at her – absolutely terrified. She was smiling, and looked me straight in the eyes.

“Why couldn’t you say that?”

“I… uhm… I didn’t… don’t think… you… uhm… me. Ah… never mind. Forget it.”

She reached out and touched my face with her hands. Her smile never faltered, and her eyes kept searching for my fleeting gaze.

“Yes”, she said.

Again, our eyes met.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes. I want to be your girlfriend. I can’t believe it took you this long to ask.”

“You’re just so beautiful.”

Then she leaned forward and kissed me. I was in heaven. I had a girlfriend! A real girlfriend!

The last two days I stayed at her place we were inseparable. One might just as well sew our lips together, because they barely ever parted. We didn’t have sex. Neither one of us was comfortable because her mother’s room was right next to hers and her mom and her female lover would have heard exactly what we were doing. We talked about it though. She was no virgin. She had a lot of experience in the field at only 16 – she was a year younger than I. During one of those conversations, I had to ask the pressing question. That question that needed to be asked, only because her mother was a lesbian.

“Have you ever had sex with another girl?”

“Yeah... me and Leah have been fooling around a little.”

Leah was another blond hottie whom we had hung out with quite often during my stay there. She was also a real hard rocking girl – and Evelyn’s best friend.

“She is really hot for you too, you know. Maybe I could ask her for a threesome some time. She would do it. Would you like that?”

Are you fucking kidding me, would I like that? Hell yeah, I would like that!

Instead, I answer “That would be fun. But, I want it to be just the two of us that first time”

“Me too”, and she laid down her head on my chest. We fell asleep like that, and the next day I had to go back home.

Going back to school was a joy in itself. I quickly announced the news that I had a girlfriend to everyone I met, and proudly showed her picture around – so that they could see it wasn’t just any old girl. It was a truly beautiful girl at that. I was proud!

We spoke on the phone every day, and quickly agreed that she come visit me. She couldn’t come that first weekend, but the weekend after that she was coming over. It was going to be so sweet to get together again.

As that weekend arrived, I spread some mattresses on the living room floor and told my room mate Pete that he could have the bedroom to himself. The beds in there were too small, and space wouldn’t allow the two beds to be put together, as they would block the door if one tried. I wanted to sleep next to her, and not in separate beds. We were going to have sex, dammit. I was going to lose my virginity this weekend.

Before I went to the train station to pick her up, me and Pete were talking. He was going to visit a girl he’d been seeing, and so me and Evelyn would have the place to ourselves at first – it was no secret to my best buddy what I was aiming to do. He had already lost his virginity – we kept each other informed in that department.

When we came home after I had picked her up, my friend Pete was gone. Good. We had the place to ourselves. We started unpacking some of her clothes, talked a little and that nervous sensation started building up in me again. I so needed to get her on those mattresses right now. I sat down on them and told her to come over. We began kissing, and soon I was on top of her. I slid my hand under her blouse and fondled her tits. My already erect penis was pressing against my pants – begging to be released. She pressed her body against me – she could feel the bulge down there. We took it slow, she was teasing me – gently stroking that bulge with her hand before she pressed her face hard against mine and thrust her tongue deeper inside my mouth. She grabbed my ass and pulled me ever closer to her.

I unbuttoned her blouse and started sucking her nipples. I was so horny I could almost explode – the towering monster in my pants ready to erupt. She started whispering in my ear, asking if I was ready for her. Asking me if I wanted to come inside of her. If I wanted my manhood inside of a girl for the first time in my life.

I wanted it. I wanted it so bad it hurt.

Then the familiar sound of footsteps on the staircase leading up to our apartment was heard. It was loud and clear.

Evelyn suddenly throws me off of her. There is panic in her eyes, and she buttons her blouse with urgency. Her eyes wide open.

“That’s him, isn’t it?”

I have no idea what she’s talking about. Not at first. My only thought is that the bulge in my pants had just been cheated.

“Who?”

“Your room mate!”

And then there’s a bang on the door, quickly followed by the sound of keys sliding into the keyhole. The only thing sliding into any hole should’ve been my cock in her pussy! What the hell was he doing home already? He had fucking promised to stay away until the evening!

After introducing the two of them quickly “Pete… Evelyn. Evelyn… Pete”, I took Pete aside.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Sorry. I just had to get home. Girlfriend broke up with me.”

“You know I’m sorry to hear that, but damn Pete! We were getting busy here!”

“I’ll lock myself into the bedroom. I won’t bother you”

“What the fuck. You don’t understand. It’s not happening when you’re here! You weren’t supposed to come home until later tonight!”

We continued to argue about the fact for a while. Pete was obviously heart-broken over the break up, and I was horny as hell – there were no rules set up for a situation like this, and we couldn’t find a solution that would work for the both of us. I was going to have to wait until the next day to lose my virginity – and that was a certainty. The day after we were going to host a big party, and friends from back home (old High School friends) were going to come visit us on that Saturday. We were throwing the party of the century.

So, tomorrow was going to be the best day of my life. Some serious partying, and losing my virginity, all in one night. The three of us ended up watching a couple of horror movies together, and talked about how much fun we were going to have at the party tomorrow.

At night, as we lay in our make-shift bed making out, it almost happened anyway. But, I put a stop to it, because I was too nervous. I thought, with some whiskey in my system, however, I wouldn’t care one bit if my friend Pete was in the room next to us… hell – I wouldn’t care if he were standing right there beside us watching and cheering us on - “Penetrate that girl! Whooohooo! He scooores!”

That was the last night I fell asleep holding Evelyn close to me, and feeling comfortable about it. That was the last night that I truly believed she was in love with me.

The next night, and that party, changed everything.